Why Am I So Fucked Up?

Well, according to most doctor and science types, it has something to do with my childhood. All of my problems, fears, and hang-ups are thanks to the endless hours of tee-vee watching I did as a little guy…filling my head with all sorts of horrors…slowly molding me into the maladjusted some-bitch that I am today.

But wait! I’m not alone….it seems like we all received unhealthy doses of mind warping trauma…and some evil geniuses have decided to blog about it…


KINDERTRAUMA

“KINDERTRAUMA is about the movies, books, and toys that scared you when you were a kid. It’s also about kids in scary movies, both as heroes and villains. And everything else that’s traumatic to a tyke!

Through reviews, stories, artwork, and testimonials, we mean to remind you of all the things you once tried so hard to forget…”

Which reminds me of 1983..I was eleven and didn’t scare easily, but this freaked my shit:

Two For Tuesdays

Way back when I was in elementary school, I had a super awesome babysitter named Mary. I was a pretty cool kid so Mary didn’t mind hanging around with me….it probably didn’t hurt that she was getting paid…but I honestly think she liked having me tag along. We sneaked into rated R movies (that’s when I first saw STIR CRAZY), broke into her older boyfriend’s place one night, went tubing with her hot teenage girlfriends, and generally just had a bunch of fun together.

She let me flip through dirty magazines and raid her record collection on a regular basis…Oh, she had the classic Burt Reynolds poster in her bedroom…you know the one…

Anyway, back to the records…Mary totally turned me on to DEVO (she actually partied with the boys after a show and brought back a DEVO hat to prove it!) and THE B-52’s! I still love me some DEVO and that first B-52’s LP is a personal favorite.

So…on to the music!

PLANET CLAIRE

ROCK LOBSTER

For some vintage late 70s performances of these kooky kids, check out KELLY MILLS’ YouTube channel!

And how could I not leave you kids with one of Fred’s gaytastic hits? This song is so retarded that it goes full circle past genius right back to retarded….which is why I love it.

Thank (or hate) me later!

Things I Decided Today…

Link is NSFW!

CHASEY LAIN’S boobs are a hot tranny mess.

Wha’ happened? Seriously, I’ve seen better tits on a tranny.

S-T Crooked I-D-E-S!

Remember these commercials for St. Ides?

ICE CUBE

NOTORIOUS BIG

KING TEE

HMMMMMMM…a good idea using rappers as shills for malt liquor? The tracks may be short and not in the best interest for smashing down stereotypes or promoting responsible drinking, but they’re all funky as hell.

If you know where to look, you might just be able to find yourself a copy of:

DJ DRANK’S GREATEST MALT LIQUOR HITS

There’s 30 tracks all glorifying the most delectable malt liquor on the planet…ICE CUBE leads the pack with some of his best rhymes since DEATH CERTIFICATERAKIM, EPMD, THE GETO BOYS, and even YO-YO all spit some dope verses about getting fucked up and just being on of the guys thanks to the power of malt liquor…oh, don’t tell moms, but I hear it can even help get you laid!

Well, I guess having hardcore rappers selling your alcoholic beverage is more responsible than getting the most famous black man in space to sell your delicious brew?

WORKS EVERY TIME, indeed.