Two For Tuesdays

So I work at a record store, right? I try to avoid bitching about the customers and getting all stereotypical record store employee on this here blog…but today, I’m going all fuck that and letting off a little steam.

There’s a certain type of customer who doesn’t want any help from “younger people”. You’d think it would be the real old timers looking for the LIGHT CRUST DOUGHBOYS or some BOB WILLS…but you’d be wrong. The old timers are some of the best people to help…almost always polite, thankful, and plum surprised when a young feller like myself is actually interested in the music their interested in.

The real problem customers are THE BOOMERS. They can’t stand the thought that anyone younger than them even knows what music is, man. It’s always the same routine, “Can you get me someone more my age…they’ll know for sure what ALLMAN BROTHERS CD “QUEEN OF HEARTS” is on.” It’s like, “If you didn’t experience the 60s, man, you just won’t be able to help me.” ARGH! It would blow their minds if they knew I listened to music made before 1991!

(Side note: “Queen of Hearts” was originally on Gregg Allman’s Lp LAID BACK)

Anyway, I got a real live Boomer the other day who wanted a song she knew the title to but not the artist…and if I could get someone older…you know, more her age, they’d know who sang it. Well, I blew her mind by using a computer and typing in the song title..and what do you know, up popped the info we needed!

Oh, this was the song:

Just When I Needed You Most

Pretty cool song, Boomer…………..but not cool enough for TWO FOR TUESDAYS here at AWESOMENESS!

Maybe if I was more your age I wouldn’t listen to this:

KING DIAMOND

WELCOME HOME

SLEEPLESS NIGHTS

Fuck you, Boomers!

Death To False Metal!

Okay everybody, pay attention so there’s no whining or complaining…

THE FOLLOWING LINK IS SO NSFW (THAT MEANS: NOT SAFE FOR WORK) IT’S NOT EVEN FUNNY…well the link is funny, but it won’t be funny if you’re caught watching PORN at work….

IF YOU CLICK ON THE LINK BELOW, YOU WILL BE EXPOSED TO PORN!

DO NOT FOLLOW THE LINK IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY PORN…or by totally awesome guitar playing…

Rock out with your cock out!!!!!

Thanks to SEX AND BLOGS

Man-Up Mondays!

HOLY CATS! It’s another totally awesome masculine specimen of manliness.

COMMANDER USA (Soaring super hero! Legion of Decency – Retired)

Jim Hendricks…I have no idea when this guy was born or if he’s still alive.

I spent many hours with The Commander and his sidekick Lefty in the 80s…we watched some of the crappiest movies along with some real gems right in my living room! Actually, he was in Jersey, but it felt like he was right there in San Antonio…hanging with The Commander was so much cooler than riding bikes with my friends (especially since I don’t know how to ride a bike), swimming (especially since I don’t know how to swim), or playing football (especially since I hate sports). The Commander seemed like the kind of guy that you could have a few beers and a couple of smokes with while chewing the rag about movies, chicks, music, and all the important things life has to offer. You knew he’d always be interested and enthusiastic about whatever you had to say and you could always depend on him to talk straight and keep it real…I mean, he’s a retried superhero for Christ’s sake.

To steal (and amend) something Bruce McCulloch once said, The Commander, he don’t give me no shit and he don’t fuck around and he’s just the fucking coolest guy and I wanna say I love Commander USA.”

Way before Joel and the bots kept us in stitches with their high-larious commentaries and wacky skits, The Commander had a stranglehold on weekend entertainment for the nerds, losers, and misfits.

The Commander raps!

The Commander and Folksinger Frank!

The Commander’s MYSPACE PAGE.

For lots of videos of the Commander check out commanderusafan818 on YouTube!

And remember, “Keep your nose in the wind… and your tail to yourself…

Adventures of Young Richard: The Quest for the Lost Scepter.

OOOOOOOHHHHH, I love me some good news stories! You know, I’m just so burned out with all this “Who will be our next president” boring, boring, no one cares, I stopped listening months ago news. Give me the real news

Here’s the article from the NEW YORK POST.


QUEST

This is my favorite line of the article:

“It wasn’t immediately clear what the rope was for.”

Uh, hello, he’s got meth in his pocket and a “sex toy” stuffed in his boot…what in the hell do you think the rope was for? This man loves to party! That there is his party rope!

You know, this kind of behavior makes me think of one of my FRIENDS.

“You’re welcome.”

Why Am I So Fucked Up?

Well, according to most doctor and science types, it has something to do with my childhood. All of my problems, fears, and hang-ups are thanks to the endless hours of tee-vee watching I did as a little guy…filling my head with all sorts of horrors…slowly molding me into the maladjusted some-bitch that I am today.

But wait! I’m not alone….it seems like we all received unhealthy doses of mind warping trauma…and some evil geniuses have decided to blog about it…


KINDERTRAUMA

“KINDERTRAUMA is about the movies, books, and toys that scared you when you were a kid. It’s also about kids in scary movies, both as heroes and villains. And everything else that’s traumatic to a tyke!

Through reviews, stories, artwork, and testimonials, we mean to remind you of all the things you once tried so hard to forget…”

Which reminds me of 1983..I was eleven and didn’t scare easily, but this freaked my shit:

Bad Mags!

The Flip-Side of Popular Culture As Seen Through Magazines and Tabloids!

“BAD MAGS illuminates the darker recesses of “pop lit”–focusing upon the strangest, sleaziest and most unusual periodicals and tabloids
published in the US from the fifties through the eighties.

BAD MAGS lists well over 200 publications, each listed with issue numbers, volumes, dates, publishers addresses, cover price, and page count. Each listing also has information on the articles and features of interest mixed with anecdotal information, including entries by David Kerekes.

BAD MAGS is a unique, helpful and informative guide to a hugely popular, now neglected, aspect of US literary history.”

Have fun poking around BAD MAGS…as most of my blogs seem to be NSFW be careful with that link!

Brokeback Lunchsack

Hey kids, check out what The Wife made me!

It’s my big gay lunchsack! That’s right, I’m man enough to carry my Weight Watchers approved meals in an awesomely gay cowboy tote!

The fabric is from REPRODEPOT FABRICS

Here’s a closer look:

Look out world, I’m going green…no more tacky THANK YOU bags cluttering up my bag hutch!

Thanks to The Wife…and Pit Pat, of course…

Uh…um…This is Amazing.


RISKAY

The Most Significant Televisual Event Since “Quantum Leap”…

What could it be,” you ask?

Just a little show from the 80s called Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace! Never heard of it? I’m surprised…I mean, you must have read one or two of Garth’s novels…look over on the bookshelf…nestled between James Joyce and Stephen King…surely THE TITAN OF TERROR resides between these other literary giants!

Do you see a copy of SLICER or AFTERBIRTH or THE OOZE?

NO? What the fuck, man?! Oh, not “a reader”…That’s cool. Well, lucky for you The One Man Fear Factory made a television show and Channel 4 has finally decided to release DARKPLACE…the show that was considered “too subversive, too dangerous, too damn scary” to be aired! Not only do you get the first 6 episodes but also present day interviews with Garth and the rest of the cast!

Here’s a very brief description of DARKPLACE from the wiki:

“The series’…premise is that…in the 1980s, best-selling horror author Garth Marenghi and his publisher/publicist, Dean Learner, made their own…television series with a single intent: “to change the evolutionary course of Man over a series of half-hour episodes.” Set in Darkplace Hospital, “over the very gates of Hell,” in Romford, East London, Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace shows the adventures of Dr. Rick Dagless, M.D., as he fights the forces of darkness while simultaneously coping with the pressures of working in a modern hospital.”

If you’re a fan of KOLCHAK: THE NIGHT STALKER, WEREWOLF, and SWAMP THING then you owe it to yourself to at least check out the first episode…I’ve made it easy for you:

ONCE UPON A BEGINNING (PART 1)

PART 2

PART 3

Go here to learn more about The Dream Weaver, Garth Marenghi!

Two For Tuesdays

I was not familiar with R&B singer / songwriter DON COVAY until last week. A fellow employee at the record store popped on a greatest hits cd that stopped me in my tracks. Don had that great storytelling ability with minute attention to detail* I’ve only noticed in R. Kelly’s greatest efforts.

This one has become my personal favorite:

SOMEBODY’S BEEN ENJOYING MY HOME

He drank the last six pack of beer?! That bastard!

While poking around for Mr. Covay songs I came across this little gem about…..JAWS?!

SIX MILLION DOLLAR FISH

Wow…

*See: I WAS CHECKIN’ OUT…