Last week, The Wife and I sat down to a lovely evening of dinner and a movie…dinner was consumed in our usual 10 minutes, the kitchen was cleaned, the lights dimmed, and then…the film:
That’s right, fellow Americans, it’s RAMBO TIME!
Ahhhhh, JOHN RAMBO…80s icon, freaky HGH-case, and all around interweb darling. I’m sure you’ve already heard everything you ever needed to hear about the latest installment in the Rambo franchise, but I’m going to bore you anyway….
First off, The Wife actually fell asleep during the final 20 minutes of bloody carnage! Can you believe it?! Don’t worry, I made her watch the gruesome end the next day, but seriously…she…fell…asleep to the soothing sounds of a 50 caliber human slayer…now that’s a commitment to sleeping.
Before The Wife drifted off to la-la-land she made some great observations about the film:
1) “If the giant crazy guy that lives in the jungle tells you to go home, you should go home.”
2) “We never watch movies like this.” To which I replied, “They don’t make movies like this….not even in the 70s.”
3) After the, oh I don’t know, eighth totally fucked up, horrible, no good thing the Burmese military did…”I get it! They’re bad!”
4) “The word ATROCITY keeps popping into my head.”
5) “This is brutal…This is like a snuff film…I feel dirty.”
6) ****Possible spoiler**** “Why didn’t Rambo take off his shirt?”
7) “I wish Frank Stallone wrote the theme song.” And the she proceeded to sing a beautiful impromptu Frank-style song about Rambo…God, I love this woman!
Anyway, I thought RAMBO was great…and not just in a cheesy, big dumb way….there was something more to it…something intense. And I’m not just talking about the 7 confirmed child kills in one scene alone. But what was it really? What darkness lurks in Sly’s puzzle box of a mind? There was only one way to find out…TO THE DIRECTOR’S COMMENTARY!
The following quotes (in BOLD) are right from Sly’s lips to my ears to your eyes..and I’ll paraphrase a couple of things as well….don’t worry, there a ton of great sound bites from Sly that I won’t ruin for you commentary watchers out there….here’s a few I found entertaining.
The actual war footage at the beginning was to set the tone of JOHN RAMBO and educate us about the plight of the Burmese people…just a note, he actually removed the more graphic scenes so we wouldn’t be distracted once the movie started!
Sly mentions at least 4 different times throughout the film that he was trying to not be “too heavy handed” or “too over the top” since this was “not a fantasy film.”
Discussing Michael Burnett’s freak out after Rambo slaughters 5 Burmese pirates in less than 1 minute…”[There’s] nothing worse than being ungrateful after someone kills five pirates for you.”
I seriously confirmed SEVEN child kills in the village raid scene…I know, you think there was only six, but look closely…in the background there…what the…yep, it’s a child skewered on a fucking bayonet! Boo-ya! Seven!
One of my favorite quotes was, “The majority of the violence…was plausible.”
Explaining the gratuitous throat stabbing…”It’s just not that simple to kill a man.” And you know what, he’s fucking right. Have you ever watched some of those reenactments on AMERICA’S MOST WANTED?
Sly on The Human Slayer, “[This is the] first time you see what a real 50 caliber can do to a human body…It vaporizes the body.”
Oh, when Rambo rips that would be rapist’s throat out with his bare hands, Sly told me, “It’s almost a sensual thing…Like it’s a sexual frustration on Rambo’s part.”
And the final two best quotes about JOHN RAMBO:
“If you can’t be great, let’s be truthful.”
“He’s (Rambo) a solitary man…Now you know…Now you know.”
Pretty cool huh? Just to make The Wife’s dreams come true…I present a FRANK STALLONE song for RAMBO 4!
I LOVE YOU, WIFE!…AND JOHN RAMBO….and you too, Frank.