If You’re Ever In Louisville….

…and you’re a beautiful, single woman…then you need to check out this guy!

Leslie George Kistner III

Leslie George Kistner III

His name is Leslie, but he goes by George, Vampire Lord, or God.

This 28 year old student and college math tutor is into weightlifting, giving massages, Giving Oral Sex to Attractive Females, reading, intelligence puzzles, nature, vampires, the Gothic Scene, video games, and religions that employ the use of magick.

Hold up…did you see what he slipped in there?

Giving Oral Sex to Attractive Females

That’s right, ladies! FREE ORAL SEX! From Lesl…uh, God the Vampire Lord!

He’s set up a website called Louisville Free Face to make this whole process of FREE ORAL SEX as easy as possible.

This Vampire Lord only goes down on women he finds attractive.

This Vampire Lord only goes down on women he finds attractive.

All this is sounding too good to be true, am I right, ladies?

Well, keep those panties on for just a minute! Before George goes downtown he’s got a few TERMS to make sure you qualify for some FREE ORAL SEX!

Obviously, you need to be of legal age to utilize this service…whew…for a second there I was worried that George might be some kind of creep or something.

You also have to be clean, single or in an open type of relationship, must be disease free, must be nude while receiving your oral, and most importantly…you must be attractive.

George is kind of picky so you should send him a picture (non nude is okay) so he can tell generally what your body and face look like.

There’s also an application process where you can give George some important info about yourself like, age, body type, race, and religion.

You can also choose from a handy drop down menu what type of woman you are. Maybe you’re goth, punk, redneck, or a ghetto girl? Hell, some of you ladies on the hunt for some FREE ORAL SEX may even be a freak looking for fun or just horny and and desperate for some oral.

Willing to explain other

Willing to explain other

You can also choose from a list other things to be used on you or done to you while you are receiving oral from George.

Your choices are: tongue and hands, finger placement, pop rocks, altoids, alka-seltzer, ice cubes, electricity, and other! Don’t worry about “other” George says he’ll explain it to you.

One last thing…George wants you to know that,

This is in no way meant as a joke. I am totally serious. I love the female form and believe that women should be treated as the goddesses that they are. If you would like to be worshiped and pleased in every way that I am able to please you, please sign up.

Come on ladies, what are you waiting for?!

He is totally serious!

He’s so serious he brought you a gif…an animated gif!

9 Responses to “If You’re Ever In Louisville….”

  1. Myrtle Says:

    Pop Rocks!!! This guy is obviously an amateur. It’s all about using one of those big huge candy cane sticks…..

    Talk about swirl action!

  2. Myrtle Says:

    Ok, so wouldn’t Rice Crispies do the same thing? Just get a funnel and the Costco box of Rice Krispies (no fucking store brands!) and turn on some Saturday Morning cartoons and you’re set….

  3. Pomeroy! Says:

    Say what you want… he’s a handsome devil.

  4. Soylent Steve Says:


    I am counting down the days until Rocktober. (160)

    Any chance of a Rockmay?

  5. mrcanacorn Says:

    Rockmay? I don’t think so, Steve…but how does New Wave November grab ya? If only I could think of a name as clever as Rocktober…

  6. mrcanacorn Says:

    BRILLIANT! Pom, my man, you’ve done it again!

  7. Darius Whiteplume Says:

    Ah, Kentucky.

    Sorry, I’m late to the party. Still don’t know what to say…

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