A Moment Of Silence

Things will be kind of quiet around Casa Canacorn for a week or so. Sadly, we’ve had a death in the family (my grandmother has passed) and blogging will have to take a backseat for a bit.

Things will return to Awesomeness after the break.

Joe Camel Is Off Cigarettes!

Fetish Fridays!

Okay, it’s Friday…so that means we’re back with another case of physiological erotism! Last week I went easy on youse guys and this week will be fairly safe as well. Ever hear of PYGMALIONISM? No? Sure you have. Think about it…oh, ever seen this before?

(Bet you thought you were gonna’ be peeping some Cattrall/McCarthy action, huh?)

Then there’s the darker side of Agalmatophilia.

Yikes…I prefer my mannequins less creepy. I wonder where I could get myself a sexy/busty mannequin to keep me company when The Wife is out of town?

I wonder……

Oh, awesome…I found this totally rad Mannequin Store online! My favorite is definitely Sasha the Gorgeous Reclining Mannequin..I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s her rare sitting position or maybe it’s her pierced ears and molded hair….

Oh Sasha, when you’re mine, I’ll always remember to “install right leg before left.”

Total Brutal

I’ve been hearing about this little metalcore nerdfest for a while now but I’ve held off on listening to it for some reason. Well, I finally got my hands on a cd yesterday.

Obviously Ed Repka‘s cover art is fucking killer. The band name and album title is simple yet genius. There are “guitar solos on every song by world class shredders.” Oh, and it has a theme…you see, all songs are based on Arnold Schwarzenegger one liners from the 80s.

Heh. My musical tastes have mellowed a bit in my old age, but this is just too fucking ridiculous not to love.

I wish the official video for GET TO THE CHOPPA was online already, but it’s not…so this will have to do for now:

Gorillanaut <3s Films For Little Girls!

Gorillanaut is totally changing up their image…seriously. From now on we’ll only be reviewing films intended for tweens and/or prepubescent girls! HOORAY FOR GORILLANAUT!!

Now we’ll finally get all the internet action…especially on our chat boards (or wherever guys go to meet young girls so they can help them with their homework)!

I got all in touch with my inner nine year old girl and reviewed two totally awesome movies!



Of course our resident big girl started this whole new direction for G’naut by reviewing…


Oh, and if you’re not a little girl there is no reason to watch any of these films…not even to masturbate to…seriously.

When you can take the pebble from my hand, it will be time for you to leave.

AAAAAAAWWWWWWW SHIT! It’s David Carradine, y’all, and he’s teaching this Grasshopper some Chi Kung and Tai Chi energy workouts!

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “Canacorn, you hate exercise! Why did you go and waste a bunch of money on a Tai Chi workout dvd?

First off, you can call me Grasshopper, it’s what Master David would want. And second, I didn’t buy the dvd. I rented it from Netflix. You see, The Wife is a genius and she told me that renting exercise videos from Netflix is a great way to try them out and see if they’re worth your time and money. Smart huh? I think she read that in a magazine or something….she’s read a whole magazine cover to cover before!

I told you she was a genius.

Now you must be wondering, “Why Tai Chi, Cana- uh, Grasshopper?

Good question. My buddy Swede just recently started a beginners Tai Chi workout regiment and purchased the complete Kung Fu television series, so needless to say, Tai Chi and Master David have been on my mind lately. If you know me, then you know I’m incredibly high strung and stressy…and I’m plagued with all sorts of back problems. So it just makes sense to get my chi back into whack and strengthen my back and leg cores all at the same time. And who can I trust on my journey to a fitter body and mind? David fucking Carradine, thats who! Just look at him. The hair…the rings…the electric yellow silk pajamas…he is a living God! And have you heard his voice? It’s soothing and commanding…When Master David tells me, “Don’t forget to breathe,” I listen and remember. But Master David isn’t alone. He’s brought friends.

There’s Kinda’ Attractive Girl, Black Guy, Master Arnold, and Old Lady. They really help me stay focused and keep a positive attitude about the whole thing. You know when you’re learning something new and you get all confused and frustrated and want to quit, but then you’re like, “Wait a minute, if that old lady and kinda’ attractive girl and that dude who looks like Eriq La Salle can do it, so can I!

So far I’ve only done the first few exercises, so I’m not totally rocking the smooth “energy skills” to harmonize my insides and focus my mentals…but I’m really excited about finally finding inner peace, harmony, strength and health…or whatever.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention the music! It’s all whooshy and flutey….I hate to admit it, but I like it. It’s not like I’m gonna’ be rockin’ some Dokken while trying to get my chi correct, know what I mean?

I know this all sounds a little fruity, but don’t worry, you don’t feel like an asshole getting your Tai Chi on….not when you’re looking at this:

“Grasshopper, when I’m done with you, you too will have the strength to face Quetzalcoatl!”

Two For Tuesdays

Uh, get lucky this week, boners!



If those Canadians don’t do it for you, maybe you’d like some of this!

*Thanks Kindertrauma!

Man-Up Mondays!

Is he man, mite, imp, or just an all around pain in the ass?

Why he’s all of the above…he’s BATMITE! With all the Bat-hype going on it was just soooo obvious to spotlight Batmite. Joker-schmoker…I’m sure Heath is all great and everything, but I really don’t care about the new Bat-franchise. The first movie left me cold and I have zero desire to see the new one. But if Batmite was in it, that would be a whole ‘nother story!

People seem to treat Batmite like he’s some sort of Scrappy Doo or Cousin Oliver….nothing is further from the truth! If you care to remember, Batmite was created waaaay back in 1959…he wasn’t added later to appeal to a younger audience or inject new life into a sinking title. Oh no, my friends, Batmite was following in the footsteps of such wonderful Pre-Crisis characters like Ace the Bat-Hound and Beppo the Super Monkey!
We’re talking Silver Age greatness here, people. Comics got good and goofy with hearty fistfuls of super-science stories and mind melting artwork before things took a turn for the grim and gritty. Batmite embodies this goofiness, with his unabashed idolizing of The Batman and his ability to fuck most things up in the most ridiculous way. He doesn’t mean to be a fuck-up, he just wants to push Batman to greater heights is all. What good is an idol if he just sits around brooding all day over the death of his parents? None good. Who wants to look up to a boorish, brooding, Murray-Mope-Around? Not Batmite…and not me! Batmite is good for The Batman, I tell you…and I’m not alone in this. Just look at The New Adventures of Batman and Superman and Batman: World’s Funnest..shit, even Frank Miller and Grant Morrison have used our little imp! Don’t believe me? Google that shit, yo!

Say it loud and say it proud, “We Want Batmite!

Says It All!

I now present to you some links (and a totally insensitive and tasteless inside joke between myself and Bwana):

Make your mark!

Let’s make a movie!

Be safe!

Okay, last one…

Real Men Use Veidt