Cheer Up Charlie

Hey look at me…two blog posts in a row!

I hate to admit it but, I still don’t have any idea what to write about now that I’m back from my hiatus….

I’ve been staring at my computer for days (totally ignoring my wife and son) just grasping at straws for a topic.

I know the porn related posts generate anywhere between 400 to 600 hits a day (Thanks, futanaria, squirting, black cock, pussy pump, and human cow), but I just can’t turn Awesomeness into anymore of a toilet than it already is…or can I?

Then it hit me…

What’s almost as popular as pornography on the internets?

Celebrity scandals!

Sooooooooo….Let’s talk Charlie Sheen!!!!

Naw, I’m just kidding…what I really want to talk about is my most favorite teevee show of all time:

Beverly Hills 90210!

Best episode of Family Feud evarrrrr!

That’s right boners, it’s Season 8 time here at Casa Canacorn!

The gang’s back and…well, not the whole gang…but some old faces are and we get a couple of new characters, like Noah and Carly!

You don’t remember Noah or Carly? How about creepy Dr. Monahan or that red headed bitch Emma?

Anyone?

Wait, don’t tell me every last one of y’all stopped watching when Brenda moved to London to attend school at the Royal Academy for Dramatic Arts?!

Oh man, have we got some catching up to do….I can’t possibly get y’all up to speed in just one post.

So I’ll just whet your appetite with this screenshot from the opening credits:

That’s right, Karate Kid and velociraptor, Hilary Swank has joined the cast!

Stayed tuned!

….and don’t worry, there will be more porn…I promise.

Two For Tuesdays

And you were expecting something awesome?

Oh crap, what day is it?

Tuesday?!

Wow, way to disappoint Canacorn…a whole week since your last post?

Heh.

Um..about that…I’m just lazy I guess.

So with that being said, I might as well keep this blog-train a rollin’ straight past disappointment and into complete and total failure…

Who’s hungry for some TACO*!?!?

Anyone?

Okay, okay…I get it, you’re worried I’m gonna’ hit you up with Puttin’ On The Ritz? Believe me, I was tempted, but you should have a little more faith in your ol’ buddy.

Let’s kick things off with, Under My Tight Skin!

Oh Taco, you ARE awesome!

What else you got for us today?

How about, Tell Me That You Like It (I’d like to dedicate the top and hairdo worn by the announcer at the beginning of this video to my pal, Yum-Yum, and the fabulous dancers to my Auntie John!)

Man, these live performances are truly works of art! I love how the post-Ritz-Taco is this bizarre combination of Wayne Newton and Perez Hilton!

I just have to play one more video…if only to thoroughly disgust Bwana and completely piss off Myrtle:

Last stop: Heart Break City

There’s your daily awesome for today….thank me later….

Canacorn out!

*No, One Night In Bangkok is not a Taco song…That’s

Two For Tuesdays

Hey there boners!

I know I promised a whole bunch of new awesomeness for you guys and gals in the next five weeks or so….and I also know I haven’t really delivered much in the way of awesome other than a single entry from last Friday…sorry ’bout that.

Honestly, I’m having a bit of a blog-block. Thanks to school, I’m so out of touch that I have absolutely NO idea what you kooky kids want to read about.

So today I figured I’d phone it in and hit you up with a Twofer straight from a teenage girl’s favorite mixtape circa 1993.

Blender magazine called today’s pick a “blues-rock sorceress trafficking in social politics and dark, tormented songwriting.” But don’t let that turn you off…

Here’s 2 tracks from Polly Jean Harvey off of Rid Of Me:

Man-Size (Click HERE for the equally awesome Man-Size Sextet):

Oh, and since Universal Music Group refuses to allow embedding of their artists’ videos, just click on the pic of PJ to watch the video for 50ft Queenie on YouTube.

So that’s that.

Seriously, I’m really gonna’ try and figure out something to blog about before I head back to school…

Fetish Fridays! NSFW Shoe Fucking!

Decisions, decisions...

I know you perverts have been lost without me these past few months…God only knows what kind of indignities your eyes and genitals have suffered without FF around!

I can only imagine what you poor degenerates have been masturbating to…and for some reason I imagine a German paysite featuring internal POV videos of Gräfenberg’s ring insertions…or whatever.

Well, your agony has ended starting today!

Welcome back FETISH FRIDAYS!!!!

I know I’m a bit rusty here since I’ve been away from the cesspool of cum and shit that is internet porn, but I’m gonna’ give it my best shot! Today we’re covering some familiar territory..but with a twist!

Sure, sure, everyone and their mother has a fucking shoe fetish…but how about a shoe fucking fetish?! (See what I did there? I said, “fucking shoe” and then I said, “shoe…” oh never mind…)

You were expecting something sexier...like an exotic stiletto maybe?

I have to admit I’ve never had sex with a shoe. Hell, I wouldn’t even know where to start….I know, I know, you’re disappointed

But seriously, do I fuck one of my own shoes? And if I do, is it like masturbating? Is it gay to fuck a dude’s shoe? Is it cheating on my wife if I fuck another woman’s shoe? Is it cheating on my wife if I fuck her shoe and not her? Do I fuck a shoe with or without someone’s foot still in the shoe?

A shoehorn is a tool that allows the user to put on a shoe more easily.

So many questions!!!! Calgon, take me away!

Okay, get it together, Canacorn….you’re here to provide a service.

I’ll probably never get the answers to all my questions, but let’s see what some “experts” are saying about shoe fucking.

With just a few keystrokes I stumbled upon a helpful site called, Hot Shoe Shots.

I decided to troll their forums to see just what these shoe fuckers were talking about…(I’ve included their avatars just so you guys know that we’re dealing with the real deal.)

On the topic of “New Ways Of Fucking Womens Shoes

HighHeelShoeJacker (I’m pretty sure that is not his real name) says, “I have been fucking shoes for a while now,besides using an open toe as an orafice,or sticking the heels up my ass i havent heard anything new,well except one guy i met on here that attaches his Borrowed open toe heels to an orbital power sander which is Very hot for hands free shoe fun!”

drex2 chimed in with,“try putting on a vibrating cock ring with the vibrator under your balls and lube up a shoe and go to town on it, its agreat feeling, you can get those cock rings also in a trojan condom pack….. “

Then things started getting all technical when The Original Peeptoe shared some serious techniques:

“Why not have the shoe fuck you? Especially good with long, thin metal heels, is getting urethrally fucked under the shoe. Clean the heel with alcohol first and grease it with a sterile water base lube. The heel, if it has a lift, should be free of burrs or flares. New heels that are all metal and kept for the purpose are best.

Slide it gently into your peehole and guide it slowly down, feeling it on the bottom side of your cock with one hand while controlling the shoe’s descent with the other. I routinely bury a six inch stilletto all the way down until the head of my cock is spreading to try to accomodate the flaring heel top. For a real thrill, get your ladyfriend to slip her foot into the shoe once it’s been installed. Just seeing her standing there impaling you as you lie under her ought to make you come.

A word about coming. With the heel in, it may hurt a little! “

Uh…wha? “Urethrally fucked“? “Peehole“? “Impaling“? Fuck a bunch of that, The Original Peeptoe (if that is your real name?)! Obviously, some people are a little more extreme in the shoe sex department.

Oh, another thing I learned about shoe fuckers: They kidnap shoes to take back to their lairs and fuck them.

You heard me.

They steal shoes…and then fuck them.

And they get REAL excited about Summertime…’cause that’s when people like you are kicking off your flip flops in public and leaving them unattended.

Peep this post by our pal, HighHeelShoeJacker, “Ok its almost warm enough for flip flop season,they are the most readily available footwear that girls seem to leave lying around unattended,anyone have any good technique for using them?”

You’ve been warned, so don’t come crying to me if one or both of your flip flops goes missing…but know some creep is raping the shit out of that shoe and it’s your fault.

Just sayin’.

Oh, in case you’re wondering….yes there are female shoe fuckers out there! But it seems to me that they usually make sweet sweet love to their own shoes…and only because creepy dudes like seeing chicks shove weird shit in their vagoos…

So there you go! Not too shabby of a return of FF this week if I do say so myself! Hope you boners enjoyed it….

Canacorn out!

Back From The Dead!

Well hello there, boners!

It’s me, your old pal Mr. Canacorn….ummm, hello?

Is anyone out there?

Christ, I know it’s been like 4 fucking months, but where did everybody go?

Now looking at my blog stats, I see the good ol’ porn dogs of the internets have been sniffing around Awesomeness looking for their beloved Fetish Fridays…but it looks like all my blog buddies have moved along.

This is exactly what DH school is like....seriously.

Hell, I can’t blame you kids…I’ve been a horrible blogger and blog reader/commenter recently.

I just haven’t had the time what with Dental Hygiene School.

That’s right, Mr. C is one semester closer to realizing his dream of becoming a dental hygienist!

Can you even imagine the beautifully manicured hands of one Mr. Canacorn rooting around in your buccal cavity?!

Well, you’ll have to wait a few more semesters for that wet dream to come to true!

But get this…I’ve got 5 whole weeks off and it’s high time to start serving up some marvelous shit to get your pants areas all wet! That’s right…AWESOMENESS FOR AWESOME’S SAKE is back!

So let’s celebrate with a video…oh, and it’s a small hint of what tomorrow’s FF will be about…

Okay then…welcome back, methe internets are a little bit brighter again!

Canacorn out!