Things I Decided Today

Okay, since we’ll never get another episode of ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT…I suggest that Mitchell Hurwitz should hit us up with a spin-off.

Anyone remember the Bill Bixby show from the early 70s called THE MAGICIAN?

Magic, bitches!

Magic, bitches!

It was about a playboy magician that solved crimes…with magic! Pretty rad, right?

A trick is something a whore does for money...

A trick is something a whore does for money...

Well, why not tweak that idea and make it a comedy with Will Arnett reprising his role as GOB as the crime busting illusionist?!

Imagine the hilarity…all the old gang could make cameos…The whole Bluth clan and especially The Hot Cops, Mr. Bananagrabber, and the lovable African-American puppet, Franklin!

I know, I know….I’m practically a fucking genius here….still not sold?

Okay, watch this old intro to THE MAGICIAN but imagine GOB as the titular character instead of Bill Bixby

See what I’m sayin’? I’ll call Hollywood.

Things I Decided Today

With all the big budget films and movie parodies being cranked out by the adult industry, you’d think someone would pull their head out of their ass (or someone’s ass) and finally make this fucking masterpiece already?!

btilv

realbtilvI know BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE VAGINA already exists as a porno…but there’s no evil magician, mysterious underworld, or kung-fu masters in it!

Just an “..interracial cast of petite cuties love having their tight and tasty little vaginas stretched to the limit by men with big dicks. The only trouble is finding them big enough to satisfy the insatiable appetites of these nymphomaniacs!

In addition to all the straight sex, there could be something for everyone…

Imagine a The Three Storms three-way for the gay and bi-curious audience?

You could even have a Gerontophilia (look it up) scene between David Lo Pan and Gracie Law for the more adventurous!

How about a record setting gang bang alleyway scene with the Wing Kong and a lucky green-eyed Chinese lady?

And don’t even get me started on what could be done with this little feller:

guardian

The possibilities are fucking endless…Seriously, someone make this….sheesh.

*Oh, I’m not sure who made the BTILV poster…but someone did, so, thanks whoever you are!

Things I Decided Today

Truth be told, I decided this yesterday….

When a female coworker (in her mid-twenties, no less), wearing a scoop neck shirt showcasing her “necklace” of fresh hickeys, asks a break room full of people if anyone has some chap stick she can borrow, the answer is always, “NO FUCKING WAY“.

Things I Decided Today

Sarah Palin (maybe you’ve heard of her) looks like Tina Fey‘s older, less attractive sister.

But this picture almost makes me kind of like the self ordained Queen Of The Hockey Moms.

Things I Decided Today

Need help with Chemistry?

Just ask a drug dealer.

Thanks Ghost, oh and you too Chef Reakwon!

Awesome sample by Jimmy Van & Richard Hieronymus!

Things I Decided Today

Jesus, Em, I’ve seen better haircuts on a certain humanoid race from the planet Romulus in the Beta Quadrant.

(With absolutely NO apologies to Auntie John.)

Things I Decided Today

Another NSFW thought by little ol’ me!

I really have to agree with FatFuckFrank (from The Pirate Bay torrent site) when he said, “goddam, her clit/pussy looks like a bassett hound’s face,” about Denise Masino….

…but I still love ya, Denise.

And I’m dying to watch this movie: