Bro Mitzvah!

One of the nice things about living in a melting pot is when cultures “borrow” traditions from other cultures to turn them into something positive for their own communities. An example of this is the new ritual of the “bro mitzvah” among African Americans. Inspired by the Jewish bar mitzvah, a bro mitzvah celebrates an African-American boy’s transformation into an adult..” –eHow Culture & Society Editor

video via Aziz Is Bored

Fetish Fridays! Base For Your Face Special

Aye carumba!

Aye carumba!

Hey boners!

Sorry things have been a little quiet around these parts lately…you know how it goes…quit smoking (again)…get all despondent…you know that deep dejection arising from a conviction of the uselessness of any further effort on my part…and the despair and the cessation of effort or resistance that often implies acceptance or resignation of my complete lack of faith in myself…or whatever.

But enough about me!

Let’s get on with today’s Fetish Friday! And let me say, I have a sneaking suspicion that some of y’all are going to wish I took today off.

Sooooo, consider this a warning…those with sensitive hearts and impressionable minds should just click HERE and come back next week.

Go on now…go on…get!

Okay…are they gone?

Are you ready for this?

Today we go to a dark dark place….I found it on the internet a few weeks ago…it’s called:

CRACK WHORE CONFESSIONS!

It says on the box: No actual drug used depicted in this movie

It says on the box: No actual drug used depicted in this movie

And the website boasts, “Prepare to Scar Your Mind! Cracker Jack brings you shocking videos of Real Crack Whores telling their true life confessions about what these street walkers will do for their Johns. Hear insane tales of sex, drugs, violence, and life on the streets.

Damn! It’s like a bizarro mix of COPS and TAXICAB CONFESSIONS with a hearty helping of every HBO documentary about hookers and addicts ever made!

And…it has a theme song! That you can download!

You know, sometimes when I’m watching porn I think too much about the reality of what I’m seeing and what some of those young “actors” and “actresses” are going through in their lives…the self esteem issues, drug problems, social stigmas…and it really gets in the way of my enjoyment of all the double penetrations, throat gaggings, and extreme fistings

So why in the world would I want to watch a Crack Whore Granny Toothless Gum Job?

This crack whore Granny is best known for her famous toothless gum jobs!

This crack whore Granny is best known for her famous toothless gum jobs!

Or an 18 Year Old Cheerleader Turned Crack Whore?

Cracker Jack does not find fresh faces like this hooking on the stroll very often.

Cracker Jack does not find fresh faces like this hooking on the stroll very often.

I wouldn’t! Talk about depression….Jesus Christ…what the fuck man?

Who is jerking off to this?!

There’s over 150 damaged souls sucking and fucking for crack rock on this site!

And after watching Cracker Jack bang some of these broads without a fucking condom(?!) you can take a crack house tour! Hooray! Life sucks!

Who's Ready for Dinner?

Who's Ready for Dinner?

And to top it all off you can say, “Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt!

NOT ironic.

NOT ironic.

Wow….worst FF ever…

So, uh…here’s a Canacorn favorite to cheer us all up after today’s post:

Pam Grier is Jackie Brown

pgw2

jackie1 It’s no secret that one Mr. Canacorn has a couple of loves in his life (other than The Wife and baby Chuy)…

Vinyl and soundtracks! So in celebrating all things Pam this week, I figured we’d talk about the Jackie Brown OST today!

We’ve all been told what a genius Quentin Tarantino is when it comes to picking music for his films…and I really have to agree wholeheartedly.

Sure, sure, I’d love for him to finally hook up with a composer that could whip up an amazing score, but just like Martin Scorsese before him, QT knows how to pick existing songs that can capture the viewers attention and really solidify a scene.

What really impressed me about the Jackie Brown soundtrack was QT’s ballsy choice to use such recognizable songs and still be able to give them a whole new life within the JB universe.

Let’s take a look and a listen to some choice cuts, shall we? Just click on the pic and be transported to wonderful world of YouTube!

Across 110th Street – Bobby Womack
bobbywomack

Strawberry Letter 23The Brothers Johnson
brothersjohnson

Who Is He (And What Is He to You?)Bill Withers
billwithers

Tennessee StudJohnny Cash
cash

Natural HighBloodstone
bloodstone

Long Time WomanPam Grier
pam1

Street LifeRandy Crawford
randycrawford

Didn’t I Blow Your Mind This TimeThe Delfonics
delfonics1

Midnight ConfessionsThe Grass Roots
the-grass-roots

Inside My LoveMinnie Riperton
minnie

The Lions and the CucumberThe Vampire Sound Incorporation
vampyros

Monte Carlo NightsElliot Easton’s Tiki Gods
easton

and even though it’s not a music video, but because I’m thinking about Jackie Brown, I just have to throw this video in here:

99 Rivington Street

pboutique-001 Has it really been 20 years since a teenage Mr. Canacorn went to the mall to buy one of his most cherished records of all time?

I know I’ve been talking about some of my more recent LP purchases the past couple of days, but today is kind of special, so I’m going to spotlight an old record…

Paul’s Boutique by The Beastie Boys and The Dust Brothers (including Matt Dike) just might be my all time favorite record ever made.

pboutique-002 I couldn’t stop listening to this record for a year straight back in 89 and I still revisit it in one form or another to this day.

Lyrically it’s a ton of fun and with over a hundred samples packed into 15 tracks it never bores me. In fact, I just downloaded a commentary track from the Beastie‘s site, just in case I didn’t learn everything I possibly could about PB from Dan Leroy’s 33 1/3 book back in 06.

And really, it’s the only double gatefold record I own…still…to this day. And how cool is that?

pboutique-004

Pretty fucking cool, old man…pretty fucking cool.

Actor. Rapper. Gaper.

Self described, REAL LADIEZ MAN, B Pumper

Self described, REAL LADIEZ MAN, B Pumper

Okay, black dudes writing rap songs about fucking hos, making cheddar, and their vocal prowess on the mic is nothing new, right?

Well, meet Brian “B” Pumper. That’s him over there on the left. I had no idea who this talented young man was until I read about him in Chris Nieratko‘s latest SKINEMA article.

It seems that B has a new dvd coming out called GAPE MAN 2…and on said dvd is an incredible hip hop track performed by B all about his ability to cause “mass ass destruction in da pink meat.”

Are you guys on board here? You do know what the gape is right?

You don’t?!

Look, I know I’ve posted some questionable material on here before, but I’m not so sure about hitting you guys up with this particular extreme porn niche.

Um, okay, how do I explain this one? You know what the definition of the word gape is. Now apply that to the human anus. It should look something like this in your mind…but more wet and inflamed looking:

 Awesome Blossom + Human Anus = What a gape looks like

Awesome Blossom + Human Anus = What a gape looks like

So wanna’ hear some of B Pumper‘s music? Me too.

Lucky for us he’s got a channel on YouTube! Here’s his video for “Fucked Ya Girl“:

I don’t know, B…it’s a little weak in the beat, rhyme, and flow areas. Sorry, B…you know what, maybe it’s just me? After reading about The Gape Man Rap none of your other songs are gonna’ cut it.

Alright, let’s do this then….here it is…I want it, you want it…click at your own risk…THE NO WAY IN HELL IS THIS VIDEO EVEN REMOTELY SAFE FOR WORK AND IT WILL PROBABLY MAKE YOU THROW UP BUT YOU JUST CAN’T RESIST THE AWESOMENESS THAT IS THE GAPE MAN 2 RAP.

Dear God, please don’t let my mother read my blog…..

The Movie Soundtrack Meme

I found this meme floating around the internet this morning and figured it would make for a good time waster and an excuse to listen to some music.

So, here’s how it works:

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every section of the movie, type the song that’s playing

No cheating now…we’d all love to cherry pick the soundtrack to our movie, but you gotta’ follow the rules…

But first, how about a movie poster to go along with my soundtrack?

poster2888056

Opening Credits:You Ought To Be With MeAl Green (Nice. This song is super funky and romantic…it always makes me smile…a fine song to start a movie)

Waking Up:Charleston AlleyLambert, Hendricks, & Ross (Okay, I don’t care what anyone says, I love this group…not sure where this movie is going yet…)

First Day At School:Billion Dollar BabiesAlice Cooper (Well, we’ve certainly switched gears here…)

Falling In Love:GogomobilCarlo Montez (Sweet, this is a jazzy European instrumental number that riffs on the Neil Hefti theme from BATMAN)

Shower Scene:Frisco NightLalo Schifrin from the SUDDEN IMPACT soundtrack. (What the fuck kind of shower was that? I’m all freaked out…)

Fight Song:Wu Banga 101Ghostface Killah, GZA, Raekwon, Cappadonna, Masta Killa (I wondered when the Wu was gonna’ show up…features a sample from “Queen Of Tears” by Gladys Knight & The Pips.)

Breaking Up:Dig Boy DigFreddie Hart (Oh man, a rockabilly track…I have a past not many of y’all know about…)

Prom:FunkyAndre Brasseur (More sexy European gogo music from the 60s…Best…Prom…Ever!)

Life’s OK:Finger Of ScornCirith Ungol (FYI: the band’s name is Elvish and it means “Pass of the Spider“….Rings, bitches!)

Mental Breakdown:Hopelessly Devoted To YouOlivia Newton-John (I am kind of gay you know…)

Driving:Dats What I’m Talkin’ AboutMissy Elliott with R. Kelly (This song is all about fucking…and, um, the sex scene comes after the driving scene…I can’t wait to see what comes next…)

Sex Scene:Hall Of The Mountain KingSavatage (Okay…I really wish I could switch this one with the driving scene…)

Flashback:EmergencyDee Dee King (This is Dee Dee Ramone‘s rap record…beautiful…)

Getting Back Together:Hippa To Da HoppaOl’ Dirty Bastard (I know, I’m such a romantic…Samples “It’s A New Day” by Skull Snaps and “Sing A Simple Song” by Sly & The Family Stone)

Wedding:Slayers” from John Carpenter’s VAMPIRES The Texas Toad Lickers (I would like to imagine that this was the band playing at the wedding…know why? Here’s a list of the musicians: John Carpenter – keyboards, piano, guitar and bass, Steve “The Colonel” Cropper – guitar, Donald V.”Duck” Dunn – bass, Rick Shlosser – drums, Jeffrey “Skunk” Baxter -electronic guitar, dobro and steel pedal, Joe Robb – saxophone, Bruce Robb – Hammond B3 organ…’nuff said.)

Birth of Child:State Of IndependenceDonna Summer (Whoa…not my favorite Donna Summer…it’s a cover of a Jon Anderson (of YES) and Vangelis song…very 80s…the lyrics work though)

Death Scene:Gasoline DreamsOutkast (Don’t everybody like the smell of gasoline?)

Funeral Song:Killing An ArabThe Cure
(Weird…my funeral is set to a song based on “…one of the most famous French novels of the twentieth century…” and is considered to be “…among the best literary expositions of the absurdity of human existence in an indifferent universe.“…nice.)

End Credits:Break My BodyPixies (After FIGHT CLUB we all know that the Pixies are a fine way to close your film.)

Well, not exactly what I would have picked, but interesting none the less….If any of you knuckleheads participate in this here meme, let me know…I’m a sucker for soundtracks.

I wonder what would happen if I did it again?

Paint It Black

I do believe this is a better all star jam than America’s Song…just sayin’.