On A Scale Of One To Five…

Last month I decided that the infamous Spaghetti Cat was going to be adopted as the Awesomeness mascot…but I hadn’t really thought of a way to bring the lil’ somebitch into some sort of regular rotation around here.

Until yesterday.

I was watching FOOD OF THE GODS (the next Final Girl Film Club pick of the month…it’s due tomorrow, you know) and it hit me. A Spaghetti Cat ratings system! I talk about enough movies, records, and all other sorts of things that deserve to be rated on a 1 to 5 awesomeness scale…and Spaghetti Cat is they guy for the job!

This is how it works: Ratings are on a scale of 1 to 5, with 1 SC being the worst and 5 SC being the best. Here’s the breakdown with some examples (just so you know where I’m coming from).

GNAR GNARS

Things that receive a 1 SC rating are totally lame…like:

STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE (the toy line), SARAH PALIN, ST. ANGER, BATMAN BEGINS

MEH

Things that receive a 2 SC rating are really not worth bothering about…like:

GLO WORM, PARIS HILTON, LOAD and ReLOAD, TWIN PEAKS SEASON 2

ALMOST AWESOME

Things that receive a 3 SC rating are pretty cool in my book…like:

PLAYSKOOL’S WEEBLES HAUNTED HOUSE, PAM ANDERSON, THE BLACK ALBUM, ARMY OF DARKNESS

AWESOME

Things that receive a 4 SC rating are obviously awesome…like:

MICRONAUTS, DOLLY PARTON, RIDE THE LIGHTNING, THE BEASTMASTER

THE AWESOMEST

Things that receive a 5 SC rating are just about the coolest things in the fucking world…period…like:

HUGO-MAN OF A THOUSAND FACES, TORI SPELLING, MASTER OF PUPPETS, BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA, THE WIFE, GOODFELLAS, THE FIRST DANZIG LP, ILSA SHE WOLF OF THE SS, KINDERTRAUMA, BEVERLY HILLS 90210, JACK KIRBY’S FOURTH WORLD, SHOWGIRLS, BLACK COFFEE, GORILLAS, SHRIMP COCKTAILS, 1976 KING KONG, CHARLTON HESTON, RAMROD, THE WU-TANG CLAN…..seriously, this list could go on forever.

There you have it. Agree or disagree, Spaghetti Cat and I could really care…start your own ratings system if you have have a problem with ours…but come on, you know BATMAN BEGINS really wasn’t very good…be honest.