Rocktober! Day 25

Hoo boy! This is it, kids…the home stretch! The final week of Rocktober!

It’s been a quite a month over here at Awesomeness…I’ve lost some regular readers and gained some new ones thanks to my 31 days dedicated to two of my favorite things. It seems that heavy metal and horror for an entire month can be a bit tedious to some readers who prefer a little more variety from one Mr. Canacorn.

Well, never fear, my little ones…We only have seven days left and then the old Awesomeness you’ve come to love and respect will be back on track.

I hereby promise you the return of, not one, but two old favorites…MAN-UP MONDAYS and FETISH FRIDAYS will be back starting in November!

How you like them apples?!

Okay, now that that’s out of the way…on to the 25th day of (the soon to be over) Rocktober!

Why look who it is? It’s Ronnie James Dio, everybody!

This magical little man has quite a history weaving horrific imagery and metalistic riffage into some of the best heavy metal songs ever written!

Like the one we’re going to watch today. It’s the title track from from Dio’s second album, The Last In Line! This is a record that belongs in everyone’s record collection!

The less said about today’s video the better…it tells it’s own story…

Man-Up Mondays!

Say What? A Man-Up?!

You bet, kids…but it’s a quick one.

You know him, you admire him…hell, some of you heathen monkeys even fear him!

It’s ROGER “RACE” T. BANNON!

A man who cracked wise in the face of danger!

This man was my hero for years. Learn a little something about one of the toughest men to ever be animated!

Man-Up Mondays!

Alright…things have been fruiter than Fruit Stripe Gum over here at Awesomeness for far too long! It’s time I Man-Up myself and put on my heroic-hetero hat, slam a few morning beers, and get back to some he-man type stuff!

So, let’s MAN-UP already! I’m going with a super macho dude this Monday…a real man that can live up to the respect I humbly throw at them with my link-heavy blog posts!

And there’s not many men who are even half the man Andy Sidaris was!

AP photo by SUSAN STERNER

AP photo by SUSAN STERNER

Even though Andy was a sports teevee pioneer, I won’t hold it against him. I mean, he did give the world his Triple B Series of films! What? you’re not familiar with the Three Bs?!

Hold on right there…I’m talking BULLETS, BOMBS, AND BABES, people!

I think anyone who has watched even one of Malibu Bay‘s movies would agree with me when I say, “You will NOT be disappointed with one frame of any of his totally fucking awesome movies!

You have inspired dialogue:

Beautiful locations:

And stunning costumes:

See? What did I tell you?

Be sure to stop by ANDY SIDARIS DOTCOM for more neat stuff!

For some great info on one of Man-Up’s manliest, check out G. Noel Gross’ tribute over at CineSchlock-O-Rama! You wont be disappointed…there’s an interview with Andy and his wife, Arlene, and some awesome Synopsis, Notables, Quoteables, and Timecodes for 8 different movies!

Like this one for ENEMY GOLD! (Which was directed by Andy’s son, Drew…but the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, if you know what I mean…so it still counts!)

Writer/director Drew Sidaris continues the family formula under Andy’s watchful eye. The flick opens in 1865, with a daring Confederate capture of Union gold. Hence “Enemy Gold.” Meanwhile, in contemporary Dallas, Becky Midnite (Suzi Simpson) joins fellow agent and sometime bunk buddy Chris Cannon (Bruce Penhall) on a less than by-the-book coke bust. An exploding crossbow melee later, they’re put on disciplinary leave, and join Mark Barriere on a camping trip in search of that legendary stash of yankee loot. Rodrigo Obregon slithers into the picture as a vengeful Bolivian drug lord so perturbed by the meddling federal do-gooders that he enlists a towering assassin code named “Jewel Panther” (Julie Strain) to erectify, er, rectify matters. Drew’s actually got himself a shockingly comprehensible plot here, punctuated by drool-worthy gratuity by Suzi and her Washington spymaster Tai Collins. Tragically, neither of the ladies returned to the franchise. But snuggled among the copious bonus material is an interview in which buxom Ms. Simpson tells how she landed the role and beams about the joys of strippin’ nekkid in DECEMBER for a (glorious) outdoor shower scene.

Notables: 10 breasts. 34 corpses. Cocaine-stuffed watermelon. Exploding chopper. Hand licking. Catfighting. Diddling. Gratuitous Civil War reenactment.

Quotables: Santiago’s goons clearly have too much time on their hands, “You better be nice to me our I’ll tell Uncle Jessie what you did to that chicken last night!” Ms. Strain emotes, “I’m suffering from a bad case of PMS! I wouldn’t try my patience if I were you!”

Time codes: Ms. Simpson slips into something more deadly (11:05). “Let’s hit the Jacuzzi!” (21:20). Panther slings a sword around while performing a fireside interpretative dance in black leather S&M ware (1:04:52). Suzie and Julie mix it up (1:21:25).
-G. NOEL GROSS

Man-Up Mondays

I have two words this Monday…

HEAT MISER

I’m back in Texas and it’s fucking hot….Fuck you, Heat Miser…you suck.

Man-Up Mondays!

Is he man, mite, imp, or just an all around pain in the ass?

Why he’s all of the above…he’s BATMITE! With all the Bat-hype going on it was just soooo obvious to spotlight Batmite. Joker-schmoker…I’m sure Heath is all great and everything, but I really don’t care about the new Bat-franchise. The first movie left me cold and I have zero desire to see the new one. But if Batmite was in it, that would be a whole ‘nother story!

People seem to treat Batmite like he’s some sort of Scrappy Doo or Cousin Oliver….nothing is further from the truth! If you care to remember, Batmite was created waaaay back in 1959…he wasn’t added later to appeal to a younger audience or inject new life into a sinking title. Oh no, my friends, Batmite was following in the footsteps of such wonderful Pre-Crisis characters like Ace the Bat-Hound and Beppo the Super Monkey!
We’re talking Silver Age greatness here, people. Comics got good and goofy with hearty fistfuls of super-science stories and mind melting artwork before things took a turn for the grim and gritty. Batmite embodies this goofiness, with his unabashed idolizing of The Batman and his ability to fuck most things up in the most ridiculous way. He doesn’t mean to be a fuck-up, he just wants to push Batman to greater heights is all. What good is an idol if he just sits around brooding all day over the death of his parents? None good. Who wants to look up to a boorish, brooding, Murray-Mope-Around? Not Batmite…and not me! Batmite is good for The Batman, I tell you…and I’m not alone in this. Just look at The New Adventures of Batman and Superman and Batman: World’s Funnest..shit, even Frank Miller and Grant Morrison have used our little imp! Don’t believe me? Google that shit, yo!

Say it loud and say it proud, “We Want Batmite!

Man-Up Mondays!

Yesterday’s little infomercial was a small teaser for today’s Man-Up Monday! Check this out…it’s from my buddy, Wiki (he knows so damn much I just can’t stop quoting him all the time)…just to put it into context, he’s discussing the film, MAGNOLIA.

Frank T.J. Mackey, the character that Cruise would play in the film, was based in part on an audio-recording done in an engineering class taught by a friend that was given to Anderson. It consisted of two men, “talking all this trash” about women and quoting a man named Ross Jeffries, who was teaching a new version of the Eric Weber course, “How to Pick Up Women,” but utilizing hypnotism and subliminal language techniques. Anderson transcribed the tape and did a reading with Reilly and Chris Penn. The director then incorporated this dialogue and his research on Jeffries and other self-help gurus into Mackey and his sex seminar.

Hmmmm, I must know more about this Ross Jeffries guy! Where to start? The first link was for his website…seriously, go back and click that shit! This next link is his BLOG…and this link is for his YouTube Channel! Christ, I hit a fucking goldmine for you people!

I know you have some questions…and I’m gonna’ let Ross answer them for you, so fire away.

You: “Is this disrespectful to women?”

Ross: “No…absolutely not! I love, love, LOVE women. Women, when properly communicated with, can be the delights of the universe. It is not disrespectful to give a woman an opportunity to discover that she doesn’t need the outdated courting rituals of the modern world in order to feel that wonderful sense of attraction and connection with a man. AND it is even more wonderful to realize that you can get a woman past what she is “typically” attracted to. As I said on TV, “the problem with a woman going for her “type” is that what is typical never lets her discover the extraordinary, which by definition isn’t what she is expecting”.

You: “Does this course require that I be mean / cruel / a jerk to women? I sure don’t want to do that.”

Ross: “Absolutely, 100% NO! It’s true, most men when they “date” have to choose between being a “bully”…a “jerk” who never gives in or a “supplicant”…a beggar who does ANYTHING a woman wants. My course gives you the option to be a truly gentle-MAN; someone who NEVER bullies or BEGS, but instead structures wonderful opportunities, offers her challenges, and captivates and stimulates her deepest levels of imagination. That’s not being cruel; that’s being awesome. And you deserve to be know how good it feels for you and her to do this.”

Jeeze, guys, Ross is our guest…let’s ease up on the “hard” questions. I’ll take over from here. Uh, Ross, will this work on older women? Younger women? Beautiful women?

Ross:It will work with any woman of any age, plain or gorgeous, as long as she has a mind and an imagination.

Cool! Ross, what is your background for being able to train others in Speed Seduction?

Ross:I’ve been studying hypnosis and Neuro-Linguistic programming for years, but my best answer is: I know how to solve the problem for others, because I had to solve it for myself! There is NO better motivation to get it right than that! I now have students in 14 countries in 8 languages, so I think I’m doing something right. But remember; the best qualifications are real world results! After you’ve had my course, and you look back and see the months of great results with some truly wonderful women…as you feel that feeling of satisfaction deep inside, and really recognize that ordering the course was a great decision, you’ll KNOW for yourself what my best qualifications are: what I teach really works!

Wow. Hey y’all, let’s watch Ross in action!

What’s up with the fundamentals of SPEED SEDUCTION?

Hmmmm, I want to know more about Weasel Phrases. Ross? How can I use a Weasel Phrase when talking to a woman?

Radical! Thanks for stopping by Awesomeness this fine Monday, Ross!

Hey kids, if Ross isn’t your cup of tea, don’t worry, there’s a whole Seduction Community out there! Maybe Neil Strauss or Mystery is more your speed?

Man-Up Mondays!

Another Monday…who’s it gonna’ be today?

I usually spotlight an actor in these posts, but today I’m getting all artsy on your asses. You might be surprised to learn that I am a man who appreciates the finer things in life…painting, sculpture, dance, theater, architecture, printmaking, and fetish photography!

Don’t go getting all weirded out…this isn’t going to be some post about Klismaphilia videos or Urolagnia photos, but something more sensuous and a little more family friendly…but if you’re so inclined…peep here and here for a walk on the wild side.

Whenever in interview a model, I first inspect her legs
from the tip of her toes to the top of her hose.
” -Elmer Batters (1919 -1997)

Ever hear of Elmer Batters? He takes the type of photos I can appreciate…why waste my time looking at Adams’ Monolith when I can feast my eyes on this:

Mr. Batters had an eye for the ladies, I’ll tell you what…but not just any part of the ladies, oh no…Mr. Batters was a leg man all the way. I can respect a man for having such a singular vision. He kept it classy but he also knew how to make his photos a little bit trashy too.

See? Just a touch of trash…enough to keep up with the other Joe’s increasingly risqué (if not downright pornographic) photographs….for a while. The shift to more hardcore images in the men’s magazine industry forced Elmer out for a while…but in the 80s, Leg Show magazine republished his work, introducing him to a younger audience and rekindling the imaginations of the older generation. You can see his influence in the works of Eric Kroll, Ed Fox, and Johnny Jaan along with countless imitators….but know this…Elmer is and was the best!

Be sure to hunt down a copy of FROM THE TIP OF THE TOES TO THE TOP OF THE HOSE (Tashen)…I got mine years ago at Half Price Books for only $30.00! I think it’s a little more pricey nowadays…