Two For Tuesdays

toniHey boners, it’s Toni Basil!

I know the picture makes you think you’re getting “Mickey” as one of your songs today…

But you’re not.

It’s not like you haven’t heard it a million times anyway…

The closest you’ll get from me today is Kitty by Racey, and you’ll fucking like it.

So, uh, here’s Toni with a cover of DEVO‘s “Space Girl Blues

Space Girls

Now let’s check out “You Got A Problem“…which is a cover of DEVO‘s “Pity You“:

What are the chances that today’s two-fer fails just as miserably as last Tuesday’s?

Knowing my audience, pretty damn good.

C U Next Tuesday!

Two For Tuesdays Is Back?!

The answer to that question is, “YES!”

There has been a severe lack of posting here at Awesomeness…and for that, I apologize.

There’s just not enough time in the day you know…and with school starting up at the end of August, there will be even less.

So to make myself feel better about even having a blog, I’m going to try and bring back Two For Tuesdays (again….I think we all remember how I failed miserably the last time)! But this time I’m gonna’ let the music do the talking…which is probably for the best since I know how much you guys hate to read…but hey, who am I to judge?

So let’s do this…today I bring you…

The GRAND TWINS of the TWIN GRANDS!

Quick Ferrante, to the wigs!

Quick Ferrante, to the wigs!

African Echoes

Midnight Cowboy

And that’s that!

Now let’s see if I can finally finish that Fetish Fridays I started weeks ago…

You Can’t Feed A Baby LPs Part 2

Okay, boners, I don’t have much time so I’m gonna’ make this quick…

Here’s a batch of soundtracks I’ve picked up over the past month:

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I know, I know, you’re pretty sure I have absolutely no filter when it comes to my record purchases…and I have to admit, that might be true…especially when it comes to soundtracks…

So, what do we have here? VALLEY OF THE DOLLS, HISTORY OF THE WORLD PART I, 1941, INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS (1978), ERASERHEAD, BRIGHT LIGHTS BIG CITY, 9 TO 5, MEATBALLS, BAD GUYS, and ANY WHICH WAY YOU CAN!

I’m not going to put up a video for each of them , but I will say the BRIGHT LIGHTS BIG CITY soundtrack has some killer 80s jams on it…like this one:

What? You thought I was give a fuck about my cred and play Love Attack by Konk?

You Can’t Feed A Baby LPs Part 1

Quinn 071409 024 Yeah, yeah, yeah…just because I got me one of them there baby Canacorns doesn’t mean I’m gonna’ stop buying records.

Cut a dad some slack…besides, most of ’em were used AND I hear that, “all babies have an instinctive sense of rhythm and a love of music,” so I’m actually doing the kid a favor…or whatever.

That okay with you, Judgy McJudgerton?

Okay.

Now that that’s out of the way…let’s see some of the LPs I’ve picked up this month…it’s been a while since we’ve taken a look at my record purchases, so instead of jamming up this post with a shit-ton of pics and videos I’ve decided to spread them out over a few posts….

recordsjuly 003 Let’s see…where to start?

I guess we’ll go with the ladies…starting left to right on the top row and then left to right on the bottom row…

Well, hello there, Irene Cara!

Sure, we all loved her as Coco Hernandez in Fame and everyone’s favorite karaoke song to sing is the Moroder/Cara classic, “Flashdance…What A Feeling“…but the secret hit off of this record is the awesome “Breakdance“!

Don’t believe me about the awesomeness that is “Breakdance“?

Peep this shit:

Next up are twin knockouts, Cherie and Marie Currie! These two foxes (see what I did there? Cherie was in the Adrian Lyne film…oh, forget it…) only did this one record together…and despite lukewarm (at best) reviews, I still dig it.

Especially the cover of Russ Ballard‘s “Since You’ve Been Gone“:

Moving on…to the beautiful (and busty) Lynda Carter*! Here she is singing “Toto” on Wonder Woman from her 1978 album, Portrait:

*This link is for the Awesomeness reader whose idea of a “Rock N Roll Fantasy” involve an elaborately costumed Ms. Carter doing a medley of Tina Turner, KISS, and Bette Midler songs accompanied by the Ikettes, fruity KISS impersonators and dancing gorillas…which should be all of you.

So this next one is a little misleading…yes there are some super sultry 80s babes in buckskin/mesh Indian inspired dancewear on the cover…but this is all Bohannon all the time.

I’ve talked about the ass shaking power that is Bohannon before…and the BOHANNON FEVER LP is more of the same…so let’s get on this “Party Trainmothersuckers and get funky in our pants areas:

And the last record for today is STARGARD‘s What You Waitin’ For! Look at that cover…the sheer audaciousness of their Danilo Donatiesque FLASH GORDON inspired outfits was worth the 99 cents I paid for this sucker alone.

stargard

It doesn’t hurt that their funky brand of R&B is pretty fucking awesome as well…but you’re just going to have to take my word for it since YouTube let me down in the video department.

So, that’s the tip of the LP iceberg today, kids. Tune in next time for a whole bunch of soundtracks…

Things I Decided Today

Okay, since we’ll never get another episode of ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT…I suggest that Mitchell Hurwitz should hit us up with a spin-off.

Anyone remember the Bill Bixby show from the early 70s called THE MAGICIAN?

Magic, bitches!

Magic, bitches!

It was about a playboy magician that solved crimes…with magic! Pretty rad, right?

A trick is something a whore does for money...

A trick is something a whore does for money...

Well, why not tweak that idea and make it a comedy with Will Arnett reprising his role as GOB as the crime busting illusionist?!

Imagine the hilarity…all the old gang could make cameos…The whole Bluth clan and especially The Hot Cops, Mr. Bananagrabber, and the lovable African-American puppet, Franklin!

I know, I know….I’m practically a fucking genius here….still not sold?

Okay, watch this old intro to THE MAGICIAN but imagine GOB as the titular character instead of Bill Bixby

See what I’m sayin’? I’ll call Hollywood.

Steinberg And Son

jl

And then there was that time when John Larroquette wore a fake mustache and starred as Murray in the all Jewish production of Steinberg And Son in front of a live studio audience…

Is there anything he can’t do?

Blue Drank

So, yesterday I was working on an upcoming post for THE ROOM Week (I know, I know, it’s not until May and you’re already sick of me talking about it) and I was getting all crazy Virgo about some minor details that I couldn’t figure out…so I turned to Bwana for some help.

I shot him a quick email since I was sure he must be some sort of expert on the details in question…I eventually figured it out on my own (with some help from The Wife) and emailed Bwana again to share the good news.

When he emailed me back he expressed his approval and admiration of my findings and then he hit me up with a (non THE ROOM) question of his own for me!

Yum, it's produced by a female bantha’s mammary glands!

Yum, it's produced by a female bantha’s mammary glands!

Hey, what do you think that blue stuff that Aunt Beru gave to Luke to drink when he was whining about going to get the power converters was?

Hmmmmm…an interesting question…I was pretty sure Bwana was in no way making fun of me or “busting my balls” as the (Italian) kids say…so I hit the internets to find out just what in the Hell was in that future flask!

A few key strokes later and I ended up on Wookieepedia! And sure as shit there was an entry for Blue Milk!

It says: “Blue milk, sometimes known as Bantha milk[1] was a blue-colored liquid produced by a female bantha’s mammary glands. It could be found on most planets across the galaxy. The milk was well known for being very rich and refreshing, its opaque coloring suggesting that it was also sweet. The milk was also used to make a variety of yogurt, ice cream, and cheese.

There’s even a commercial for it:

So, there you go, Bwana! If you (or any of you other Awesomeness readers) think of any other burning questions I can answer for ya’ just let me know at mrcanacorn@gmail.com or hit me up in the comments section!

Thank You For Being A Friend

Bernice Frankel - May 13, 1922 – April 25, 2009

Bernice Frankel - May 13, 1922 – April 25, 2009

My deepest condolences to the Frankel family, Walter, Carol, Rose, Blanche, Sophia, Greedo, and Freemblap.

*please click the pic for a musical tribute

You Know Why Pam Grier Is Tougher Than You?

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‘Cause she’ll go to your fancy boat party

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Find the meanest bitch there…

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And proceed to beat the shit out of her…

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With a ferocious bitch slap bombardment…

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Doled out in front of all her friends and colleagues…

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And to add insult to injury…

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She’ll finish the fight with a old timey cream pie to the face…

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And make an Batman inspired exit…

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In a dress…and heels.

And that’s why Pam Grier is tougher than you.

Don’t Give Sheba No Shit

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‘Cause Sheba Shayne will repeatedly shove your face in granulated chlorine, making you “the whitest nigga that ever left Louisville!”

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Product Name: SENTRY GRANULATED CHLORINE FOR SWIMMING POOLS

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Risk Phrases: Contact with combustible material may cause fire. Harmful if swallowed. Contact with acids liberates toxic gas. Causes burns. Risk of serious damage to eyes. Very toxic to aquatic organisms.

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Safety Phrases: Avoid contact with skin and eyes. In case of contact with eyes, rinse immediately with plenty of water and seek medical advice. Wear suitable protective clothing, gloves and eye/face protection. In case of accident or if you feel unwell, seek medical advice immediately (show the label whenever possible).

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Inhalation: Remove victim from area of exposure – avoid becoming a casualty. Remove contaminated clothing and loosen remaining clothing. Allow patient to assume most comfortable position and keep warm. Keep at rest until fully recovered. If patient finds breathing difficult and develops a bluish discoloration of the skin (which suggests a lack of oxygen in the blood – cyanosis), ensure airways are clear of any obstruction and have a qualified person give oxygen through a face mask. Apply artificial respiration if patient is not breathing. Seek immediate medical advice.

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Skin Contact: If skin or hair contact occurs, immediately remove any contaminated clothing and wash skin and hair thoroughly with running water. If swelling, redness, blistering or irritation occurs seek medical assistance.

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Eye Contact: Immediately wash in and around the eye area with large amounts of water for at least 15 minutes. Eyelids to be held apart. Remove clothing if contaminated and wash skin. Urgently seek medical assistance. Transport to hospital or medical center.

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Ingestion: Immediately rinse mouth with water. If swallowed, do NOT induce vomiting. Give a glass of water. Seek immediate medical assistance.

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Medical attention and special treatment:
Treat symptomatically. Can cause corneal burns. Delayed effects from exposure to chlorine (decomposition product) can include shortness of breath, severe headache, pulmonary edema and pneumonia.

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Long Term Effects:
No information available for the product.