Why, hello again, my fellow pederasts, perverts, pantysniffers and pimps*! Before we get to this Friday’s extra special fetish (actually, it’s kind of a three-fer), I’d like to take a couple of seconds to talk about knitting.
Well, not really about dropped stitches, tufting, casting off, and short rows, per se…more about a group of knitters that visited last Friday’s post in the double digits. Who knew there was a bunch of lazy, stupid, and godless knitters out there that had more than a passing interest in Human Cows and titty hard ons?!
Not me, that’s for sure. I kind of thought of the knitting community as a bunch of straight laced goody-goodies…then I remembered it’s not nice to stereotype and then I remembered the handful of super hip, cool, and downright sexy knitters I’ve met over the years. I guess knitters are just like you and me…perverts.
I’m not going to link to these freaky-deaks since they might not want to be directly associated with the filthy goings on at Awesomeness, but I would like to give them a hearty, “Hello and welcome” if they have decided to come back today!
Remember…this post and all the links are NSFW!
Alrighty then…let’s get with the dirty words and pics!
I was thinking about this certain fetish all week and I couldn’t find a clinical name for it anywhere on the internet. In my research, I did find out about jelquing though. Sweet Jesus!
Jelquing’s neat and all, but not what I wanted to talk to you about today. What I did want to discuss was the really bizarre act of genital pumping. Men do it…women do it…Hell, even the trannies do it!I’m sure you’ve all seen the penis pump and are familiar with how men use it to achieve monstrous, meaty mansicles…so we’ll skip the guy’s junk…for now.
Let’s dish about the ladies. As you may have noticed on your left there’s this device called the pussy pump…it helps you achieve the plumped up, pulsating, protuberance of pussy you’ve always desired!
I know what you’re thinking, “What’s it look like once it’s all engorged?”
Okay you looky-loos, feel free to check out this video to get a face full of one of the most vagtastic things I ever did saw!
Lookin’ good, Blondie!
So, yeah…you don’t always have to pump the entire outer and inner labia..oh no, my friends! You can focus on just the clitoris. It’s true! And it’s also maybe a bit too much for you to handle…but if you’re feeling brave you can watch a video or just believe me when I tell you that a pumped up clitoris makes a woman’s vagina look just like a basset hound’s face.
Seriously…I’m not kidding. Google basset hound…you’ll get the picture.
And if you think that’s weird, you should see what the clitoris looks like in the tube!
Okay…you thought that was creepy…uh…I mean, sexy. Then how about we get on back to the men?! Oh boys…..show the people what you got!So, other than penis pumping, what can men do to increase the size of their junk to unholy proportions? How about ball pumping?!
Naw…that’s too tame…How about scrotal saline injections?!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! THAT’S JUST NOT RIGHT! NO! NO! NO! Hey, Ballzilla, it takes days for your body to reabsorb all that fucking saline! What are you going to do with those ginormous balls for two to three days?! Sit around your apartment watching Golden Girls reruns and texting your friends high-larious Blanche Devereaux quotes?!
Good Lord, I don’t ever want to think about that again….I think I just freaked myself out a little bit….Damn, those were some big balls.
Well, I’d like to leave you with a final picture today…just to hammer home how my blog will someday get me fired from my job…but after scrolling halfway through this page I just can’t take anymore of these people and their gigantic genitals.
Thanks to Tigerpumping.com for all the inspiring pictures, stories, and how to’s that made today’s Fetish Friday the overwhelming success it deserved to be!
Okay…one last picture:
*Today’s greeting was borrowed from The Demon Dog of American crime fiction.