twice the thrills! twice the chills!

Hey Boners!

Guess what? You’re ol’ pal, Canacorn, has stumbled back into the blog-o-sphere (are the kids still calling it that these days?) for a quickie post about horror movies.

You see, my buddy, cole (no capital letters…this dude just won’t use them for some reason), over at vitagraph, american is doing this little thing called, twice the thrills! twice the chills!

I’ll let cole explain what it’s all about: “the concept is pretty basic – you have one theater for one halloween night. what double feature do you program and why? two films and your motivations for selecting them, otherwise no limits. i leave it to your unfettered imaginations.

Sounds easy enough, right? Right! So let’s get to it!

Initially, I thought a David Cronenberg body horror double feature would be pretty sweet….

Then I figured The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) and it’s super awesome sequel would be a great Halloween dream team…

And then I almost decided on the wonderfully twisted and hilarious horror/comedy rope-a-dope combo of Henenlotter‘s Frankenhooker and Stephen Sayadian‘s Dr. Caligari to really showcase my love for The Cinema

And then I thought….

You see where this is going? It took me forever to stop permuting every fucking horror movie I’ve ever seen into some sort of more awesomer double shot of awesomeness! Or whatever.

Well, after hours and hours of brain melting introspection, I finally unfettered more than my imagination and came up with my Halloween night two-fer!

First up: À l’intérieur (American title: Inside) (2007)

Okay, I first heard about this one from the Gorillanaut blog back in July of 2008.

While checking out the screenshots, my first thought was, “Who’s the cutie with the gap in her teeth?” and then my second thought was, “Christ on a bike! This movie hates faces!!!”

The cutie with the diastema is the bat-shit insane, Béatrice Dalle, and this movie doesn’t just hate faces, it hates everything!

I had to watch this one alone since The Wife was pregnant at the time and wanted absolutely NOTHING to do with Julien Maury and Alexandre Bustillo‘s unrelenting story of one woman’s desire to have a baby. There’s a bit more to the plot, but if you haven’t seen this brutal and disturbing French horror film, I don’t want to spoil anything. I’m not usually the squeamish type, but I moaned and squirmed during the entire run time of this fucker. I could only imagine what it would be like to see this one on the big screen in a crowded theater…

It would be a great start to my double feature….and it seriously hates faces…seriously.

How do you keep the meat in the seats after 83 minutes of “strong bloody violence, gruesome and disturbing content, and language“? I got one word for you, RE-FUCKING-ANIMATOR!

Re-Animator (1985)

This 80s classic has it all…and by all, I mean, a great directior, excellent casting, a tight script, superb special effects, and a severed head going downtown on a naked Barbara Crampton!

I remember seeing this on cable as a young man, and it blew my mind. This is another film that just screams to be seen late at night with a group of like minded horror fans on the silver screen! And since it has its tongue firmly planted in its cheek, I believe it’s a nice mental break after À l’intérieur.

And I think it has one of the best title sequences and theme songs ever!

So that’s it….I’m done. Happy Halloween! I’m anxious to hear all about the other double feature picks over at vitagraph, american!

Canacorn out!

Snapshot Of Awesomeness

Two For Tuesdays

gto Today’s band is ADULT.

I like these kooks…

And I especially like the super sexy and dangerously hot photography of band member, NICOLA KUPERUS.

I hear they made some sort of “experimental horror film” called DECAMPMENT that could only be “experienced in person with ADULT. performing the soundtrack live to the film“…which sounds pretty cool if you’re into that kind of stuff. Watch the trailer HERE.

There’s also a 7″ vinyl only release called, THE DECAMPMENT TRILOGY, which is all super limited and shit…curious if there are any left? Then click HERE.

Okay, enough talk…let’s listen to some music…

Inside

I Feel Worse When I’m with You

That’s it for today, boners, C U Next Tuesday!

The Demon And The Dr.

Ebert: Zero stars and no thumbs up

Ebert: Zero stars and no thumbs up

Hey kids! What’s shakin’?

Not much new here…oh, wait…I did just watch this movie called CHAOS.

I liked it enough…well, more than Roger Ebert did, that’s for sure!

Ever hear of it?

No?

No worries….hop on over to Gorillanaut and read my review!

Anyway, what I really wanted to talk about was one of the special features on the CHAOS DVD! It’s called INSIDE THE CORONER’S OFFICE (A TOUR OF THE L.A. CORONER’S CRYPT)!

It has to be seen to be believed.

Don’t feel like renting it?

Okay fine, I’ll give you a quick rundown! God, I have to do everything for you guys!

Welcome to sunny California!

So uh, we can really film in here?

So uh, we can really film in here?

Let’s go in!

No shirt, no shoes, no dice...awww, fuck it.

No shirt, no shoes, no dice...awww, fuck it.

So now we get about 17 minutes of a greased up, shirtless Dave “The Demon” DeFalco (the writer/director of CHAOS) flexing and ranting (wrestler style) about how brutal the world (and his movie) is and how much Roger Ebert sucks…in front of real dead bodies (wrapped in plastic)!

Homicides, suicides...and uh, all the other ides!

Homicides, suicides...and uh, all the other ides!

Dude, I get it…you’re a wrestler…but isn’t there some kind of law or health code thing that says shirts are required in the fucking county coroner’s office?

TOTAL BRUTAL!

TOTAL BRUTAL!

Even better than Dave’s awesome display of power is the awkward and creepy tour of the coroner’s office by forensic technician Michael A. Cormier.

NOT an actor.

NOT an actor.

This dude is even weirder than DeFalco…he’s kind of a mix between Dr. Lawrence Jacoby and Dr. Matthew “Frankenstein” Logan. He walks us through the various crypts pointing out all sorts of stuff, like dead babies (wrapped in plastic) and dead fat people (wrapped in plastic)!

That's six hundred pounds of autopsy, baby!

That's six hundred pounds of autopsy, baby!

He even shows off his “tools of the trade”…including a long handle, curved head branch trimmer and a dry erase marker!

And this gets rid of the ribcage!

And this gets rid of the ribcage!

Scalpel, check! Marker, check!

Scalpel, check! Marker, check!

The best part is when DeFalco and Cormier meet up at the end and discuss their next project! A film more brutal than CHAOS…

Let's call it a theory for now...

Let's call it a theory for now...

It’s called THE DEVIL’S DOORWAY and it’s all about their “theory” of how true evil manifests in human beings…through methamphetamines! You see, the meth opens up a doorway to another dimension allowing demons to possess these meth-heads and then these possessed speed freaks commit brutal crimes!

I am not making this up….and I seriously want to see that film…it sound more awesome than awesome!

You are looking at the future of horror, or whatever.

You are looking at the future of horror, or whatever.

So that’s about it….oh, and I totally lost count of how many times DeFalco said the word brutal.

Premio Dardo…Major Award Or Cyber Herpes?

majorprizetelegram

Would you look at that? Looks like me, Mr. Canacorn, is the proud recipient of a Premio Dardo Award! That’s right, my favorite Unkle and Auntie over at Kindertrauma were kind enough to bestow the prestigious P to the D to me (and 4 other awesome bloggers) a few days ago.

Wow…that’s just great…I’m flattered…now…um…what the fuck is it?

dardo-1 Basically, it’s a form of cyber herpe (not to be confused with a space herpe) that us promiscuous bloggers seem to catch by romping all over the damn internet rubbing our cyber junk on every Tom, Dick, and Harry with a blog of their own.

Actually, there’s a better description of The Dart Award over at K-Squared Ramblings if you prefer a little more research and less sarcasm with your explanations….but I’m fond of the whole herpes thing.

Honestly, I am really flattered that the Kindertrauma boys picked me…I mean, if I’m going to catch some sort of cyber herpes from the internet, I can’t think of a nicer couple of guys to get it from.

So, I guess I should make with some viral shedding and recognize 5 other “unique voices and visions on the Web” and “promote fraternization amongst bloggers of all sorts” already.

A-hemAs Mayor of the Altered State of Druggachusetts, I declare these blogs to be…AWESOME!

NUMBER 1: THE NAKED JUNGLE

Make your house a home with the Paul Snider Sex Bench!

Make your house a home with the Paul Snider Sex Bench!


It’s the “Official blog” of Gorillanaut.com, so not only do you get links to movie reviews, but you also get posts about invisible raping gorillas, monsters, and Zebedy Colt!

…um, full disclosure here…I’m friends with Bwana and occasionally write a review or two for G’Naut, but that doesn’t mean I love his blog any more than the next four on this here list…

NUMBER 2: CHRIS’S INVINCIBLE SUPER-BLOG

This really captures the whole spirit of this award, don't cha' think?

This really captures the whole spirit of this award, don't cha' think?


Oh, The ISB…I can’t say enough good things about Chris’s blog…he’s been accused of hilarity, sarcasm, and straight up mockery of comic books and the comic industry, but it’s his unflinching and undying love of the medium that keeps me coming back on a daily basis. Listen up nerds, if you want more Silver Age references than you can shake a Super-Science Stick at, The ISB is the blog for you! Curious about what to buy at ye olde comic shoppe? The ISB has got you covered with The Week In Ink…you get the best reviews of the latest releases and it always comes with a guaranteed kick in the face!

NUMBER 3: LOVE TRAIN FOR THE TENEBROUS EMPIRE

You'll find a god in every golden cloister And if you're lucky then the god's a she

You'll find a god in every golden cloister And if you're lucky then the god's a she

A gay friend once told me that White guys that are only into Asian chicks are at the last stop on the train to Gay Town…and I couldn’t agree more. But what does that have to do with the Tenebrous One’s blog? Um…uh…they both involve trains? Okay, nothing, but I’ve always wanted to get that out on my blog…anyway…back to The Love Train

Just who runs this creepy little corner of the internet? Why it’s your tenebrous hostess, Tenebrous Kate! She’s a Libra that’s into Eurotrash movies, long walks through creepy castles, and she’s got a thing for nuns….She’s a member of The League of Tana Tea Drinkers
and she met a real live Krampus this year! Wow.

Number 4: HOUSE OF SELF-INDULGENCE

Likes taupe

Likes taupe

Okay, okay, I know I’ve been sucking the teet of this blog for weeks now, but I just love it so damn much! Yum-Yum‘s taste in everything from movies to music just warms my cold little heart…and thanks to this site I’ve been turned on to Dallas firecracker and Casa Canacorn official Goddess, Mary Cherry! For that alone, I am eternally at Yum-Yum‘s service.

SSSSHHH…Don’t tell The Wife (or Auntie John), but I think I’m totally cyber crushing on Yum-Yum.

Number 5: ZOMBIE VS SHARK

You know, sometimes with my busy schedule, I don’t have time to read the T.V. Guide…never mind some blog that’s all, “Blah, blah, blah, fucking blah,” all the live long day. Well that’s why someone with a bigger brain than mine made Tumblr.

Blogs on Tumblr are fun and easy, breezy, beautiful, like some sort of cover girl or whatever. And the Christie Brinkley of Tumblr blogs that I visit just happens to belong to Justin.

This young man has a taste for the finer things in life, like, “photography, zombies, Star Wars, rock n’ roll, cupcakes, Godzilla, ninjas, boobs, and explosions.” I can totally get on board with all of the above. Well done, sir…well done.

Whew…and that’s probably the most link heavy post I ever done did. If you have some free time this week, check out these five awesome bloggers for a walk on the wild side…’cause all the colored girls go, “Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo,
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
.”

The New Hotness From G’Naut

what-kind-large Guess what, Boners?

There are some new reviews (actually, I was told by one of my coworkers that they’re not really reviews so much as explaining what happened in a movie…but you know what I mean) over at Gorillanaut!

What’s Gorillanaut, you ask? Well, according to Cedric Washington III of the Angola Times, it’s, “…a delirious treat…grisly but fun.

And according to The Wife, it’s,”…a fun thing for you to do with your buddy since your little buddy-to-be is not done cooking yet.

So, um, basically it’s yet another cult/horror/porn movie site…but this one is different since Bwana Beast and I (under the alias of MoonBoy…I know, sounds kind of gay, but it’s a Jack Kirby reference…Devil Dinosaur anyone? No? Whatever.) waste valuable hours of our lives writing reviews for it.*

And we’ve recently wasted some more valuable hours just for you!

Check out my reviews of all 3 of Larry Cohen’s IT’S ALIVE films!

What a beautiful experience.

What a beautiful experience.

Be sure to feast your eyes on Bwana’s take on WITHOUT WARNING:

It Preys On Human Fear. It Feeds On Human Flesh.

It Preys On Human Fear. It Feeds On Human Flesh.

Bwana also whips out his review of the Satanic Porn classic, THE DEVIL INSIDE HER!

This man has an extremely elastic scrotum.

This man has an extremely elastic scrotum.

Oh, and if reading’s not your thing, we have pictures of naked chicks too.

That’s it for now, see ya’ tomorrow for Fetish Fridays!

*By valuable, I mean spare…and by hours, I mean minutes.

Whatevs 08

Picture Unrelated

Picture Unrelated

Over at Lucky Kitty, The Wife posted some of her favorite “whatevers” of 2008 yesterday.

So now that we know what made Momma happy this past year, what about Daddy?

Here’s a quick list of some of my favorite things:

– Seeing my son wave “hello” to me and The Wife during his ultrasound

– Finally getting my goddamned A in Chemistry

– Reading the best Superman comic ever written: All Star Superman

– Joining Netflix

– Watching this:

– Finally owning one of these:

En garde, I'll let you try my Wu-Tang style

En garde, I'll let you try my Wu-Tang style

Also loves:

– Visiting all the crazy awesome blogs out there on the internet (I’m looking especially at you Kindertrauma)

– Bringing you Fetish Fridays on a semi-regular basis

– Pubic hair’s gradual comeback

– Oh, and porn…and records, vinyl records

It’s a short list, but I think you get a feel for what I was about in 2008…I hope everyone had a great 08 and here’s to a super fine 09!