Fetish Fridays! NSFW Funnies

You know, I’m not sure why I call this occasional dip into the waters of perversity Fetish Fridays anymore…

It’s rare that I actually discuss a specific paraphilia these days. It’s a lot harder than you think, you know. Picking the right fetish…finding the right pictures and/or videos…avoiding all the fetishes that are boring, stupid or too fucked up even for Awesomeness.

I mean, I guess I could whip up a post about Somnophilia complete with a link to SleepCreep.com, but why?

I’d rather talk about Tijuana Bibles instead of some totally fake Snow White-whore-sleep-rape website…sorry…maybe next time, kids.

I really don’t remember exactly when I figured out what a Tijuana Bible was…it may have been sometime in 1986…and it just might have been because of Alan Moore’s WATCHMEN. Remember when Sally Jupiter got all excited when she found out she was featured in one? No? Well Zack Snyder did…check out the pic at the top of this post!

Pretty cool, huh? It’s the little details like that one that have me pretty damn excited about the upcoming film.

Anyway, even though there isn’t a real Tijuana Bible featuring the Silk Spectre there are plenty featuring some of your favorite characters from the funny papers! These little “fuck books” were what people used to look at waaaaaay back before there was The Internet, you know. But rest assured, they are filled with just as much porn, racism, and toilet humor that today’s internet connoisseurs expect!

Now, some of you youngsters might not remember Bringing Up Father, but if you’re anything like me, then you’re just dying to see anything involving sex and farts…

So click on the picture and get transported to the wonderful world of tijuanabibles.org!

Oh, Jiggs, you slay me!

They even have a Dagwood one…and even though they didn’t work in a gag involving giant sandwich insertion, it’s still pretty good.

Oh, and there’s Barney Google and J. Wellington Wimpy…and even Moon Mullins gets some action!

Okay, okay, I can tell all this old timey shit is boring the Hell out of you kooky kids…so we’ll cut this short. But as usual, I have to hit you up with one more picture then you can go look at all your shiny, futuristic, new fangled pr0n….sheesh…kids today!

I'll say! 23 skidoo!

Y’all ain’t got no appreciation for real entertainment!

99 Rivington Street

Has it really been 20 years since a teenage Mr. Canacorn went to the mall to buy one of his most cherished records of all time?

I know I’ve been talking about some of my more recent LP purchases the past couple of days, but today is kind of special, so I’m going to spotlight an old record…

Paul’s Boutique by The Beastie Boys and The Dust Brothers (including Matt Dike) just might be my all time favorite record ever made.

I couldn’t stop listening to this record for a year straight back in 89 and I still revisit it in one form or another to this day.

Lyrically it’s a ton of fun and with over a hundred samples packed into 15 tracks it never bores me. In fact, I just downloaded a commentary track from the Beastie’s site, just in case I didn’t learn everything I possibly could about PB from Dan Leroy’s 33 1/3 book back in 06.

And really, it’s the only double gatefold record I own…still…to this day. And how cool is that?

Pretty fucking cool, old man…pretty fucking cool.

Robots And Donuts

The Endless Training

I don’t know about youse guys, but I love robots…and I love donuts!

Thankfully there’s an artist who decided to to put two great tastes that taste great together! His name is Eric Joyner and I think he’s totally boss!

I found out about Mr. Joyner when I stumbled upon his book, ROBOTS & DONUTS at work the other day.

Here’s a brief description from the Dark Horse site:

“In Robots and Donuts Joyner celebrates the era of tin toy robots in a series of whimsical, thoughtful, sometimes tragic but always stunning paintings depicting mechanical men and women in outlandish and impossible settings.”

The painting on the cover of this book caught my eye…check it:

Summertime

And what I found inside blew my mind….enjoy some choice samples:

Frustration

The Final Blow

The Rope

Hey, where’s the donuts?! Oh, right….

The Players

Propellor Head

IO Jima

Check out more of Eric’s stuff at Ruminations from Tin World and buy yourself something pretty at his store!

Rocktober! Day 28

Hang tight, kids…we’re so close to being finished with Rocktober, I can taste it!

Today I bring to your attention, the Among The Living LP by ANTHRAX! Let’s start with the cover.

Who’s that standing out from the crowd of faceless nobodies? Why, it’s the delightful, Reverend Henry Kane!

The band once said that this dude was the one guy that really scared them…and that’s saying something for a bunch of guys that love horror movies and books as much as they do.

And speaking of books, there’s not one but two, cuts on this record inspired by world famous horror writer, Stephen King!

First up, the title track: Among The Living, pays homage to The Walkin’ Dude from King’s bloated masterpiece, The Stand.

Then there’s A Skeleton In The Closet, a breakneck thrasher based around the events of Todd Bowden’s fascination with Kurt Dussander, the “Blood Fiend” of Patin, from King’s novella, Apt Pupil.

There you go…Rocktober the 28th! It may have come late this year, but it’s done…and at this point, that’s all that matters to me.

Rocktober! Day 12

Let’s keep this one short and let the music speak for itself…

Today we get all literary thanks to Metallica and their H.P. Lovecraft inspired tune, “The Thing That Should Not Be” from the 1986 metal masterpiece, MASTER OF PUPPETS!

“That is not dead which can eternal lie, And with strange aeons even death may die.”
- H.P. Lovecraft

Here’s a quickie breakdown of the lyrics and Lovecraft’s story, The Shadow Over Innsmouth, at ENCYCLOPEDIA METALLICA.

Belated Post For Belated Gifts

I’ve been dying to post about some of the birthday gifts I received this year, but school (damn you, Chemistry) and work (damn you, ACL festival) have been keeping me more than busy. The Wife did a bang up job as usual and many thanks to my parents for sending some vintage 60s Playboy Magazines (they know their son so well)…but the real treat was a belated package from none other than my friend and depraved creator of Gorillanaut, Bwana Beast!

You know when you get a package from the G’Naut Compound that it’s going to be filled with so much awesomeness your head will spin! First up is the radical drawing of Optimus Prime and Bumblebee by one of Bwana’s sons…I’m assuming it was done by his oldest…notice the attention to detail on these old school 80s Autobots from the planet Cybertron! Way to go Lil’ Bwana…this was my favorite gift in the package your old man sent me!

Next up, 1988s amazing first issue of Gordon Shumway…er, I mean, ALF! If you thought the show was genius, just wait until you see what writer, Michael Gallagher and artist Dave Manak do with these iconic characters! I’ll have you comic nerds know, this is in mint condition and arrived boarded and bagged! I’ll also have you comic nerds know, I plan on folding it in half, shoving it in my back pocket, and taking it with me to the ACL festival…forever devaluing it below cover price! Ha!

If there’s one thing I love more than ALF, it’ gotta’ be ladies wrestling! And nothing says sexy wrasslin’ better than Jackie Stallone’s television masterpiece, Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling! Y’all remember GLOW, right? I guess it’s really no surprise Bwana threw in an issue of the short lived magazine for GLOW…we are, of course, a couple of men that appreciate the finer things in life, like literature, ladies, and lycra. It’s difficult to really explain in words why GLOW is so awesome…so peep this:

See the rest of the match HERE…Dallas gets a blowtorch to her face…seriously! Wow.

Bwana sent one more awesome piece of reading material…SLUGS by Shaun Hutson!

“They slime, the ooze, they kill…One female slug can lay one and half million eggs a year- a fact which holds terrifying consequences for the people of Merton. As the town basks in the summer heat, a new breed of slug is growing and multiplying. In the waist-high grass, in the dank, dark cellars they are acquiring new tastes, new cravings. For blood. For flesh. Human flesh…“

I just started it the other day and even though I’m only one chapter in, I’ve decided it fucking rules! Normally, this is a book I could finish in a day or so, but as I stated earlier, stupid school is taking up so much of my time…

Peep the synopsis HERE!

And finally we have a a total of seven dvds form the G’Naut vaults…the import section no less!

Bwana says,”I sent movies from my import shelf so it wouldn’t be stuff you could get through netflix, except for The Magic Sword, which is just cool. Devadam is a Turkish superhero flick with El Santo and Captain America fighting a evil Spider-Man.“

So other than, The Magic Sword and Devadam, I’m also the proud owner of:

-Deathship
-Rituals
-Deathstalker
-Morgus: Frankenstein Meets The Wolf Man
-[rec]

Wow! Pretty awesome, huh?

So, thanks again to everyone for another awesome birthday…and an extra big thanks to Bwana, for the most amazing grab bag of awesomeness! Now if only I had the time to enjoy all my new cool stuff!

Man-Up Mondays!

Another Monday…who’s it gonna’ be today?

I usually spotlight an actor in these posts, but today I’m getting all artsy on your asses. You might be surprised to learn that I am a man who appreciates the finer things in life…painting, sculpture, dance, theater, architecture, printmaking, and fetish photography!

Don’t go getting all weirded out…this isn’t going to be some post about Klismaphilia videos or Urolagnia photos, but something more sensuous and a little more family friendly…but if you’re so inclined…peep here and here for a walk on the wild side.

“Whenever in interview a model, I first inspect her legs
from the tip of her toes to the top of her hose.” -Elmer Batters (1919 -1997)

Ever hear of Elmer Batters? He takes the type of photos I can appreciate…why waste my time looking at Adams’ Monolith when I can feast my eyes on this:

Mr. Batters had an eye for the ladies, I’ll tell you what…but not just any part of the ladies, oh no…Mr. Batters was a leg man all the way. I can respect a man for having such a singular vision. He kept it classy but he also knew how to make his photos a little bit trashy too.

See? Just a touch of trash…enough to keep up with the other Joe’s increasingly risqué (if not downright pornographic) photographs….for a while. The shift to more hardcore images in the men’s magazine industry forced Elmer out for a while…but in the 80s, Leg Show magazine republished his work, introducing him to a younger audience and rekindling the imaginations of the older generation. You can see his influence in the works of Eric Kroll, Ed Fox, and Johnny Jaan along with countless imitators….but know this…Elmer is and was the best!

Be sure to hunt down a copy of FROM THE TIP OF THE TOES TO THE TOP OF THE HOSE (Tashen)…I got mine years ago at Half Price Books for only $30.00! I think it’s a little more pricey nowadays…

PING PING PING PING

I started this post forever and a day ago…and it just kind of got away from me. I had a thousand things I wanted to say about comic books and Jack Kirby, but I just couldn’t put it all together. I found myself spiraling away from the original intention of writing about Jack…I was linking to about 20 different blogs and web pages that highlighted The King and the many artists and writers he’s influenced…I had paragraphs about John Byrne and Grant Morrison, Marvel and DC, monsters and robots…the whole post just stopped making any sense to me.

I’d come back to it and delete some stuff…add some new things…and delete some more…I’d read amazing blogs about Jack and decide I was just being redundant and edit out some more stuff and try to get more focused.

Today I noticed that all I had left were about 5 complete sentences and a few links…Christ, I don’t want to start from scratch for the tenth time. I don’t want to even finish it anymore…

Well, I’m sick of seeing it in my unpublished posts section…so this is all I have and I never want to see this post again.

*****************************************************************************

There is nothing better than some hot, black coffee and some JACK KIRBY in the morning.

When I was just a little guy my Uncle Frank let me read his comic book collection when I was visiting Lynn in the Summer…that’s where I was introduced to all the Lee and Kirby Marvel Comics stuff. Uncle Frank had tons of Marvel titles but only a few DC books, so I wasn’t exposed to Jack’s 70s stuff until I got older….much older.

(and right here is where it all fell apart….wasted hours deleted in mere seconds)

(So after all my blah, blah, blah, I had a shit ton of links…which have now been reduced to a handful.)

!!!!!LINKS!!!!!

This guy knows quite a bit about Jack.

And from the mindless ones:

KIRBY’S GREATEST HELMETS PART 1!

GREATEST HELMETS PART 2!

More Kirby than you could shake a MEGA-ROD at right here!

Clickity Clickity

Heads up, gang! I just spent over 2 fucking hours traveling the tubes of the interweb searching for new and exciting blogs to share with my fellow time wasters…I mean, insatiable knowledge seekers…

So, direct your attention to the right and you will see some new links filed under some nifty new link categories ————————————————————————————>

Explicit Depictions**NSFW**
Do I have to spell this out for you? THESE LINKS ARE NOT SAFE FOR WORK!
Don’t be a baby and come crying to me if you click on one of these and see something that might offend you…okay? Okay.

Food, Food, Food
These are about…you guessed it….FOOD. This category is kinda’ new to me..so it will be a slow grower.

Heroes And Villains
I am a nerd…I like books with drawings in them…I call them comic books.

Hey, I know you!
I actually know these people…they have many interests…I am interested in what they are interested in.

Just stuff
That’s it…all sorts of stuff.

News
These kids keep me informed about all the important things going on in this cuckoo cuckoo world.

Persistence Of Vision
“Persistence of vision is the phenomenon of the eye by which even nanoseconds of exposure to an image result in milliseconds of reaction (sight) from the retina to the optic nerves. This is because persistence of vision depends on chemical transmission of nerve responses, and this biochemical hysteresis is much slower than the light transmission.“
…uh…movies and tee-vee…that kind of stuff…

Psychoacoustics
“Psychoacoustics is the study of subjective human perception of sounds. Alternatively it can be described as the study of the psychological correlates of the physical parameters of acoustics.”
…uh…music…you listen to it…

The Horror
I’m a sucker for all sorts of monsters, killers, slashers, and the people they love to kill…and so are these fine folks.

The Wife
You know her…I love her…she blogs.

Keep your eyes peeled…I’m sure I’ll be adding more…

The Action “Comes Alive” As You Read!

As a little guy I had quite a few PETER PAN RECORDS. Do y’all remember those read along LPs featuring some of your favorite comic book and tee-vee characters? Boy, I sure do…I even found an old Kojak record not too long ago…look:

Who loves ‘ya, baby? You know Mr.Canacorn does…that’s why I found this cool YouTube site that has all sorts of Power Records for your listening and viewing pleasure! There are SUPERHEROES, MONSTERS, and for you more mature kids, MOVIE TIE-INS!

Today, I present to you, PLANET OF THE APES! (I never had this one, but I finally got to read along with all the action…and now, so can you!)

Classic Planet of the Apes Read Along from Power Records…Part 1

Part 2

They also released all four exciting stories on one record!

AWESOMENESS!

So hop on over to SECRET CAVERN to get your read along on! Or just Google “Power Records” and be amazed by the number of sites devoted to sharing these wonderful records with you…for free!

Oh, and this was just too cool…

I know, I’m a nerd.