The Dirty Secret Of Waterloo Records

What the fuck is that smell? Where is it coming from? Is it me? No it can’t be..wanna know why? Here’s a real quick Canacorn fun fact: I don’t stink. Seriously, I have no body odor. Just ask The Wife. It’s true….I don’t even have to wear deodorant. Weird, huh?

Anyway, back to that fucking smell….oh look, it’s the refrigerator at work. Now that The Wife doesn’t work at the record store anymore, who’s gonna’ clean it out? There’s about 90 of us here, why won’t anyone man-up and clean this OPERATION WHITECOAT inspired diarrhea factory?

Alright, that’s it! I’ll do it.

So, the first rule for cleaning out the Waterloo fridge is: ALWAYS LEAVE A NOTE WARNING THE EMPLOYEES THAT THEIR ROTTING LEFTOVERS WILL BE UNCEREMONIOUSLY THROWN IN THE GARBAGE.

The best part about my note…as I was writing it, a fellow employee said, “Oh great. I was wondering when someone was going to do this.”

Don’t worry kids, you still have a Canacorn to lean on to do your dirty work!

So, what’s inside the Waterloo fridge? Let’s take a looksee.

What’s the worse thing that could happen?

Well, it’s been worse. Let’s get a little closer.

Seriously? You guys super suck. But what is that smell?!


Gah! That stinks…but it’s not quite right.


Bleh! That’s the one!


Hey, boners , next time somebody else is going to have to do this! Oh, who am I kidding? I’m the only employee around here that doesn’t enjoy wallowing in their own shit.


This is the “food” that some of my illustrious employees will complain about being thrown away….obviously, they are junior Mycologists and I’m some sort of senior asshole.

And now the note to let my little piggies know what has happened.

What’s a Performance Bonus, you ask. Well, it’s some sort of elusive monetary reward promised to Waterloovians for going above and beyond their normal duties at work….and it’s something I still have yet to receive. No surprises there. You’re welcome.

7 Responses to “The Dirty Secret Of Waterloo Records”

  1. bwanavoodoo Says:

    Wow, you’re the “Ben” to their “Dharma Initiative”. You should gas all of them. I usually think “mouthbreather” when I think Waterloo. A big mix of various malcontents, depressives, annoyingly sensitive vegans, a couple of slutty chicks, many failed musicians and maybe a trust fund baby that wants to be cool. But I’m basing that on around 1989 or so. Rib reminded of this guy that worked there back then recently, big into kiddie porn it turned out.

  2. mrcanacorn Says:

    Wow…things have not changed a bit at the ‘loo. I started in 1999…I can’t believe I’ve been there for so long. Uh, who was the kiddie porn guy…wait! Just email me at home.

  3. swede Says:

    No performance bonus yet? Why am I not surprised.

  4. mrcanacorn Says:

    I finally got my $10 PB in the form of a ‘Loo gift certificate (as I requested).

    One of my fellow employees said, “They gave you ten bucks for that? Next time I’m cleaning the fridge!”

    It’s all yours.

  5. K Says:

    That macaroni looked fucking delicious. Why’d you throw that out?

  6. Wherein I Suck Up to the Admins « she eats. Says:

    […] Waterloo’s Dirty Little Secret […]

  7. mrcanacorn Says:

    Shitfire and damnation, woman, you do have the stomach of a goat! Oh, thanks for the tag, you’re sweet….even if you are kind of gross. 😉


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