I don’t know what the weather’s like in your neck of the woods, but here in the A,TX. it’s hot, hot, hot! And when it gets hot, there’s nothing I like better than a cool refreshing drink!
An ice cold beer, some unsweetened sun tea, a tall glass of ice water, or even a smoothie….but not just any smoothie…the only thing that can beat this Texas heat is an:
Wait, you guys don’t drink ASS SMOOTHIES in your hometown? Don’t tell me you’ve never even heard of them?Check it…ASS SMOOTHIES started off as this crazy porn thing on the internets where some pervy dudes found some “pornstars and hot girls who enjoy ass to mouth felching.”
I’ll let these demented thirst experts explain the rest:
“The porn babes make a smoothie which is then poured inside their rectum. We use a speculum to gape their asshole open wide so we can fill up their anal cavity with what then becomes known as the ass smoothie. As they wait in the piledriver position with their ass up in the air, we pour the entire anal smoothie inside their butt and let it sit there for a moment. When they are completely full, the girls get back on their feet and squirt the ass smoothie from their assholes into a glass below. Next they take the anal beverage to their lips and drink it all, thus completing the felching cycle of ass to mouth, by ingesting the ass smoothie which was sitting deep inside their own rectum.”Man, doesn’t that sound delicious?! It became such a popular drink among professional women, college students and speculum salesmen here in Austin that ASS SMOOTHIE stands started popping up all over town!
The ASS SMOOTHIE was liberated from it’s existence as the second class citizen of “fruity, sweet, nutty flavored drinks with undertones of rich, dark rectum” to it’s rightful place as THE MOST REFRESHING DRINK IN THE WORLD!
Before you knew it, everyone and their mom were blending their own special brand of ASS SMOOTHIE…there were ASS SMOOTHIE parties where people would bring tricked out blenders and personalized, gold plated speculums…debates would rage over the proper temperature for the perfect ASS SMOOTHIE (98.6 degrees was usually beat out every time by cooler, more refreshing temps)….some people even got their pets in on the act with a very special Canis lupus familiaris ASS SMOOTHIE…but I won’t get into that.
Live music was out as the driver of Austin’s “creative economy” and everyone knew that Austin, TX. was now THE ASS SMOOTHIE CAPITOL OF THE WORLD! Even the old hippies were wearing tied-dyed shirts with the ASS SMOOTHIE slogan, “KEEP AUSTIN SMOOTH“.
So, don’t the let heat get the upper hand, get on the ASS SMOOTHIE train this Summer and keep it smooth in your city!