Belated Post For Belated Gifts

I’ve been dying to post about some of the birthday gifts I received this year, but school (damn you, Chemistry) and work (damn you, ACL festival) have been keeping me more than busy. The Wife did a bang up job as usual and many thanks to my parents for sending some vintage 60s Playboy Magazines (they know their son so well)…but the real treat was a belated package from none other than my friend and depraved creator of Gorillanaut, Bwana Beast!

You know when you get a package from the G’Naut Compound that it’s going to be filled with so much awesomeness your head will spin! First up is the radical drawing of Optimus Prime and Bumblebee by one of Bwana’s sons…I’m assuming it was done by his oldest…notice the attention to detail on these old school 80s Autobots from the planet Cybertron! Way to go Lil’ Bwana…this was my favorite gift in the package your old man sent me!

Next up, 1988s amazing first issue of Gordon Shumway…er, I mean, ALF! If you thought the show was genius, just wait until you see what writer, Michael Gallagher and artist Dave Manak do with these iconic characters! I’ll have you comic nerds know, this is in mint condition and arrived boarded and bagged! I’ll also have you comic nerds know, I plan on folding it in half, shoving it in my back pocket, and taking it with me to the ACL festival…forever devaluing it below cover price! Ha!

If there’s one thing I love more than ALF, it’ gotta’ be ladies wrestling! And nothing says sexy wrasslin’ better than Jackie Stallone‘s television masterpiece, Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling! Y’all remember GLOW, right? I guess it’s really no surprise Bwana threw in an issue of the short lived magazine for GLOW…we are, of course, a couple of men that appreciate the finer things in life, like literature, ladies, and lycra. It’s difficult to really explain in words why GLOW is so awesome…so peep this:


See the rest of the match HERE…Dallas gets a blowtorch to her face…seriously! Wow.

Bwana sent one more awesome piece of reading material…SLUGS by Shaun Hutson!

They slime, the ooze, they kill…One female slug can lay one and half million eggs a year- a fact which holds terrifying consequences for the people of Merton. As the town basks in the summer heat, a new breed of slug is growing and multiplying. In the waist-high grass, in the dank, dark cellars they are acquiring new tastes, new cravings. For blood. For flesh. Human flesh…

I just started it the other day and even though I’m only one chapter in, I’ve decided it fucking rules! Normally, this is a book I could finish in a day or so, but as I stated earlier, stupid school is taking up so much of my time…

Peep the synopsis HERE!

And finally we have a a total of seven dvds form the G’Naut vaults…the import section no less!

Bwana says,”I sent movies from my import shelf so it wouldn’t be stuff you could get through netflix, except for The Magic Sword, which is just cool. Devadam is a Turkish superhero flick with El Santo and Captain America fighting a evil Spider-Man.

So other than, The Magic Sword and Devadam, I’m also the proud owner of:

Deathship
Rituals
Deathstalker
Morgus: Frankenstein Meets The Wolf Man
[rec]

Wow! Pretty awesome, huh?

So, thanks again to everyone for another awesome birthday…and an extra big thanks to Bwana, for the most amazing grab bag of awesomeness! Now if only I had the time to enjoy all my new cool stuff!

What, No Frakkin’ Daggit?!

Forty years ago, some human-types made some robots to do all their shitty work around the Twelve Colonies…the robots, you may know them as Cylons, got all pissy and didn’t feel like doing windows or whatever and rebelled. A big ol’ fight broke out between the humans and the Cylons and a young boy’s daggit (that’s space talk for dog) totally got crushed by some rocks. The kid got all bent out of shape over his dead lil’ buddy so some space scientist made him a robot daggit…

I know, you’d think they would have learned after the other robots they made rebelled, but I guess humans just aren’t so smart…anyway, this kid and his daggit got into all sorts of cool adventures all over the universe in a little late 70s show called, BATTLESTAR GALACTICA!

Got all that? Good. Now on to today’s post!

The Wife and I have been watching the newly re-imagined BSG for the past week….Wha? The Wife is watching a space show about a boy and his robot dog?! Sadly, no. The Wife (and I) are watching a space show NOT about a boy and his robotic dog. It seems the creators of BSG decided to drop the whole Muffit II storyline and focus on sex, political intrigue, Mormonism, sex, terrorism, and some more sex. What the frak?

I tried explaining Muffit II to The Wife, but she seemed more interested in the Sexy Cylon’s evil plans than some missing robo-dog. I even pulled out my DVD of the original 1978 TV movie…”Look, there he is on the box…down in the right hand corner!”

The Wife looks at the box and deadpans, “Hmmm, ALF was on the show?”

ALF? ALF? ALF was a damnable hand puppet and a pair of furry gloves for Christ’s sake! Sure, sure, we all know Michu Meszaros had to occasionally hump it in that stupid ALF suit every once in a blue moon but do you know how BSG brought Muffit II to life?

THEY STUFFED A FUCKING CHIMPANZEE INSIDE OF THAT FUCKING SUIT, THAT’S HOW!



Holee-shit! Now that’s what I call a commitment to excellence! Frak you, Paul Fusco!

Anyway, the new BSG is pretty cool…I just wish it had some frakkin’ daggits is all.

Girl Homo!

So, you think you like porn? Or maybe you think you hate porn.

You think you’ve seen it all thanks to the interweb. I mean, you sat through 2 Girls 1 Cup without even closing your eyes once, right? You even watched that crazy Mr. Hands video….hopefully, you regret watching Mr. Hands…but, hey, I’m not here to judge you.

I remember when getting your hot little hands on a dirty magazine or a porn video was akin to Sir Percival’s quest to obtain even a glimpse of the Holy Grail. Now a days, any horny 16 year old with a pc can witness the tragicomic events of a sexed up Furry Convention or worse, Japanese porn! What the hell is a teenager…or an adult for that matter…supposed to make of a woman with pixelized genitalia getting it on with a cephalopod while 15 guys in tighty whities gang bang a couch in the background?! Japan, man….2 big bombs…1 little island…*shudder*

The point I’m trying to make is, “What in the hell happened to just watching a regular ol’ pornographic movie?”

“Well, regular porn is just too boring now.”

“I need something different. Something new. Something wild!”

“But I’m not into extreme fisting (isn’t all fisting kind of extreme?) or all the pee and poo today’s interweb porn seems to offer.”

I agree.

Never fear, Mr. Canacorn is here to help! Ever heard of Rinse Dream? He created a a wonderfully weird world of porn with the help of Jerry Stahl (yes, the Alf guy) in the 80s and early 90s.

In fact, he gave the world Jeanna Fine’s greatest performance with PARTY DOLL A GO-GO parts 1 and 2…and she’s worked!

Here, see if this looks like something you’ve never seen in an adult movie before:

Now imagine all that plus some adult hanky panky thrown in for a little extra spice….granted, Party Doll isn’t for everyone…actually, most hardcore porndogs hate it, but then, what the hell do they know about art anyway?

So, if you’re a porn-pro looking for something different or a curious dabbler with the hankering for some surreal naughty fun, I suggest you check out Rinse Dream’s masterpiece: PARTY DOLL A GO-GO sooner than later….you can thank (or hate) me later.