We have it on good authority that an animated “Kat” is going to replace Paula Abdul on American Idol’s 9th season! The “story” broke on Twitter (a free social networking and micro-blogging service for 12 year old girls and lonely middle age men) Tuesday night!
Paula “tweeted” some incoherent nonsense filled with numbers and symbols that we couldn’t make heads or tails of….luckily, 7th grader and regular Fetish Fridays reader, Cynthia Wheeler (age 12), was able to decipher the drunken text-based post by the former Mrs. Estevez.
“It says she’s sad and stuff about leaving the show or whatever and, uh, that some really old cartoon cat from the 80s is gonna’ be the new judge,” explained Cynthia via her cellular telephone early this morning.
We here at Awesomeness couldn’t be more thrilled about the exciting new opportunities that could be opening up for both Paula and American Idol!
I don’t know about y’all but, we’ve got our fingers crossed for a “almost 50 and still sexy” PaulaPlayboy pictorialand a celebrity sex tape scandal involving MC Skat Kat and Kara DioGuardi…
But until then, let’s watch this “awesome” video from American Idol’s new judge:
Yeah, yeah, yeah…just because I got me one of them there baby Canacorns doesn’t mean I’m gonna’ stop buying records.
Cut a dad some slack…besides, most of ‘em were used AND I hear that, “all babies have an instinctive sense of rhythm and a love of music,” so I’m actually doing the kid a favor…or whatever.
That okay with you, Judgy McJudgerton?
Okay.
Now that that’s out of the way…let’s see some of the LPs I’ve picked up this month…it’s been a while since we’ve taken a look at my record purchases, so instead of jamming up this post with a shit-ton of pics and videos I’ve decided to spread them out over a few posts….
Let’s see…where to start?
I guess we’ll go with the ladies…starting left to right on the top row and then left to right on the bottom row…
Well, hello there, Irene Cara!
Sure, we all loved her as Coco Hernandez in Fame and everyone’s favorite karaoke song to sing is the Moroder/Cara classic, “Flashdance…What A Feeling“…but the secret hit off of this record is the awesome “Breakdance“!
Don’t believe me about the awesomeness that is “Breakdance“?
Peep this shit:
Next up are twin knockouts, Cherie and Marie Currie! These two foxes (see what I did there? Cherie was in the Adrian Lyne film…oh, forget it…) only did this one record together…and despite lukewarm (at best) reviews, I still dig it.
Especially the cover of Russ Ballard’s “Since You’ve Been Gone“:
Moving on…to the beautiful (and busty) Lynda Carter*! Here she is singing “Toto” on Wonder Woman from her 1978 album, Portrait:
*This link is for the Awesomeness reader whose idea of a “Rock N Roll Fantasy” involve an elaborately costumed Ms. Carter doing a medley of Tina Turner, KISS, and Bette Midler songs accompanied by the Ikettes, fruity KISS impersonators and dancing gorillas…which should be all of you.
So this next one is a little misleading…yes there are some super sultry 80s babes in buckskin/mesh Indian inspired dancewear on the cover…but this is all Bohannon all the time.
I’ve talked about the ass shaking power that is Bohannon before…and the BOHANNON FEVER LP is more of the same…so let’s get on this “Party Train” mothersuckers and get funky in our pants areas:
And the last record for today is STARGARD’s What You Waitin’ For! Look at that cover…the sheer audaciousness of their Danilo Donatiesque FLASH GORDON inspired outfits was worth the 99 cents I paid for this sucker alone.
It doesn’t hurt that their funky brand of R&B is pretty fucking awesome as well…but you’re just going to have to take my word for it since YouTube let me down in the video department.
So, that’s the tip of the LP iceberg today, kids. Tune in next time for a whole bunch of soundtracks…
Okay, since we’ll never get another episode of ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT…I suggest that Mitchell Hurwitz should hit us up with a spin-off.
Anyone remember the Bill Bixby show from the early 70s called THE MAGICIAN?
Magic, bitches!
It was about a playboy magician that solved crimes…with magic! Pretty rad, right?
A trick is something a whore does for money...
Well, why not tweak that idea and make it a comedy with Will Arnett reprising his role as GOB as the crime busting illusionist?!
Imagine the hilarity…all the old gang could make cameos…The whole Bluth clan and especially The Hot Cops, Mr. Bananagrabber, and the lovable African-American puppet, Franklin!
I know, I know….I’m practically a fucking genius here….still not sold?
Okay, watch this old intro to THE MAGICIAN but imagine GOB as the titular character instead of Bill Bixby…
I know, I know, where the fuck have I been and what’s up with stuff, right?
Well, the short of it is, The Wife and I just had a baby Canacorn about a month ago and I’ve been knida’ busy doing all sorts of new dad type stuff.
Which means not much time for dicking around on the internets or watching many movies…and certainly not much time for blogging.
I have been visiting my old haunts (see the links in yon sidebar)…but more as a lurker than a commenter…so don’t be offended if you haven’t heard from lil’ ol’ me as of late.
Click this pic to read about the worms that came out of this man's ass.
Anyhoo, I did want to check in with youse guys to tell you about a new show I caught on The Travel Channel the other night.
Who’s Dr. Mike? Well, that’s the good doctor in the picture…the guy holding the handful of Giant Intestinal Roundworms that he just shit out of his ass….seriously…I saw him do it on the teevee.
So, this bat shit insane crazy man that claims to be a Dr. goes to Third World Countries and eats dirty food, drinks filthy water, and lets all sorts of bugs and animals chew on his flesh…all in the name of SCIENCE…or whatever.
Click this pic of Dr. Mike's back to read about bloodletting!
It’s truly fascinating….and Dr. Mike is so goddamn enthusiastic about getting leeches attached to his back and ass, drinking the “brown soup of excrement and industrial effluents” that is the Ganges River, and getting caught in the middle of a monkey gang fight, that the show has become a Casa Canacorn favorite after only one episode!
That’s right, you heard me…monkey gangs had a rumble and Dr. Mike was in a “drive by” biting.
You can’t make this shit up…
Oh, peep the teaser to the episode I saw:
Anyway, I just wanted to let you kids know that I’m alive and to hip y’all to crazy Dr. Mike and his amazing ass worms….
And then there was that time when John Larroquette wore a fake mustache and starred as Murray in the all Jewish production of Steinberg And Son in front of a live studio audience…
Hey, y’all remember that time when Valerie hung out at the beach house with Donna and creepy crossed eyed Clare to watch gymnastics and Val totally pretended to get drunk so she could spend the night in Kelly’s room and read her journal?
And remember when Val told Clare that Kelly had written some mean things about Clare’s hair in her journal?
I know Val only did it to get back at Kelly for getting back together with Brandon…again…but seriously, someone had to tell Clare…she’s been a fucking mess this season.
Looks like a certain someone needs to renew her subscription to the Sophisticate’s Hairstyle Guide already.
And…uh, Donna honey….you gotta’ stop hanging around with Clare. She’s just bringing you down. Okay? Okay.
Here’s a Canacorn fun fact…actually, it’s more of a Canacorn confession:
I didn’t know Lionel Richie was in The Commodores until 1995.
Yeah…I know. He was only the fucking front man of one of the biggest funk/soul bands of the 1970s.
Sue me.
Anyway, you guys remember the video for The Black Barry Manilow’s super awesome ballad, “Hello“?
You know, the one where “there’s something going on in the sculpture class“?
You don’t?!
Well, shit, let’s watch it now!
Wouldn’t it be cool to try and sculpt Lionel’s bust blindfolded?
Well, the fine folks at Lean Mean Fighting Machine thought so…and they made a video…I think you ought to check it out (make sure you watch the whole thing to see the amazing results)!
Wow! They’re all wonderful. All those kids get an A++++!
We have it on good authority that an animated “Kat” is going to replace Paula Abdul on American Idol’s 9th season! The “story” broke on Twitter (a free social networking and micro-blogging service for 12 year old girls and lonely middle age men) Tuesday night!
“It says she’s sad and stuff about leaving the show or whatever and, uh, that some really old cartoon cat from the 80s is gonna’ be the new judge,” explained Cynthia via her cellular telephone early this morning.
Yeah, yeah, yeah…just because I got me one of them there baby Canacorns doesn’t mean I’m gonna’ stop buying records.
Let’s see…where to start?
Hey boners!
