Fetish Fridays! Let’s Get Small Edition (NSFW)

When you're crotch-height, it's hard to make a good impression. -Anthony Daniels

When you're crotch-height, it's hard to make a good impression. -Anthony Daniels

I remember a time before The Roloffs were on the tee-vee when little people were called midgets or dwarfs and instead of doing boring everyday type stuff like shopping or playing soccer they did cool midget stuff like wrestling and being Jawas and Ewoks.

But that’s neither here nor there…’cause it’s Friday and we all know what you expect from Awesomeness on Fridays…An educated and unbiased exploration into the powerful and persistent sexual interest other than in copulatory or precopulatory behavior with phenotypically normal, consenting adult human partners.

Heh, who the fuck am I kidding? I know you came for one thing and one thing only…PORN!

And if you were picking up what I was dropping down, then you’ve already figured out that we’re talking midget porn today!

Now, now, don’t be scared…they’re just like you and me, you know…just little-er. Hell, even Sarah Silverman got in on this whole midget fucking thing when she split with Jimmy Kimmel and then ended up banging Vern Troyer on video last year. So relax…if it’s good enough for Sarah to make a sex tape with Mini-Me, it’s gotta be good enough for you.

Alrighty then, let’s get this party started! First up, how about the not so subtlety named site, Midget Porn! Have I ever told you guys how much I appreciate the simple and sincere naming of these porn sites? Anyway, here’s what they promise:

“Welcome to the Midget Porn, the biggest sex place where the shortest peoples are expressing their sexual appetence. This site is dedicated to people who like to watch little man and woman pleasuring them self’s in big hardcore and softcore explicit action. Those people know only for the best satisfaction because of the fact that their thirst is much stronger then in the ordinary man….Hear their loudly screaming’s while midget asses and pussies are being raw fucked and watch male midget moaning when it’s dick start penetrating some slutty shaved pink pussy lips!”

Goddamn, I really want to meet the people that write this stuff!

Little man, big hardcore

Little man, big hardcore

Wow…but do they deliver?

Sure they do….by delivering a bunch of links to Midget Cum (It’s the site Where Girls Swallow Midget Cum apparently)…and Bang A Midget (Where Horny midget babes love to suck big cock obviously)…

Which is cool I guess…but something is missing. I just can’t put my normal sized finger on it…

I mean, there’s Bridget The Midget clips and then there’s this chick with “I HEART MIDGETS” written on her forehead eating jizz with a spoon…

Dear God, did I just type that and put a link in there for a video? What’s wrong with me?

Don’t you judge me! You clicked on it too! I didn’t force you into that…damn…go easy on Mr. Canacorn, kids. I’m just here to help.

Where was I? Oh, something was missing…but what was it? There were regular sized women having sex with little dudes and there were tiny ladies having sex with normal sized guys…shit, there was even that racist midget getting fucked by that black dude!

What more do I expect from a midget porn site?

Oh, I don’t know….

How about……

The world’s smallest and wildest T-Girl!

I love you, internet.

I love you, internet.

Is that too much to ask? I think not. God bless you, Ruby Rod.

My work is done for today…see you next week.

11 Responses to “Fetish Fridays! Let’s Get Small Edition (NSFW)”

  1. aunt john Says:

    Mr. C.: Have you ever seen the classic ITTY BITTY GANG BANG? Not to be confused with ITTY BITTY TITTY GANG BANG, which all a precursory Google search would bring back when I was looking for an appropriate link.

  2. MC Says:

    I wonder if there is Furry midget porn?

  3. mrcanacorn Says:

    @ Auntie: Was it Itsy Bitsy Bang Bang (click to see the cover)? If so, no, but I rented the shit out of that one and Somewhere Under The Rainbow to the college kids when I worked at a porn store with Bwana…seriously. That’s not a joke. We worked at a porn store…that’s how we met. Are things starting to make sense now?

  4. mrcanacorn Says:

    @ MC: I’ve been looking for 15 minutes now…but still no luck.

    God, what have I become…15 minutes looking for midget furries on the internet…

  5. MC Says:

    So Midget amputee furries is out of the question then?

  6. aunt john Says:

    Mr. C.: Dude! Yep, that was the one and most of the wee ones were German or European and creepy. Super creepy, yet, dare I say, sexy? Sure, I was high as a kite when I saw it at a party, but I can get behind this fetish.

  7. bwanavoodoo Says:

    Nothing like working the graveyard shift at a porn store to make you wish an asteroid would take out the whole planet.

  8. mrcanacorn Says:

    @ MC: I want to believe.

    @ Auntie: They’re creepy alright…

    The Wife loves the little people as well. We tried to get midget strippers for our bachelor/bachelorette party but they were too expensive. Total bummer.

  9. mrcanacorn Says:

    @ Bwana: You loved it. My favorite part was taking handfuls of dirty change from homeless (?) guys so they could get their porn on.

  10. bwanavoodoo Says:

    What’s not to love? Working at a porn store help kick my drinking and meth problems into a new level. Thinking about dying because some crackhead shot me. Sadly, I still hadn’t reached the bottom even though I thought I had.

  11. mrcanacorn Says:

    Yeah…good times. All those overnight shifts really helped my ex wife enjoy all those nights out without some husband tagging along getting in the way.

    At least we met each other and Mrs. Bwana…and you didn’t get shot. Watched SCREAM lately?


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