Jason Heller And I Just Don’t Agree…

Hey kids, what’s up with stuff? I know it’s been a while since I’ve talked about any of my recent record purchases…that’s because I haven’t picked up any new vinyls in a few weeks and I’m sitting on quite a hefty backlog that needs some blogging about.

Soooo, let’s talk The Sword…or as I like to call them, THE “S” WORD! No, not like “shit”…It’s a joke around the record store…one of our employees actually thought the band’s name was THE “S” WORD….groan…welcome to Waterloo, where some employees don’t know shit about shit…

This little guy was limited to 1,000 pieces and I picked one up.

Fire Lances of the Ancient Hyperzephyrians 10″ picture disc!

Wow, check the super sweet art of GEOFF KERN! Man, I need to buy a van and get Mr. Kern to customize the shit out of it toot sweet!

Then there’s the sophomore release by the Demigod’s of Metal: GODS OF THE EARTH

I loved this record as much as AGE OF WINTERS…but one guy totally disagrees with me. His name is Jason Heller…and he pulls no punches.

Here’s Jason Heller’s review of the new Sword LP:

For all intents and purposes, The Sword’s Gods Of The Earth is the exact same album as its predecessor, Age Of Winters. That isn’t a good thing. Like the group’s debut, Gods sounds like a botched retelling of a bad joke about heavy metal. Every moldy riff can be smelled from miles away, and each battleaxe-and-wizard-littered image is lifted wholesale from the side of a ’70s custom van. Of course, there’s a thin line between having fun and poking fun—but it’s never clear where The Sword is coming from. Sadly, it seems likely that these guys take what they do seriously. When did mythic quests and thunderous battles become so quotidian and inconsequential? How can cranking everything to 11 produce such a whimper? With metal-scavenging bands like Big Business and Saviours currently stalking the earth with far more brute force and riff-wielding instinct, The Sword feels dull. In spite of a few points for basic competency—the band deserves at least a little credit for figuring out how to hold their guitars with the strings facing the right way—Age Of Winters comes off as the soundtrack to a particularly lame tactical RPG. Final Fantasy? If only.

A.V. Club Rating: D+

OUCH! Well, I may not agree with Mr. Heller, but I have to admit, I did enjoy his review….and that’s because I haven’t lost my ironic appreciation of irony…or whatever.

“S” WORD….shit or gold?

6 Responses to “Jason Heller And I Just Don’t Agree…”

  1. bwanavoodoo Says:

    As Henry Silva would say “Who the fuck is this cherry?”. How dare some one make a non-ironic heavy metal album. Do you know this Heller asshole? Does he work with you? Because I will drive down there with my three kids and beat his ass. I think the new album is better than the first one.

  2. mrcanacorn Says:

    Naw…Heller writes for The Onion. I think it’s his job to write sarcastic music reviews. Not a bad gig if you ask me….but you didn’t, so, uh…

    I’d love to see you and your little hellions take on anything…man, bear, shark, half alligator-half wasp….anything.

  3. bwanavoodoo Says:

    That explains it. The Onion is a snobby, drippy lot of worthless chumps.

  4. mrcanacorn Says:

    Woah, buddy….is somebody in a fightin’ mood? Having a bad day, big guy? Want a soda?

  5. bwanavoodoo Says:

    I suppose The Onion’s okay in tiny doses but it just seems tired. The music/film part is worthless though. Too much “let’s see what Douchey La Femme of Radiohead has on his i-pod” and what movies Wes Anderson likes ironically?” type stuff.

  6. mrcanacorn Says:

    Agreed. I glance at the headlines in the can at work….but I always read the Savage Love column.

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