Fetish Fridays!

Okay, Fetish Fans, this one is going to hurt me more than it hurts you.

I’m really open to all sorts of fetishes…not that I practice a whole bunch of them, but I usually don’t get all judgmental and creeped out if consenting adults want to sit on cakes and fart up a chocolaty explosion of deliciousness or whatever the fuck they’re into this week.

But when it comes to legal fetishes I really don’t understand no matter how open-minded I claim to be, there’s only one that makes my skin crawl and my eyes sweat.

Are you ready? Truthfully, I’m not sure that I am…but here goes:

INFANTILISM

GROAN………Seriously? I started to do all sorts of research for this one…but kind of lost my nerve when I found this:


I hate you, PLASTIC MOMMY, I really do.

That’s about when I got all, “Fuck this noise,” and decided to just throw in a link to POPULATION PASTE‘s 2006 post on Adult Babies. It’s NSFW (like most links in this here post) but Rob pretty much covers it..and supplies the brave of heart with some links so you can further your studies on this amazingly freaky fetish…shudder.

Soooo, I know you still have one question you want to ask.

Hey Canacorn, what about the Furries? Can they be adult babies too?”

Good question. The answer is………

BABYFUR. That’s right. Babyfur.

Here’s a snippet from good ol’ Wikifur:

When cubbing out in both the real world and in online roleplaying, the level of connection to the role will vary between each player. Some babyfurs will become so involved and yearn for such an authentic childish mentality that they will use speech impediments and baby talk to communicate. Very few babyfurs make a habit out of using babytalk in the real world, similar to a gay lisp. Depending on the situation, a babyfur could even develop a habit of whining or crying to get what he/she wants from a caregiver or another roleplayer.

In light online role-playing, babyfurs may toddle, crawl and wag their tails playfully while the sounds of crinkling diapers abound. Pouncing, giggling, cuddling, snuggling and tummy rubbing ensue with the maximum possible level of cuteness.

Child-like behaviour, baby animal sounds and an emphasis on cuteness are widespread among furry fans when among themselves, even those who don’t call themselves babyfurs and who don’t participate in other babyfur activities described here, such as diapers or baby clothing.

While most babyfurs are closely attached to the development of young humans, a different approach can be found in online role-play, where newborn zoomorphic and anthropomorphic characters often grow up at a similar pace as wild animals, doing without accessories such as diapers and learning to walk in a short time. This has the practical advantage of sooner getting into an age that allows interesting role-play even for non-babyfurs when playing a character since birth. As in nature, opinions on when a character can be considered adult vary greatly.

Fuck me. What’s wrong with people?

That’s it….I have had enough of Fetish Friday for today. We’ll find something a little less creepy next week…maybe something innocuous like Erotophonophilia.

Tagged…By My Own Wife

Over at his new (and not just horror themed) zombie vs shark tumblog, Justin made something that I just had to show The Wife!

Well, she loved it so much that she decided to make a meme out of it…and she tagged me.

So this is what’s what:

Type your answer to the questions into flickr search
-Using only the first page, pick an image
-Copy and paste each of the urls in the Mosaic Maker

1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3.What high school did you go to?
4.What is your favorite color?
5.Who is your celebrity crush?
6.What is your favorite drink?
7.What is your dream vacation?
8.What is your favorite dessert?
9.What do you want to do when you grow up?
10.Who/ what do you love most in life?
11.Choose one word that describes you?
12.What is your Flickr name?

See a larger size HERE!

1. Coreys Pumpkin, 2. I Love Macaroni & Cheese, 3. Hotel John Marshall, 4. A Splash Of Lime,
5. Tori Spelling, 6. I Feel Like Hank Williams Tonight, 7. japan,
8. mmmummm..mummm…mmmmummmmumumum, 9. Dental Hygiene, 10. porch and luckykitty 006, 11. Fort Awesome, Harvard Yard, 12. Hot can of Corn Potage

So, in all fairness I’m gonna’ tag a few friends and see if they want to play along.

The Swede over at What’s Up Dude is waaaay too busy watching teevee and dreaming of Monte Cristo sandwiches to be bothered to blog…but who knows?

The super awesome and talented MB (sorry boys, she’s married) at JunkDrawer has been AFK for quite a while…but you never know when she might pop back into our lives, so it’s worth a shot.

Soylent Steve was too stupid to figure out WordPress but he still blogs on Myspace (fucking Troglodyte)…I’d link to his blog, but he’s kind of a private guy. Anyway, Steve, you’re invited to play along if you’re up to it.

I’d love to see what kind of demented fun Bwana at The Naked Jungle could whip up as well…but he doesn’t always play well with others, so I won’t hold my breath.

And last but not least, I extend the invite to two of my most favoritest people of the internet: Aunt Jon and Uncle Lancifer from Kindertrauma! But you two can get a pass…I’m not sure if this would really fit into the Kindertrauma landscape…but I thought I’d ask anyway.

Hmmmmmmmmm, it seems like I just asked a group of people who might all be too busy or just not interested to play along in this little experiment….

Oh well, if y’all decide that you want to play, just leave me a comment on this post so I can check out your Flickr Mosaics.

*Oh, one more thing: If you don’t have a Flickr account, you can sign up…for free!

Later, Boners!

Two For Tuesdays!

We’re gonna keep the testosterone pumping today, kids!

Can I get a, “FUCK YEAH?!

I said, “Can I get a FUUUUUCCCCKKKK YYYEEEEAAAHHHH?!”

Alright…alright! I got one thing to say to a special someone who’s out in motherfuckin’ Washington DC tonight! I think we all know her and know how she feels about Heavy Fucking Metal muuuusssicc!

How she feeeeeels about OUR FUCKING MUSIC

That’s right…that’s right….I got one fucking thing to say to a little miss Tipper Goooooooooooorrrrrrrrreeeeeeee!

Hey Tipper, better lock up Karenna and Kristin ’cause this first song is dedicated to them!

Alright…alright! Okay, you crazy motherfuckers…one more song and then we’re out of here! Do you have a thing for womeeeeeeeeeeeen? Well if you do, then you’re like me…more than a manmore than an animal

You’re a FUCKING MANIMAL!

You crazy fuckers are the best here at AWESOMENESS! We’re W.A.S.P. and we love you…keep…on…ROCKIN’!!

GOODNIGHT!

*We here at Awesomeness do NOT encourage our readers to live the Rock and Roll lifestyle…it’s bad for you…seriously, just ask Chris:

Man-Up Mondays!

Alright…things have been fruiter than Fruit Stripe Gum over here at Awesomeness for far too long! It’s time I Man-Up myself and put on my heroic-hetero hat, slam a few morning beers, and get back to some he-man type stuff!

So, let’s MAN-UP already! I’m going with a super macho dude this Monday…a real man that can live up to the respect I humbly throw at them with my link-heavy blog posts!

And there’s not many men who are even half the man Andy Sidaris was!

AP photo by SUSAN STERNER

AP photo by SUSAN STERNER

Even though Andy was a sports teevee pioneer, I won’t hold it against him. I mean, he did give the world his Triple B Series of films! What? you’re not familiar with the Three Bs?!

Hold on right there…I’m talking BULLETS, BOMBS, AND BABES, people!

I think anyone who has watched even one of Malibu Bay‘s movies would agree with me when I say, “You will NOT be disappointed with one frame of any of his totally fucking awesome movies!

You have inspired dialogue:

Beautiful locations:

And stunning costumes:

See? What did I tell you?

Be sure to stop by ANDY SIDARIS DOTCOM for more neat stuff!

For some great info on one of Man-Up’s manliest, check out G. Noel Gross’ tribute over at CineSchlock-O-Rama! You wont be disappointed…there’s an interview with Andy and his wife, Arlene, and some awesome Synopsis, Notables, Quoteables, and Timecodes for 8 different movies!

Like this one for ENEMY GOLD! (Which was directed by Andy’s son, Drew…but the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, if you know what I mean…so it still counts!)

Writer/director Drew Sidaris continues the family formula under Andy’s watchful eye. The flick opens in 1865, with a daring Confederate capture of Union gold. Hence “Enemy Gold.” Meanwhile, in contemporary Dallas, Becky Midnite (Suzi Simpson) joins fellow agent and sometime bunk buddy Chris Cannon (Bruce Penhall) on a less than by-the-book coke bust. An exploding crossbow melee later, they’re put on disciplinary leave, and join Mark Barriere on a camping trip in search of that legendary stash of yankee loot. Rodrigo Obregon slithers into the picture as a vengeful Bolivian drug lord so perturbed by the meddling federal do-gooders that he enlists a towering assassin code named “Jewel Panther” (Julie Strain) to erectify, er, rectify matters. Drew’s actually got himself a shockingly comprehensible plot here, punctuated by drool-worthy gratuity by Suzi and her Washington spymaster Tai Collins. Tragically, neither of the ladies returned to the franchise. But snuggled among the copious bonus material is an interview in which buxom Ms. Simpson tells how she landed the role and beams about the joys of strippin’ nekkid in DECEMBER for a (glorious) outdoor shower scene.

Notables: 10 breasts. 34 corpses. Cocaine-stuffed watermelon. Exploding chopper. Hand licking. Catfighting. Diddling. Gratuitous Civil War reenactment.

Quotables: Santiago’s goons clearly have too much time on their hands, “You better be nice to me our I’ll tell Uncle Jessie what you did to that chicken last night!” Ms. Strain emotes, “I’m suffering from a bad case of PMS! I wouldn’t try my patience if I were you!”

Time codes: Ms. Simpson slips into something more deadly (11:05). “Let’s hit the Jacuzzi!” (21:20). Panther slings a sword around while performing a fireside interpretative dance in black leather S&M ware (1:04:52). Suzie and Julie mix it up (1:21:25).
-G. NOEL GROSS

Goony Goo Goo!

Come on Webelos! Let’s go hiking with Den Leader, Bwana, and look for some Bigfeets!

Click the link to: GORILLANAUT, of course!

And remember, “A Scout is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent.

Fetish Fridays!

I know I promised my beautiful and talented friend, Yaz, that I’d be covering Abasiophilia (look it up) this Friday…but I changed my mind. Which is the second shitty thing I’ve done to the most awesome Yaz…the first was insulting her shoes…at a party…in front of others.

I’m sorry…but I’m kind of gay…and that makes me kind of catty sometimes. Hopefully I smoothed things out by totally dishing about Proj Run with her in front of her totally sporty husband who can’t be bothered to share in the gayer things in life with his wife…but that’s cool, not all women want a half-a-fag as a hubby.

Luckily, my wife does.

And luckily, she puts up with shit like this:

It’s amazing what you can find in your garage sometimes.

Here’s my copy of AMPUTEE TIMES magazine (volume one, number two $8.00 ADULTS ONLY)…pretty cool, huh? And I guess by “cool” I mean “creepy.” So I bet you’re wondering why I own “a magazine for and about amp lovers!

Weeeeell, first off, it was a gift…(Thanks again, Mrs. Bwana) and secondly, I really have a fascination with all sorts of strange stuff…especially when it comes to the sexual fetishes of others.

Canacorn Fun Fact: I tend to go through phases (I like to call them mini-obsessions) where I get really hung up on something and I can’t stop thinking or talking about it until something else comes along….like Gallagher and his brother, Gallagher Too…but that’s another story.

Let’s get back to fetishes, shall we?

Sooooo, for a while there I was really into Acrotomophilia…not that I wanted to have an amputee as a sex partner (but I guess I’m not against the idea except for the fact that I’m married) and I certainly wasn’t into Apotemnophilia (I’m no poser)…but it was pretty interesting to me that there was a whole community of amputee lovers.

Interesting…not surprising. I mean, there’s something for everyone, right? Check this out from my buddy Wiki:

In a survey of acrotomophiles, leg amputations were preferred over arm amputations; amputations of a single limb, over double amputations; and amputations that left a stump, over amputations that left no stump. According to Solvang (2007), “Devotees adhere to standard conceptions of attractiveness in all other matters outside of amputations.” Digital images (usually from porn sites) are often produced or modified to represent a desirable amputation or amputee. This procedure may be known as Electronic Surgery (abbreviated “ES”) within the internet fetish communities.

But what did Devotees do before the internet? Well, there was print (see magazine above) and there was film (see vhs to right). Yes, I am also the proud owner of LONG JEANNE SILVER.

There’s stories about this one folks! I’ve heard that back in 70s, the raincoat crowd didn’t take too kindly to being “suckered” into a film that had young Ms. Silver inserting her stump up a young man’s backdoor. I guess they didn’t have a problem with the girl-stump on girl action, but once you have a woman fuck a guy with her flesh rocket, you’ve gone too far! Whateves…obviously, the porn aficionados of yesteryear didn’t have as refined of a palate as myself.

And yes, you can borrow it.

So there you go….another fascinating look into another odd fetish. Next week I just might make good on my promise to Yaz and talk about Abasiophilia (Jesus, look it up yourself! You’re sitting at a fucking computer! I can’t do everything for you.)

Donna Martin May Be A Virgin…

…But Sometimes She Dresses Like A Whore.

Okay 90210 Fashionista Fans, we’re back with some more Donna Martin Season 5 fashion!

If you happened to miss the first installment you can go HERE and Get Your Donna On!

Things are still moving a bit slowly on the second disc…The horrible influence of one Kelly Taylor is seriously fucking with my girl’s psyche in a major way!

I can’ tell you guys how much those goddamn baby doll dresses bother the shit out me…Right off the bat we’re subjected to this:

Donna, why are you still rocking this tired “fashion statement”? Maybe if you were more Kinderwhore…or even better, more Carroll Baker, I’d be into this look for you…but you’re just trying too hard to be like your (lame) best friend, Kelly.

Ugh! Not even the Doc Martin knockoffs are helping! Kelly, just leave Donna alone for 10 fucking minutes so she can dress herself for God’s sake!

Okaaaaaaaaay, maybe that was a bad idea. Here are those damn asymmetrical (not to mention ill-fitting) cut offs again. At least she got the top right this time. You’ll start to notice a whole lot more belly shirts in Donna’s evolving wardrobe. I know I promised some great looks for Donna….and there will be…remember, I told you it would be a gradual transformation not an overnight makeover. Rome wasn’t built in a day, you know.

This one’s pretty good. Now that Donna is palling around with “regular Joe”, (and soon to be “abusive Joe”) Ray Pruit (with one T…’cause that’s all his mom could afford…har har), she’s allowing herself a little white trash inspiration. It’s hard to tell from the picture, but Donna is wearing a white mesh shirt over her belly tank like some little angel that could appear on Danzig‘s shoulder when he feels tempted to have yet another piece of red velvet cake.

Now this outfit isn’t so great, but it’s important for two reasons. One, is that it’s not a baby doll dress…and two, the hair helmet is back but now it’s been adorned with children’s barrettes! Donna is really starting to find her groove…sure, she’s hasn’t figured out how to put all the pieces together yet…but she’s close. Oh, the shirt doesn’t say BARBIE, it says BABIE in the Barbie font…clever.

Like most (creepy) guys I really like this look for our virtuous little virgin. It’s young…it’s innocent…and she finally has some damn cut offs that fit!

I wish I could tell you that it’s not Halloween in the above picture and that she’s not wearing a costume…’cause then I could tell you that this is MY ALL TIME FAVORITE OUTFIT Donna Martin has ever worn…EVER! But it is Halloween and it is a costume.

And so is this one:

Sure, you can’t really see the whole “Sexy Cat” outfit from this picture, but you can see that Donna just bitchslapped the shit out of über-douche-kind-of-boyfriend, Griffin Stone (why yes, that is Casper Van Dien)! And she did it right outside of the KEG House after Griffin insulted Ray and pretty much called Donna a cock tease…So, cracking Griff across the jaw seemed like a good idea at the time especially since Ray hasn’t thrown Donna down the fucking stairs…yet.

So that was disc 2…I hope I’m not alienating too many of my faithful readers with my Donna Martin obsession. I guess if I am, you’re not all that faithful of a reader in the first place and you’re just checking out Awesomeness for that promised extreme old man homo fisting post.

Jeez, keep your pants on…it’s coming…patience is a virtue.

Stay classy!