“How sad it is! I shall grow old, and horrid, and dreadful. But this picture will remain always young.”

Momma's Boy

Momma's Boy

Well, who do we have here?

Why it’s, Mr. Ozzy Osbourne Canacorn! The number one cat of the house and The Wife‘s best friend ’till the end!

As y’all may or may not know, we actually have four cats that live with us…I know, crazy…but Ozzy (or Ozymandias, as I sometimes call him…which will become important to today’s post in a minute or two) is definitely the King of the house.

And every King deserves to be immortalized right? Well, I think so…and since I don’t know any sculptors that could whip up a mighty statue of our favorite feline, I decided to do the next best thing. Commission a portrait! But who could do justice to this proud and arrogant beast? What mere mortal hand could possibly capture the Greatness that Ozzy inspires?

As fate would have it, I found such an artist…on MySpace!? You see, I was on the page of one of comic book’s greatest artists and writers, Rick Veitch, when a young lady’s name in his top friends caught my eye.

Leah Moore. Her name may not mean much to you if you’re not familiar with comic books…but some nerds (myself included) would say that she hails from a Royal Bloodline. But more importantly, she does pet portraits! (Just a quick side note here: She’s also an accomplished writer as well.)

Through Leah’s MySpace page I found her Etsy store…success! Not only were there examples of her work…but they were quite good. None of the animals featured were as regal and stately as Ozzy, but I could tell that Leah was definitely the artist for this particular undertaking. I quickly contacted the lovely lady to see if she was up to the task of capturing the timeless beauty of The Oz-man.

After a few pleasant emails to hammer out the details, Leah was set to go! It wasn’t long when she informed me that she was done….and here is the final product:

Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!

My name is Ozymandias, king of kings: Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!

Needless to say, The Wife and I are more than pleased. I’d like to thank Leah a hundred times over and I can highly recommend her if you have a special pet you need immortalized…

Now hop on over to The Wife’s blog if you want to see some more pics of Leah working on the portrait!

Fetish Fridays! You Bet It’s NSFW

pictureasp Wow, Friday sure snuck up on me this week!

Before we make with today’s fetish I have something to share with y’all. I’m a smoker.

I know, I know, it’s really bad for me and just about the worse thing ever in the history of no good, horrible, very bad things. Before you go badgering me with all sorts of statistics and disgusting pics of smoker’s lungs, just hear this:

I am quitting.

It’s not easy, but I’m working on it.

Now, even though I super-duper love smoking, I’ve never been into the whole smoking fetish thing…but you know how people are…and you know how people are on the internet. You see, for every person that thinks smoking is a gross and dirty habit, there’s another that sees smoking as a hot and naughty turn-on.

The internet told me that, a woman with a cigarette in her mouth may suggest that she wants a cock in her mouth.

The internet told me that, a woman with a cigarette in her mouth may suggest that she wants a cock in her mouth.

While doing my “research” on today’s fetish I learned that there’s a shit-ton of websites devoted to clothed, half naked, and/or full on naked women huffing and puffing on cigarettes, cigars, and even sexy pipes!

Hell, even the trannies are getting in on the hot, smoky action…God, the internet is so full of trannies these days…anyway…

It seems that the admirers of these smokin’ babes tend to be heterosexual males (what else is new), but I have it on good authority that even women and the gays can be turned on by smokers.

One of the most popular themes out there seems to be the smoking blow job! There’s a million clips out there…just click the pretty pinks words and watch one for yourself. If it doesn’t get you all hot in the pants area, just Google that shit yourself, I’m sure you’ll find what you need…but know this, the girl in my clip is wearing a beret!

If it was good enough for James Dean...

If it was good enough for James Dean...

Another common theme with smoking fetishists is the whole D/s thing. If it’s your dream to be a human ashtray then there’s a Mistress for you out there on the internet!

Boy, I bet if you already thought smoking was totally gnar gnars, you really must be thinking this whole thing is grody to the max by now.

Well, it can be I guess…but hey, we’re not here to judge on Fridays, right?

Right.

So, as per usual, one last image to burn this particular fetish into your brain:

Umm, you're doing it wrong.

Umm, you're doing it wrong.

Yikes! Where in the Hell is my Nicorette gum?!

Get Well Soon

2708049043_1eec8d21bf Oh man, I was just over on Roarin’ Rick‘s page and saw that comix legend, S. Clay Wilson, was involved in some sort of dust up that has left him hospitalized and in serious condition.

I’ve loved his depraved drawings since I was in my late teens. Sure, Crumb gets most of the accolades for the underground comix scene, but S. Clay Wilson really captured my imagination and influenced my drawing style with his crazy bikers, pirates, degenerates, and dope fiends.

There’s a pretty cool interview at The Comics Journal with the man behind The Checkered Demon and Captain Pissgums if you want to learn a little bit about what makes a feller draw so many blow jobs and beheadings.

Get well soon, Mr. Wilson! I’m pulling for ya’!

Benihana Mama

99.44 % Pure

99.44 % Pure

Holee fuck! I didn’t even know this existed…it’s a disco song by the beautiful and talented Marilyn Chambers!

I found this clip over at a new to me blog, The Funhouse! Check ’em out…if you’re a 70s baby like myself, there’s tons of cool stuff to help you get through your boring day!

Anyway, back to Ms. Chambers and her disco single….that’s right, porn and disco!

Two great tastes that go great together! Anyone who visits Awesomeness on a semi regular basis knows this Canacorn is 1) a fan of the adult movie industry and 2) kind of gay…so what a perfect combination for lil’ ol’ me!

Marilyn has such a special place in my heart…know why? Well, here’s another Canacorn fun fact for y’all: Behind The Green Door was the very first porn film I ever saw! Cool, right? You know, I’ve always been a film aficionado and a fan of Art…even at a young age. Thanks, Mitchell Brothers, for making me into the man I am today!

I’m so sophisticated, I can barely stand myself!

Alright, enough jibba jabba, let’s get it on!

Now that was a great way to start my day.

I’m Really Just A Big Softie…

Wanna’ hear a Canacorn fun fact? This is one of my favorite songs.

I know, right?

Hey, did you know Don was in a group called the Pozo Seco Singers before he became the Gentle Giant Of Country Music? They’re pretty cool, check it:

Nice, huh? Now you know what I’m listening to while researching Fetish Fridays….does that make me more or less of a creep?

Leisure Siths

“…pop culture awesomeness at it’s best”?

Would you look at that? Would you look at THAT? It's a major award.

Would you look at that? Would you look at THAT? It's a major award.

Oh my…well…uh…I really wasn’t expecting this.

I just have a few people I’d like to thank.

First off, I’d like to thank Dre and Cube. I really couldn’t be as awesome as everyone says I am if it wasn’t for everything y’all taught me over the years.

Um…The Wife of course…I know, I know…you’re my everything, honey. Thanks for putting up with all the porn, 80s metal, and whatever other weird ass shit I find on the internet. I love you, you’re the best.

Oh, okay, I’m getting the “wrap it up“…um, thanks Becca at No Smoking In The Skull Cave, for bestowing this upon me…uh, I’m not worthy, I’m not worthy…heh…Wayne’s World….um, it really is an honor. I wish I really deserved it as much as you think I do. I’ll try harder…I promise!

Oh…and…uh…I’m just so proud to be part of such an amazing group of bloggers. I wouldn’t even know where to start if I had to give out such an award, but…uh…my admiration and respect goes out to my fellow recipients of this fine blue ribbon…uh…The Undead Film Critic…you’re awesome, man…completely DEAD-icated to the craft…keep it up! Uh…oh…those wild motherfuckers over at Deadlicious..um…great site guys, I can see why you wear masks…I’ve seen better heads on boils…heh, um…no seriously…heh. The Scandy Factory…truly a man with great taste in film and all of the arts…and by arts, I mean boobs. Um…okay, okay, I gotta’ wrap it up…check out Adventures In Nerdliness…and my other blog…um…The Bride Of Awesomeness for some hot internet action…um, okay…Thanks again!

Fetish Fridays! NSFW As Usual

Dr. ASFRian hard at work.

Dr. ASFRian hard at work.

OMFG, look who decided to come on back this Friday!

I thought after last week I’d never see your shining face again. Well, I’m glad you’re here…and today, I’m gonna’ go easy on you.

There will NOT be any overly-engorged genitalia on Awesomeness this Friday…I promise.

Nope, today is all about ASFR, or Technosexuality if your all nerdly, or we can just call it Robot Fetishism, if that makes you feel less intimidated.

Now, I know you’re all, “Wha’? Look Canacorn, I’m not down with that freak-a-deak Fucking Machines website, so don’t even start with videos of the Vulvulator, Autozipper, or the dreaded Fucksall this morning!

Alright, alright, Gawd!

That’s not what this fetish is about anyway! What we have here is “…a fetishistic attraction to humanoid or non-humanoid robots; also to people acting like robots or people dressed in robot costumes. A less common fantasy involves transformation into a robot.

This robot prefers a chair over Paul's Bench.

This robot prefers a chair over Paul's Bench.

You see, some people like to get all Shields and Yarnell when they do the nasty!

These technosexuals get all hot under the pocket protector when thinking about having sex with a robot…and just like us regular folks, none of them want to fuck a Penny, they want a Hope or a Heather…or in their case, a Pris or a Number Six.

Sorry, Aqua Com 89045….get lost, Vera Webster, most ASFRians would rather set their phasers to erect and plug into a Borg than play with your mechanical manholes.

Like all other fetishes, this dorky fetish has some common themes to help set the mood for hot robo-sex-play! Here’s some examples from WinterRose:

START-UP & SHUT-DOWN: In this regard, the Technosexual will percieve the imagined person to be activated or deactivated in all sorts of ways.

MENTAL STATE: There’s an inherent submissive or dominant quality to the robotic.

MOTION AND IMMOBILITY: In some fantasy, robots are not as mobile or as articulate as we human beings are. They move like… Well, like a bunch of clunky robots! Movements can seem stilted. Measured. They can happen with great precision and machine-like grace… or clumsiness.

MALFUNCTION: Let’s face it folks. Robots can seem perfect. But when they go wrong, it becomes VERY obvious what they really are. A twitching, half melted, stuttering, limb-detached, smoking, or erratically behaving robot calls attention to the fact that they ARE a robot.

APPEARANCE: The old saying goes, if it walks like a duck, squawks like a duck, and looks like a duck, it’s likely a duck. The same goes with robots for Technosexuals. The overt appearance of being robotic can take many forms, but will never fail to get some positive reaction out of your circuit-imprinted (As opposed to dyed-in-the-wool) Techno.

Hurm, that’s cool I guess. So, when the Technos aren’t busy jerking it to old robot pin-ups or making believe they’re robots, what else do they do with their spare time? Why, they write erotic robot fiction, duh! Like this excerpt from The Robo-Lover by Nova:

Do I mak3 y0u h-h-h-h0rneeee?

Do I mak3 y0u h-h-h-h0rneeee?

The two moved to his bedroom where they finished undressing each other. He sat on the bed while she stood next to it. Jason caressed her silky skin and rubbed her breasts as he licked her belly. He raised an eyebrow in surprise when he noticed she had absolutely no navel. He smiled, it was yet another reminder that she was indeed not a human. Nova reached down and caressed his head and kissed him. He reached down and ran his fingers along her sex. It was warm, wet and inviting. He reached out for her and turned her around and layed her on the bed on her back. He began to rub and touch her while she caressed his member. He licked and nuzzled at her hairless sex, and was ecstatic when he discovered that it too had a nice cherry flavor and scent to it. Occasionaly he would glance at her exposed mechanics and be spurred to greater ecstasy as he was fulfilling a deep seated fetish in himself.

Oh man, I don’t know about you, but my circuitry is about to overheat! I think I’ll leave you with one last image and a link to a cool NSFW video about ASFR.

Number 5 is alive...and all up in your vagina!

Number 5 is alive...and all up in your vagina!

Now go watch THIS!

KABOOOOOONG!

I know it’s been a while…I’ll be back, I swear. Until then, watch this cartoon*.

*Thanks to Tenebrous Kate for her constant referencing of El Kabong…I was truly inspired.

Time Out!

AAAWWWWWW

AAAWWWWWW

Even I needed a break from yesterday’s post.

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