80s Prom Awesomeness

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Who's Bad?

Who's Bad?


Well guess which bodacious couple crashed the 80s prom at the Austin Country Club?

If you’re like, “The Canacorns, duh.”

Then I’d be all like, “No shit, Sherlock!”

Of course it was us!

I was a worried that my suit was a little too much early 90s Robert Van Winkle and not enough late 80s Corey Feldman…but no one seemed to notice…so whatevs

The Wife was looking like a stone cold fox…what with the tan lines, crunchy bangs and the 7 month baby belly:

Goin' on a Manhunt!

Goin' on a Manhunt!

And like Mr. and Mrs. H, we looked gorgeous!

Bring On The Dancing Horses

Bring On The Dancing Horses

But we didn’t go alone…oh no…we brought friends! Say hello to Kyle and Ashley Carrington! (See more of these kooks HERE!)

The Way It Is

The Way It Is

We posed for a few pics outside before heading inside Casa Canacorn for a few drinks…

Is it Raining Men?

Is it Raining Men?

Meeting In The Ladie's Room

Meeting In The Ladie's Room

Girls Just Want To Have Fun

Girls Just Want To Have Fun

These boys Like To Party All The Time

These boys Like To Party All The Time

Alright, enough loosening up for the drive…let’s cross the tracks and get our Prom on! And what a fancy prom it was! There was all sorts of booze and snacks…they even had sliders!

Hurts So Good

Hurts So Good

Get Out Of My Dreams And Into My Belly?

Get Out Of My Dreams And Into My Belly?

After chowing down it was time for some authentic 80s dancing to our totally radical 80s cover band, The Neomaxizoomdweebies (Uh, truth be told, I don’t remember what they were called)!

These guys had The Eye Of The Tiger

These guys had The Eye Of The Tiger

Getting Physical!

Getting Physical!

Lets Dance!

Lets Dance!

Maneaters

Maneaters

Even though none of us were crowned King and Queen, we still had a great time…you know, just like the Brat Packers used to have back in the good old 1980s!

Oh, we even got a prom picture!

Just The Two Of Us

Just The Two Of Us

It’s No Fun…

Supergay!

Supergay!

ARGH! When will we ever learn? Always set the dvr to record longer than an hour when American Idol is involved!

Last night’s theme was Songs From The Year They Were Born…and The Wife and I suffered through the mediocrity to get to one contestant:

Adam “Supergay” Lambert!

But did we get to see him? Oh no, my friends! The stupid show ran long…soooooo, I can only guess what Supergay performed…

Let’s see…according to the internets, he’s either 26 or 27…that puts his DOB at 1982 or 1983…

Okay…think, Canacorn, think!

The other contestants bored the shit out of you with tracks by Ben E. King, Don Henley, Tina Turner, Cyndi Lauper, Survivor, Stevie Wonder, and Bonnie fucking Raitt…so it only makes sense that Supergay would up the ante and bring some entertainment and maybe a bit of humor to the proceedings…

But it has to be a song that would really wow the judges…

I got it!

Alright, I’ll cover my bases here and go with a song that was recorded in 1982 and released in 83.

It’s a a light, humorous depiction of the frustrations of being an illegal immigrant in the US…but since it’s a satire, no one should be offended…even if Supergay sings it with a mock-Mexican accent dressed in a huge sombrero and serape, complete with a giant fake mustache and a cute chihuahua in his arms.

So, my guess for Adam “Supergay” Lambert‘s Song From The Year They Were Born is none other than…

Man, am I a genius or what? Wait….he sang Mad World….oh, that kinda’ makes more sense.

How About A Third Fucking Blog, Mr. C?

I told y'all I'm happy to be having a boy, right?

I told y'all I'm happy to be having a boy, right?

Seems like a good idea right?

Well, in a way it kind of is…FOR YOU!

How so,” you ask?

I’ll tell ya’.

The Wife and I are going to be blogging together…all about our journey into parenthood.

See? I can hear you groaning and complaining already…

Well, that’s why we’ve started a whole new blog…the pornography and other not safe for work goodies you’ve come to love and expect from Awesomeness won’t, I repeat, WON’T be sullied by my rambling posts about “how scary it is being a father to be“…or the ridiculously nauseating posts of “look what we’ve done in the baby’s room,” and “we’re so excited to meet our son we can hardly wait!”

It’s called What Have We Done? and you can go visit if you really want to see what’s doing with our pregnancy and our lives. It’s safe for work and safe enough even for our very own parents. Except for some coarse language I can’t think of anything that could be considered objectionable…But you know me, I’m wildly inappropriate, so what the fuck do I know?

So, a recap: Awesomeness and The Bride will stay their usual filth filled selves and What Have We Done? will be boring stuff about our baby and baby related topics written by me and The Wife.

Okay? Sound good? Wanna’ see another pic of a couple of girls that make their daddies proud? You got it!

Look daddy, I made the cover!

Look daddy, I made the cover!

Fetish Fridays! NSF…You Should Know By Now

giant-black-cock Well I was all set to do a Black History Month post for Fetish Fridays this week, but I just can’t do it.

I’m sorry Black Americans…it’s just that I haven’t had a godamned fucking cigarette in days and I’m going out of my godamned fucking mind over here!

I can’t focus…I have no desire to surf the web and cobble together a half decent post for the faithful FF readers…

Oh give me a break, you know what, find your own stupid fucking porn you lazy sacks of shit! What else do you need me to do for this morning?! You need me to come over and grind your fucking coffee for you?! Need more butter on your toast, motherfucker?! Well fuck you, you lucky son of a bitch! I hope you enjoy your fabulous fucking day doing everything you want to fucking do because you’re so fucking awesome….oh my…

…uh, sorry, it’s the cravings talking. I didn’t mean it. I like doing FF for you guys. It’s just that I’ve become a miserable bastard these past few days. The Wife can’t stand me, my coworkers are scared of me…Hell, I’m so sick and tired of all my bitching and moaning I want to punch myself in the fucking dick already.

My brain is seriously fried…the world has become a horrible place…I wish I could show you what I’m going through…I’m confused…disorientated…scared

Oh, okay…peep this…this video is what a typical workday looks like to me without cigarettes:

What the fuck, right? I’m telling you, I’m not right without my smokey friends.

Whoop-dee-do, Mr. Canacorn can’t have a cigarette…I know, I suck…fuck off already. You don’t understand…I’m a fucking mess. You know what I did the other day? I bought The Wife a Valentine’s Day present…it was a cute bunny necklace she really wanted way back in August of last year. Great job, huh? What an awesome husband I am!

Yeah…she liked it so much SHE ALREADY BOUGHT THE DAMN THING FOR HERSELF…MONTHS AGO…AND I’VE SEEN HER WEAR IT…MORE THAN ONCE!!! WHAT THE FUCK, MAN?

Now it’s last minute V-Day shopping with the rest of the fucking lame ass husbands and boyfriends that are forcing themselves to buy something…anything…so they can hopefully get a blowjob on their fucking birthday or so she’ll shut the fuck up already about whatever it is she never shuts the fuck up about. Which fucking sucks, ’cause I’m not like those guys.

See? The moaning and complaining is fucking nauseating. God, why have you forsaken me?!

Okay, one last image before I go to work and suffer for another excruciating 24 hours.

freaksofcock

Premio Dardo…Major Award Or Cyber Herpes?

majorprizetelegram

Would you look at that? Looks like me, Mr. Canacorn, is the proud recipient of a Premio Dardo Award! That’s right, my favorite Unkle and Auntie over at Kindertrauma were kind enough to bestow the prestigious P to the D to me (and 4 other awesome bloggers) a few days ago.

Wow…that’s just great…I’m flattered…now…um…what the fuck is it?

dardo-1 Basically, it’s a form of cyber herpe (not to be confused with a space herpe) that us promiscuous bloggers seem to catch by romping all over the damn internet rubbing our cyber junk on every Tom, Dick, and Harry with a blog of their own.

Actually, there’s a better description of The Dart Award over at K-Squared Ramblings if you prefer a little more research and less sarcasm with your explanations….but I’m fond of the whole herpes thing.

Honestly, I am really flattered that the Kindertrauma boys picked me…I mean, if I’m going to catch some sort of cyber herpes from the internet, I can’t think of a nicer couple of guys to get it from.

So, I guess I should make with some viral shedding and recognize 5 other “unique voices and visions on the Web” and “promote fraternization amongst bloggers of all sorts” already.

A-hemAs Mayor of the Altered State of Druggachusetts, I declare these blogs to be…AWESOME!

NUMBER 1: THE NAKED JUNGLE

Make your house a home with the Paul Snider Sex Bench!

Make your house a home with the Paul Snider Sex Bench!


It’s the “Official blog” of Gorillanaut.com, so not only do you get links to movie reviews, but you also get posts about invisible raping gorillas, monsters, and Zebedy Colt!

…um, full disclosure here…I’m friends with Bwana and occasionally write a review or two for G’Naut, but that doesn’t mean I love his blog any more than the next four on this here list…

NUMBER 2: CHRIS’S INVINCIBLE SUPER-BLOG

This really captures the whole spirit of this award, don't cha' think?

This really captures the whole spirit of this award, don't cha' think?


Oh, The ISB…I can’t say enough good things about Chris’s blog…he’s been accused of hilarity, sarcasm, and straight up mockery of comic books and the comic industry, but it’s his unflinching and undying love of the medium that keeps me coming back on a daily basis. Listen up nerds, if you want more Silver Age references than you can shake a Super-Science Stick at, The ISB is the blog for you! Curious about what to buy at ye olde comic shoppe? The ISB has got you covered with The Week In Ink…you get the best reviews of the latest releases and it always comes with a guaranteed kick in the face!

NUMBER 3: LOVE TRAIN FOR THE TENEBROUS EMPIRE

You'll find a god in every golden cloister And if you're lucky then the god's a she

You'll find a god in every golden cloister And if you're lucky then the god's a she

A gay friend once told me that White guys that are only into Asian chicks are at the last stop on the train to Gay Town…and I couldn’t agree more. But what does that have to do with the Tenebrous One’s blog? Um…uh…they both involve trains? Okay, nothing, but I’ve always wanted to get that out on my blog…anyway…back to The Love Train

Just who runs this creepy little corner of the internet? Why it’s your tenebrous hostess, Tenebrous Kate! She’s a Libra that’s into Eurotrash movies, long walks through creepy castles, and she’s got a thing for nuns….She’s a member of The League of Tana Tea Drinkers
and she met a real live Krampus this year! Wow.

Number 4: HOUSE OF SELF-INDULGENCE

Likes taupe

Likes taupe

Okay, okay, I know I’ve been sucking the teet of this blog for weeks now, but I just love it so damn much! Yum-Yum‘s taste in everything from movies to music just warms my cold little heart…and thanks to this site I’ve been turned on to Dallas firecracker and Casa Canacorn official Goddess, Mary Cherry! For that alone, I am eternally at Yum-Yum‘s service.

SSSSHHH…Don’t tell The Wife (or Auntie John), but I think I’m totally cyber crushing on Yum-Yum.

Number 5: ZOMBIE VS SHARK

You know, sometimes with my busy schedule, I don’t have time to read the T.V. Guide…never mind some blog that’s all, “Blah, blah, blah, fucking blah,” all the live long day. Well that’s why someone with a bigger brain than mine made Tumblr.

Blogs on Tumblr are fun and easy, breezy, beautiful, like some sort of cover girl or whatever. And the Christie Brinkley of Tumblr blogs that I visit just happens to belong to Justin.

This young man has a taste for the finer things in life, like, “photography, zombies, Star Wars, rock n’ roll, cupcakes, Godzilla, ninjas, boobs, and explosions.” I can totally get on board with all of the above. Well done, sir…well done.

Whew…and that’s probably the most link heavy post I ever done did. If you have some free time this week, check out these five awesome bloggers for a walk on the wild side…’cause all the colored girls go, “Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo,
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
.”

Sheeeeeeeit

I found this at Paul Sheer dot com:

sheeeeeeeit

Who knew how much fun you could have with Obamicon.Me?

Oh, The Wife did.

The New Hotness From G’Naut

what-kind-large Guess what, Boners?

There are some new reviews (actually, I was told by one of my coworkers that they’re not really reviews so much as explaining what happened in a movie…but you know what I mean) over at Gorillanaut!

What’s Gorillanaut, you ask? Well, according to Cedric Washington III of the Angola Times, it’s, “…a delirious treat…grisly but fun.

And according to The Wife, it’s,”…a fun thing for you to do with your buddy since your little buddy-to-be is not done cooking yet.

So, um, basically it’s yet another cult/horror/porn movie site…but this one is different since Bwana Beast and I (under the alias of MoonBoy…I know, sounds kind of gay, but it’s a Jack Kirby reference…Devil Dinosaur anyone? No? Whatever.) waste valuable hours of our lives writing reviews for it.*

And we’ve recently wasted some more valuable hours just for you!

Check out my reviews of all 3 of Larry Cohen’s IT’S ALIVE films!

What a beautiful experience.

What a beautiful experience.

Be sure to feast your eyes on Bwana’s take on WITHOUT WARNING:

It Preys On Human Fear. It Feeds On Human Flesh.

It Preys On Human Fear. It Feeds On Human Flesh.

Bwana also whips out his review of the Satanic Porn classic, THE DEVIL INSIDE HER!

This man has an extremely elastic scrotum.

This man has an extremely elastic scrotum.

Oh, and if reading’s not your thing, we have pictures of naked chicks too.

That’s it for now, see ya’ tomorrow for Fetish Fridays!

*By valuable, I mean spare…and by hours, I mean minutes.