So, What Did You Accomplish At Work Today?

Today, I downloaded a new ringtone.

I know it doesn’t seem like an exciting topic to blog about, but just wait. Did you know T Mobile has sound effects for your phone? Sure you did. Did you know that they have over 10 different “bodily functions” options…mostly involving burping and farting noises? Now this might not seem all that great to you, but boy, did the 8 year old in me get super excited!

What to choose?

BIG FART
GRUNTING AND FARTING SLOB
LONG CONTINUOUS FARTING
MEDIUM FART
TOILET BOWL NASTINESS 1
TOILET BOWL NASTINESS 2

While I’m sure BIG FART is pretty much a classic and LONG CONTINUOUS FARTING has some major potential, I just had to go with the classy sounding: WET FART MONTAGE. I mean, doesn’t a sound collage of wet farts sound classier (and way more hilarious) than just a boring old MEDIUM FART?

I thought so too. So I ponied up my $1.99 and got me a WET FART MONTAGE ringer for my phone. Oh God, you should hear it! It’s all, “PPPPPFFFFFFTTTTTTTTT…PPPFFTT…PPPFFFTTTTTTTT!” My buddy and I spent about 20 minutes listening to my “FART FONE”….at work. Right out there on the floor. Granted, we’re not saving lives at the record store, but it was nice to stick it to the man by giggling over fart noises for almost a half hour on the clock. Take that, the man!

Once The Wife found out about THE FART FONE, she was less than enthused or amused that I spent $1.99 on a fart. I tried to explain that it wasn’t just a fart, but a WET FART MONTAGE.
A montage…you know…that makes it classy. She wasn’t buying it.

That was until THE FART PHONE went off in the truck on the way home….and being the perfect wife that she is, she laughed right along with her immature husband all through the whole montage of wet farts.

Ahh, love….and farts.

5 Responses to “So, What Did You Accomplish At Work Today?”

  1. Myrtle Says:

    Man, I wish I had a fart phone. Well, I have “Flash” by Queen as my ringtone, so I guess that’s close enough.

  2. mrcanacorn Says:

    “Flash” is a great ring, Myrt…but having the hilarious power of a wet fart montage in my pocket at all times is the stuff Presidents and Kings only dream of. I AM A GOD AMONG MEN!!

  3. Catherine Avril Morris Says:

    A fart tone!!! That’s fucking genius! And you know, it’s just a small leap from this post to one about pooping…at which point you can join me in having a “scatology” tag for your blog. We’ll be the only two on all of WordPress, my friend.

  4. Catherine Avril Morris Says:

    Also do you realize whenever Perez Hilton blogs about that Mischa Barton person (some blonde girl with no muscle tone, I dunno why she’s famous), he calls her Mischa Fartone? Hmmm… Does Perez have a hand in your phone co.’s ring tones???

  5. K Says:

    That is true love, my friend.


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