When you can take the pebble from my hand, it will be time for you to leave.

AAAAAAAWWWWWWW SHIT! It’s David Carradine, y’all, and he’s teaching this Grasshopper some Chi Kung and Tai Chi energy workouts!

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “Canacorn, you hate exercise! Why did you go and waste a bunch of money on a Tai Chi workout dvd?

First off, you can call me Grasshopper, it’s what Master David would want. And second, I didn’t buy the dvd. I rented it from Netflix. You see, The Wife is a genius and she told me that renting exercise videos from Netflix is a great way to try them out and see if they’re worth your time and money. Smart huh? I think she read that in a magazine or something….she’s read a whole magazine cover to cover before!

I told you she was a genius.

Now you must be wondering, “Why Tai Chi, Cana- uh, Grasshopper?

Good question. My buddy Swede just recently started a beginners Tai Chi workout regiment and purchased the complete Kung Fu television series, so needless to say, Tai Chi and Master David have been on my mind lately. If you know me, then you know I’m incredibly high strung and stressy…and I’m plagued with all sorts of back problems. So it just makes sense to get my chi back into whack and strengthen my back and leg cores all at the same time. And who can I trust on my journey to a fitter body and mind? David fucking Carradine, thats who! Just look at him. The hair…the rings…the electric yellow silk pajamas…he is a living God! And have you heard his voice? It’s soothing and commanding…When Master David tells me, “Don’t forget to breathe,” I listen and remember. But Master David isn’t alone. He’s brought friends.

There’s Kinda’ Attractive Girl, Black Guy, Master Arnold, and Old Lady. They really help me stay focused and keep a positive attitude about the whole thing. You know when you’re learning something new and you get all confused and frustrated and want to quit, but then you’re like, “Wait a minute, if that old lady and kinda’ attractive girl and that dude who looks like Eriq La Salle can do it, so can I!

So far I’ve only done the first few exercises, so I’m not totally rocking the smooth “energy skills” to harmonize my insides and focus my mentals…but I’m really excited about finally finding inner peace, harmony, strength and health…or whatever.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention the music! It’s all whooshy and flutey….I hate to admit it, but I like it. It’s not like I’m gonna’ be rockin’ some Dokken while trying to get my chi correct, know what I mean?

I know this all sounds a little fruity, but don’t worry, you don’t feel like an asshole getting your Tai Chi on….not when you’re looking at this:


“Grasshopper, when I’m done with you, you too will have the strength to face Quetzalcoatl!”

4 Responses to “When you can take the pebble from my hand, it will be time for you to leave.”

  1. bwanavoodoo Says:

    My karate teacher hit me when I asked about tai chi. Told me it was for chinese girls. He also said Bruce lee was a chinese girl. He was Okinawan. He used to hit us a lot, most of the time it was for speaking english.

  2. mrcanacorn Says:

    Are you saying your karate teacher would call Master David a girl?

  3. Good Time Gone Bad « Awesomeness For Awesome’s Sake. Says:

    […] I heard that Master David was found dead in a hotel in Bangkok, I resisted the urge to post a quickie memorial here at […]

  4. sweet pussy juice Says:

    Pretty section of content. I simply stumbled upon your web site
    and in accession capital to claiom that I get in fact loved account your
    blo posts. Any way I will be subscribing for your augment
    and even I fulfillment you get admission to consistently quickly.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: