MAN-UP MONDAYS!

Okay, kids, I’m starting a new regular feature here at AWESOMENESS FOR AWESOME’S SAKE…all about men. It’s not going to be about health issues, sports stats, or how to pick up chicks, or whatever else men are supposed to be into…but about the men who make Mr. Canacorn’s world a better place to live in.

They aren’t all going to be heroes…Hell, most of them won’t be…they aren’t always going to be real…but they all will have one thing in common…

THEY ARE THE APOTHEOSIS OF MAN!

So, let’s get to the first masculine specimen in MAN-UP MONDAYS!


SHEMP HOWARD (March 17, 1895-November 23, 1955)

In Jewish culture, a boy becomes a man when he turns thirteen. In Stooge culture, it happens when he learns to love Shemp.

The Stooges played a significant role in the development of my sense of humor, much to the dismay of my mother. For some reason, mom thought The Stooges were “too violent” or some such nonsense. You know, I’ve rarely met a woman that could truly appreciate the physical slaphappy stylings of these comedy masters…needless to say, The Wife is certainly not a fan…and most certainly won’t be reading today’s post…oh well, her loss.

Moe, Larry, and Curly were a fine trio, but Shemp is by far my favorite Stooge…and don’t get me started on that whiny sissy, Joe Besser…man, I hate Besser…anyway, back to Shemp. His sense of physical timing is close to perfection, his facial expressions are often imitated but never duplicated, and his hair is the greasiest prop ever used to elicit laughter in comedy history.

To really be sold on Shemp, you just have to see him in action…

Here’s Shemp in the Stooge short, “FRIGHT NIGHT
SHEMPTASTIC!

Oh man, he slays me! There’s been a shit ton written about the man by far better writers than me…To learn more about The Man, The Myth, The Third Stooge head on over to WALL OF SHEMP!

Stay tuned for more manliness to come, every Monday, only at Awesomeness For Awesome’s Sake!

Booty Meat

Man, I love me some art…and YouTube is the place for young women artists to truly explore the four basic elements of performance art!

The use of time, space, the performer’s body and a relationship between performer and audience has never been more powerful thanks to artists like jf340763872, Taylorkicious, and Miztreewoman.

In your face, Carolee Schneemann! Take that, Dragon Jane! Give it up, Guerrilla Girls! It’s 2008 and there’s some fresh young talent in the house!

Okay…okay, I’m just kidding. But I do want to talk about a new to me artist, Dennis Knopf. It looks like he has his German fingers in many pies involving the visual arts, but it’s his awesome creation of BOOTYCLIPSE that really caught my eye.

BOOTYCLIPSE is a YouTube channel…and the artist describes it as such:
Users have powerful tools for publishing and distributing content at their fingertips, and they show us:
Ass. Wiggly, bare, fat, American ass. Regardless wether its motivation emerged from the overload of casting shows, or music videos showing dancing titts in slow-motion; people tend to use YouTube to show what they can do, and boy can them gurls shake dat booty meat. Instead of getting distracted by the hot underaged ass jigglin to crunky beats the viewer can now reflect on the whole format of these home-made booty clips. Naturally the question arises wether the low-brow use of the given tools is what media firms are trying to achieve; or isn’t there a reason why TV is so stupid?

You see, he removes the booty shaker and leaves the room and the music….Need a visual? I thought so.

About This Video
Gettin my sexy on…

Yes

So, here’s the original Yes.

I have to admit, that I’m fascinated by the creepiness of the whole thing…here’s another:

About This Video
mi a dance yes

pump up her pum pum

You can watch the original here.

It’s all just so depressing…all of it…the original videos and the reimagined ones. But I can’t stop watching them…check out BOOTYCLIPSE and get your art on!

Thanks to SEX & BLOGS for the heads up!

The DWI Stud!

That’s right, you heard me…The DWI Stud aka BULLETPROOF! He’s a lawyer. His new ad on the back page of a local Austin zine caught my eye and I thought I’d share it with you.

Can you read what it says? Here, I’ll help:

“Check out Austin’s hottest DWI TAPES from cases where people were found NOT GUILTY. There are lots of DWI LAWYERS in town, but how many TAPES do they have? Who can put it down in the courtroom, and make them take it like he wants? BULLETPROOF, THE DWI STUD That’s who…You’d be a fool not to check out this man’s body of work. Watch him perform and then, you decide who you want.”

I’ll say it again, “HE IS A LAWYER.

All I could say after seeing this ad was, “What the fuck is wrong with this guy?” I mean, there’s no mention of a website, no phone number, no nothing…just a disturbing photo of some “stud” (with a sixth grader’s head pasted over his body) doing some “lady police” doggy style in (what is possibly) Adam’s townhouse bedroom.

I’ve been hearing about this guy for years now. He’s sort of a legend around the record store. I’m not sure I’d want him as my lawyer but he has represented some of my fellow employees.

Oh, here’s a picture of him and his partner, Bruce Garrison:

Reposa and Garrison…the “best damn law dogs” in town!

Bulletproof was recently in the news…peep this AUSTIN-AMERICAN STATESMAN article.

He also has an infomercial on YouTube…but before you watch it, watch this short “making of” first:

Here’s BULLETPROOF directing his amazing infomercial!

Uh, wow?

Here’s the final product…I like to call it: “What is a lawyer?”

You know, maybe Adam is the guy to call?

An Unparalled Electronic Achievement!

I found a blog the other day that caught my eye…it’s kind of nerdy…wait…I take that back.

It’s super nerdy! There’s this guy (at least I think it’s a guy) who decided to blog about his collection of TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES comic books.

He even has a mission statement:

1. Going through my nigh-complete set of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles comics one at a time, a few a week, forever.

2. Writing up a stupid little taste of something for each damn one.

3. Refusing to pun.

WTF, right? But I’m totally fascinated by this idea…because I am also a nerd. So, I’ve started making my way through his posts and the one on FUGITOID got me thinking about that show with Urkel…

FAMILY MATTERS.

I was aware that this show existed, but never really watched it. Sure I saw an episode here and there, but the bulk of my tee-vee viewing was not spent on sitcoms about middle class African-American families living in Chicago.

So what does all this have to do with the title of today’s blog? Well, I was trying to explain the TMNT blog to a buddy at work and we got to talking about Urkel. Being about 6 years younger than me, he actually watched FAMILY MATTERS even though he hated Urkel. When one of our workmates (okay, I guess I don’t have to say this, but I’m going to say it anyway…he’s Black) walked by, we asked him how he felt about Urkel.

Black workmate: Urkel? I love Urkel.
Me: What about robot Urkel?
Black workmate: Oh, robot Urkel was DOPE!
Me: Fair enough.

Was robot Urkel really dope? There was only one way to find out…TO THE INTERWEB!

After some research and this video, I have decided that the answer is, “Yes. Robot Urkel was indeed dope.”

You see, robot Urkel was played by none other than MICHAEL BOOGALOO SHRIMP CHAMBERS! That’s right, Boners, Turbo from the BREAKIN’ movies!

Peep the technique!

In my modest (and White) opinion, the real Urkel was an annoying character, but if it wasn’t for him, the world would be without that dope robot….so I guess Urkel is okay in my book.

Two For Tuesdays

I know last week was a bit rough for some of my more sensitive readers (Dr. Julius, anyone?) so how about a gentler twofer this week, kids?

Today we get all twee new pop with HAIRCUT 100!

Oh, Nick, I just love the way you look at me with those big brown eyes and that impish schoolboy grin…

LOVE PLUS ONE

Fuck, can they wear anymore sweaters?! And what gives with all the smiling…awww, who am I trying to kid, I love these blokes!

FAVOURITE SHIRTS (BOY MEETS GIRL)…turn up your speakers, this one’s kinda quiet…

More sweaters….and does the drummer ever stop smiling?! Has anyone ever had as much fun playing the sweet, sweet saxophone? If so, please let me know, cause I love the saxophone more than Ding Dongs…and daddy loves his Ding Dongs.*

* I accept all gay jokes that my fearless readers decide to subject me to now and forever…just make ’em good ones…

Happiness is….

According to Genghis Khan:

“Happiness lies in conquering one’s enemies,
in driving them in front of oneself, in taking their property,
in savoring their despair, in outraging their wives and daughters.”

And Conan said:

“To crush your enemies — See them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women!”

But sometimes…it’s just as easy as quitting your job:

That’s right, The Wife has left the building….actually, she has a few weeks left at the old job. It’s going to be kind of strange not having her around all day. Oh, in case y’all didn’t know, The Wife and I have worked together for eight years.

I know, I know, “Don’t shit where you eat” and all that, but it’s been different for us. You see, we’re actually friends. Weird, huh? We enjoy spending time together…as in, ALL DAY LONG.

I guess we’re just funny that way. Anyway, I just wanted to throw out a big, “CONGRATULATIONS AND GOOD LUCK,” to my partner…I’ll miss you around the workplace…but at least we have the homestead.

Love, Your Old Man.
XOXO

Doomsday Cults, Devil’s Triangle, Black Revolutionaries, Bikers, and Blue Eyed Soul.

Crazy title for a blog, huh? Well, it must mean another payday has come and gone and daddy has snatched up another pile of LPs for his listening pleasure.

Let’s start with this whole DOOMSDAY CULT business:

Hey, it’s that sarin gas wacko! That’s right kids, what we have here is a 7″ featuring 2 songs from none other than Shoko Asahara…yoga enthusiast, cult leader, and now, velvety crooner!

I have to admit, “Lord Death’s Counting Song” and “Sonshi’s March” were both relaxing little songs to start my morning off with. Pretty cool 45, but truth be told, when it comes to Japanese music, nothing makes me more happy than THE MOTHRA SONG by those delightful shobijinn.

So what about this mysterious Devil’s Triangle, then?


1979s THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE by TOMITA! It has a beautiful sea blue colored vinyl and according to the packaging, “Each side of this record contains coded data in the form of certain sound effects. The message can be recovered if the electrical signal from the record is interfaced with the input of a micro computer programmed to the TARBEL System.

Say what? Whatever, nerds, it’s Tomita, and I loooove me some Moog and Roland Synthesizers! If you’ve never heard of this dude, please click around and amaze your ears.

“The man got down…the brothers were ready… You must see it! It’s a mother!”

The soundtrack to THE FINAL COMEDOWN by Grant Green. I haven’t seen this movie, but believe me, I’m on the lookout! I couldn’t find any clips of the film online, but here’s a musical sampling:


Fuck yeah, now that’s funky!

Now howsabout some Bikers? That’s a little misleading…you see, there are some bikers featured in EVERY WHICH WAY BUT LOOSE:

THE BLACK WIDOWS!

But the soundtrack has both kinds of music…Country and Western!


And that leaves us with blue eyed soul…peep the SMITH lp in the upper left of the pic. I finally got my hot little hands on this fucking record! Remember when I was all gay for Gayle McCormick a few posts back? It’s mine now, and I plan of playing the shit out of it.

That’s all for now….oh, and I’ll be posting some big big news about some new happenings for The Canacorns tomorrow! Stay tuned!