THE ROOM Week: Scotchka!

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Hey, lookee there! I actually made it to day 2 of THE ROOM Week!

Now I know some of you out there like to have a few beers or a box of wine to give you that much needed liquid assist to sit through an entire movie in one viewing…and that’s cool…but when watching THE ROOM you can’t just beer bong your way through a six pack or sip on one of your older sister’s wine coolers!

Oh no, my little boozed up boners! You need a real drink! A drink that has has some bite! A drink that will put hair on your chest and fire in your loins!

You need a Scotchka!

I’m sure those of you that haven’t seen THE ROOM yet are wondering, “What the fuck’s a Scotchka?”

I’ll tell ya’! It is a unique mixed drink found only in one movie…and it’s consumed in only one scene…but once you’ve seen it, you’ll never forget it!

You see, in THE ROOM, our hero, Johnny, was passed over on the big bank promotion (even though he’s saved that son of a bitch bundles)! And he feels like a fool…luckily, his bride to be, Lisa, knows just what he needs…a super special drink.

A Scotchka!

It is quite possibly the best alcoholic drink ever created…and today, I’m gonna’ teach you how to make it!

First: Pour yourself two to three fingers of room temperature
Clan MacGregor Blended Scotch Whisky (it has a smooth light taste, it’s hangover friendly, and cheap) in an old fashioned tumbler.
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Second: Fix one up for a friend…(only alcoholics drink alone!)
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Third: Add approximately two to three fingers of Smirnoff® Red LabelVodka straight from the freezer!
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Fourth: Do NOT stir, shake, mix or blend! These bad boys are ready for consumption right out of the bottle!

Now that you’ve made yourself (and a friend) a refreshing Scotchka, here’s how to drink it:

Oh, before you go enjoying your Scotchka, don’t forget to eat…You gotta’ put that bottom in! Drinking on an empty stomach is a bad idea. I suggest you get a pizza! But not just any pizza…Try Johnny’s favorite pie! It’s half Canadian bacon with pineapple, half artichoke with pesto, light on the cheese, heaven in a box!

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Get your friend to taste their Scotchka first…If your friend protests, just remind him/her that if they love you, they will drink itand it tastes good!
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Make a toast…preferably to “how right you are” and “to having fun”!

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After a glass or two you’ll be tired, wasted, in love, and ready to sloppy drunk fuck the night away…guaranteed!

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Trust me (and Lisa)…it works every time!

6 Responses to “THE ROOM Week: Scotchka!”

  1. Darius Whiteplume Says:

    I fear for my liver already!

  2. Myrtle Says:

    I thought the Scotchka was gonna make me sick, until they got to the pesto pizza….

    Pesto reminds me of changing a babies diaper….which you’ll soon see why!

    – Nanny Myrt

  3. Yum-Yum Says:

    I like how the pink and black font matches perfectly with Lisa’s sexy outfit.

    Speaking of which, are the fine folks over at THE ROOM Week gonna do an entry that focuses solely on Juliette Danielle’s tasty looking skirt? Because if not, I’d gladly go on an obscenity laced tangent detailing its inherent deliciousness.

  4. mrcanacorn Says:

    @DW: Scotchka is a drink of Kings! Livers be damned!!

    @Myrt: Oh, diaper changings…maybe I should start checking in on Steve on his “sports night” so I can get some practice?

    @Yum-Yum: Sadly the minds behind Awesomeness (or anywhere else on the web) have neglected to do any posts on any of THE ROOM’s fashions…I believe the task lies firmly on your padded shoulders.

  5. Ogen Says:

    Dude, you got it wrong. The vodka used in the movie is clearly Sobieski, a Polish vodka. Actually a really great Polish vodka, although it is cheaper than Smirr.

    Look up pictures of Sobieski and Smirnoff and see which one looks like the bottle in the movie.

  6. mrcanacorn Says:

    Hey Ogen,

    Thanks for the heads up. I did as you suggested and Googled
    the fuck out that bottle of Sobieski…looks like you’re right.

    Thankfully, any and all vodkas and scotches will do when whipping up a Scotchka…so my mistake shouldn’t be too earth shattering.


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