Fetish Fridays! NSFW Shoe Fucking!

Decisions, decisions...

I know you perverts have been lost without me these past few months…God only knows what kind of indignities your eyes and genitals have suffered without FF around!

I can only imagine what you poor degenerates have been masturbating to…and for some reason I imagine a German paysite featuring internal POV videos of Gräfenberg’s ring insertions…or whatever.

Well, your agony has ended starting today!

Welcome back FETISH FRIDAYS!!!!

I know I’m a bit rusty here since I’ve been away from the cesspool of cum and shit that is internet porn, but I’m gonna’ give it my best shot! Today we’re covering some familiar territory..but with a twist!

Sure, sure, everyone and their mother has a fucking shoe fetish…but how about a shoe fucking fetish?! (See what I did there? I said, “fucking shoe” and then I said, “shoe…” oh never mind…)

You were expecting something sexier...like an exotic stiletto maybe?

I have to admit I’ve never had sex with a shoe. Hell, I wouldn’t even know where to start….I know, I know, you’re disappointed

But seriously, do I fuck one of my own shoes? And if I do, is it like masturbating? Is it gay to fuck a dude’s shoe? Is it cheating on my wife if I fuck another woman’s shoe? Is it cheating on my wife if I fuck her shoe and not her? Do I fuck a shoe with or without someone’s foot still in the shoe?

A shoehorn is a tool that allows the user to put on a shoe more easily.

So many questions!!!! Calgon, take me away!

Okay, get it together, Canacorn….you’re here to provide a service.

I’ll probably never get the answers to all my questions, but let’s see what some “experts” are saying about shoe fucking.

With just a few keystrokes I stumbled upon a helpful site called, Hot Shoe Shots.

I decided to troll their forums to see just what these shoe fuckers were talking about…(I’ve included their avatars just so you guys know that we’re dealing with the real deal.)

On the topic of “New Ways Of Fucking Womens Shoes

HighHeelShoeJacker (I’m pretty sure that is not his real name) says, “I have been fucking shoes for a while now,besides using an open toe as an orafice,or sticking the heels up my ass i havent heard anything new,well except one guy i met on here that attaches his Borrowed open toe heels to an orbital power sander which is Very hot for hands free shoe fun!”

drex2 chimed in with,“try putting on a vibrating cock ring with the vibrator under your balls and lube up a shoe and go to town on it, its agreat feeling, you can get those cock rings also in a trojan condom pack….. “

Then things started getting all technical when The Original Peeptoe shared some serious techniques:

“Why not have the shoe fuck you? Especially good with long, thin metal heels, is getting urethrally fucked under the shoe. Clean the heel with alcohol first and grease it with a sterile water base lube. The heel, if it has a lift, should be free of burrs or flares. New heels that are all metal and kept for the purpose are best.

Slide it gently into your peehole and guide it slowly down, feeling it on the bottom side of your cock with one hand while controlling the shoe’s descent with the other. I routinely bury a six inch stilletto all the way down until the head of my cock is spreading to try to accomodate the flaring heel top. For a real thrill, get your ladyfriend to slip her foot into the shoe once it’s been installed. Just seeing her standing there impaling you as you lie under her ought to make you come.

A word about coming. With the heel in, it may hurt a little! “

Uh…wha? “Urethrally fucked“? “Peehole“? “Impaling“? Fuck a bunch of that, The Original Peeptoe (if that is your real name?)! Obviously, some people are a little more extreme in the shoe sex department.

Oh, another thing I learned about shoe fuckers: They kidnap shoes to take back to their lairs and fuck them.

You heard me.

They steal shoes…and then fuck them.

And they get REAL excited about Summertime…’cause that’s when people like you are kicking off your flip flops in public and leaving them unattended.

Peep this post by our pal, HighHeelShoeJacker, “Ok its almost warm enough for flip flop season,they are the most readily available footwear that girls seem to leave lying around unattended,anyone have any good technique for using them?”

You’ve been warned, so don’t come crying to me if one or both of your flip flops goes missing…but know some creep is raping the shit out of that shoe and it’s your fault.

Just sayin’.

Oh, in case you’re wondering….yes there are female shoe fuckers out there! But it seems to me that they usually make sweet sweet love to their own shoes…and only because creepy dudes like seeing chicks shove weird shit in their vagoos…

So there you go! Not too shabby of a return of FF this week if I do say so myself! Hope you boners enjoyed it….

Canacorn out!

6 Responses to “Fetish Fridays! NSFW Shoe Fucking!”

  1. Yum-Yum Says:

    A new video accompanying Patton Oswalt’s bit about the song Christmas Shoes features a graphic depiction of shoe fucking.

    “They steal shoes…and then fuck them.”

    Call me a complete nutjob, but that seems pretty reasonable.

    Oh, and welcome back. :)

  2. mrcanacorn Says:

    You’re a complete nutjob.

    After the Oswalt bit I had to go and listen to this damn song…I’m actually a bit disappointed the mom doesn’t die at the end.

    Thanks…I’ll try to make the most of my time back here on the internets…and by making the most of my time I mean looking at pornography.

  3. s Says:

    прикольно

  4. Seer McRicketts-McGee Says:

    Okay: I used to be a librarian, and teachers even warn you in library school about shoe thieves. They love libraries because certain women are likely to remove their shoes when studying or reading and become distracted. Strangely, thieves often steal only one shoe, leaving the puzzled owner to come down to the desk, stocking-footed, lone shoe in hand, only to have the librarian shudder and say, “Sorry, it’s long gone.”

    Although now that I think of it: some thieves may get off on seeing her pad around all forlorn and shit.


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