Two For Tuesdays

And you were expecting something awesome?

Oh crap, what day is it?

Tuesday?!

Wow, way to disappoint Canacorn…a whole week since your last post?

Heh.

Um..about that…I’m just lazy I guess.

So with that being said, I might as well keep this blog-train a rollin’ straight past disappointment and into complete and total failure…

Who’s hungry for some TACO*!?!?

Anyone?

Okay, okay…I get it, you’re worried I’m gonna’ hit you up with Puttin’ On The Ritz? Believe me, I was tempted, but you should have a little more faith in your ol’ buddy.

Let’s kick things off with, Under My Tight Skin!

Oh Taco, you ARE awesome!

What else you got for us today?

How about, Tell Me That You Like It (I’d like to dedicate the top and hairdo worn by the announcer at the beginning of this video to my pal, Yum-Yum, and the fabulous dancers to my Auntie John!)

Man, these live performances are truly works of art! I love how the post-Ritz-Taco is this bizarre combination of Wayne Newton and Perez Hilton!

I just have to play one more video…if only to thoroughly disgust Bwana and completely piss off Myrtle:

Last stop: Heart Break City

There’s your daily awesome for today….thank me later….

Canacorn out!

*No, One Night In Bangkok is not a Taco song…That’s

Premio Dardo…Major Award Or Cyber Herpes?

majorprizetelegram

Would you look at that? Looks like me, Mr. Canacorn, is the proud recipient of a Premio Dardo Award! That’s right, my favorite Unkle and Auntie over at Kindertrauma were kind enough to bestow the prestigious P to the D to me (and 4 other awesome bloggers) a few days ago.

Wow…that’s just great…I’m flattered…now…um…what the fuck is it?

dardo-1 Basically, it’s a form of cyber herpe (not to be confused with a space herpe) that us promiscuous bloggers seem to catch by romping all over the damn internet rubbing our cyber junk on every Tom, Dick, and Harry with a blog of their own.

Actually, there’s a better description of The Dart Award over at K-Squared Ramblings if you prefer a little more research and less sarcasm with your explanations….but I’m fond of the whole herpes thing.

Honestly, I am really flattered that the Kindertrauma boys picked me…I mean, if I’m going to catch some sort of cyber herpes from the internet, I can’t think of a nicer couple of guys to get it from.

So, I guess I should make with some viral shedding and recognize 5 other “unique voices and visions on the Web” and “promote fraternization amongst bloggers of all sorts” already.

A-hemAs Mayor of the Altered State of Druggachusetts, I declare these blogs to be…AWESOME!

NUMBER 1: THE NAKED JUNGLE

Make your house a home with the Paul Snider Sex Bench!

Make your house a home with the Paul Snider Sex Bench!


It’s the “Official blog” of Gorillanaut.com, so not only do you get links to movie reviews, but you also get posts about invisible raping gorillas, monsters, and Zebedy Colt!

…um, full disclosure here…I’m friends with Bwana and occasionally write a review or two for G’Naut, but that doesn’t mean I love his blog any more than the next four on this here list…

NUMBER 2: CHRIS’S INVINCIBLE SUPER-BLOG

This really captures the whole spirit of this award, don't cha' think?

This really captures the whole spirit of this award, don't cha' think?


Oh, The ISB…I can’t say enough good things about Chris’s blog…he’s been accused of hilarity, sarcasm, and straight up mockery of comic books and the comic industry, but it’s his unflinching and undying love of the medium that keeps me coming back on a daily basis. Listen up nerds, if you want more Silver Age references than you can shake a Super-Science Stick at, The ISB is the blog for you! Curious about what to buy at ye olde comic shoppe? The ISB has got you covered with The Week In Ink…you get the best reviews of the latest releases and it always comes with a guaranteed kick in the face!

NUMBER 3: LOVE TRAIN FOR THE TENEBROUS EMPIRE

You'll find a god in every golden cloister And if you're lucky then the god's a she

You'll find a god in every golden cloister And if you're lucky then the god's a she

A gay friend once told me that White guys that are only into Asian chicks are at the last stop on the train to Gay Town…and I couldn’t agree more. But what does that have to do with the Tenebrous One’s blog? Um…uh…they both involve trains? Okay, nothing, but I’ve always wanted to get that out on my blog…anyway…back to The Love Train

Just who runs this creepy little corner of the internet? Why it’s your tenebrous hostess, Tenebrous Kate! She’s a Libra that’s into Eurotrash movies, long walks through creepy castles, and she’s got a thing for nuns….She’s a member of The League of Tana Tea Drinkers
and she met a real live Krampus this year! Wow.

Number 4: HOUSE OF SELF-INDULGENCE

Likes taupe

Likes taupe

Okay, okay, I know I’ve been sucking the teet of this blog for weeks now, but I just love it so damn much! Yum-Yum‘s taste in everything from movies to music just warms my cold little heart…and thanks to this site I’ve been turned on to Dallas firecracker and Casa Canacorn official Goddess, Mary Cherry! For that alone, I am eternally at Yum-Yum‘s service.

SSSSHHH…Don’t tell The Wife (or Auntie John), but I think I’m totally cyber crushing on Yum-Yum.

Number 5: ZOMBIE VS SHARK

You know, sometimes with my busy schedule, I don’t have time to read the T.V. Guide…never mind some blog that’s all, “Blah, blah, blah, fucking blah,” all the live long day. Well that’s why someone with a bigger brain than mine made Tumblr.

Blogs on Tumblr are fun and easy, breezy, beautiful, like some sort of cover girl or whatever. And the Christie Brinkley of Tumblr blogs that I visit just happens to belong to Justin.

This young man has a taste for the finer things in life, like, “photography, zombies, Star Wars, rock n’ roll, cupcakes, Godzilla, ninjas, boobs, and explosions.” I can totally get on board with all of the above. Well done, sir…well done.

Whew…and that’s probably the most link heavy post I ever done did. If you have some free time this week, check out these five awesome bloggers for a walk on the wild side…’cause all the colored girls go, “Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo,
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
.”

What To Wear On Halloween?

Thanks to My most favoritest Auntie and Unkle over at KINDERTRAUMA, I have found the perfect costume for myself this year! That’s it, right there on your left! Isn’t it the most awesome thing you’ve ever seen?

I’ve expressed my love for William Friedkin‘s CRUISING for decades…and I never knew they actually made a Halloween costume for deep, deep, and I do mean deep, undercover officer, Steve Burns!

Oh, and get this, it has assless chaps! Super-sweet!

Since I don’t have a time machine to zap myself back to a Woolworth’s in 1980, I guess I’ll be trolling ebay for the best Halloween costume ever made! And to think I was going to be an Indian this year…

What are you guys going as this year? Need some ideas? Be sure to check out the rest of The 10 Worst Halloween Costumes only at Kindertrauma, of course!

Blue Jeans And Better Scenes

My wackadoodle Auntie and Unkle have done it again over at Kindertrauma. I know, I know, I’ve practically become a fucking commercial for their website, but it’s just that damn awesome!

I recently submitted a “NAME THAT TRAUMA” to the Kindertrauma Castle hoping to help out a coworker of mine….and uh, the sheer brilliance that came pouring out of my Auntie’s mind is nothing short of breathtaking. Seriously. Go and click the pretty pink words in this paragraph.

Now.

Okay…you see what I’m talking about? Never mind that one of the awesome Kindertrauma readers figured out what movie my coworker was looking for…the whole B.J. AND THE BEAR riffing made my weekend.

And it got me thinking about B.J. AND THE BEAR…remember the intro? man, the song is fucking killer!

BJ AND THE BEAR

I really thought the lyrics were “Blue jeans and better scenes“, but turns out they’re “New dreams and better scenes“…no offense to the super talented, Glen A. Larson, but don’t my lyrics sound way more awesome? The answer is yes. Anyway…

You can’t talk about B.J. (Billie Joe) McKay and his buddy, Bear, without mentioning Sheriff Lobo! Remember his show? Sure you do! It was called THE MISADVENTURES OF SHERIFF LOBO! Remember? No? Here’s the opening:

MISADVENTURES OF SHERIFF LOBO

How ’bout that gratuitous ass shot in the opening?! TeeVee ruled when I was a kid!

Speaking of TeeVee shows I loved as a kid, but no one seems to remember…anyone else out there remember the DUKES OF HAZZARD spinoff, ENOS? You see, Enos (the bumbling Deputy Sheriff) joins a Special Branch of the Los Angeles Police and partners up with a cool Black cop named Turk (Samuel E. Wright, the voice of Sebastian in Disney’s The Little Mermaid). Every episode was book ended by Enos writing a letter to Daisy Duke (his one true love) back in Hazzard County, telling her about all his awesome adventures in wild and crazy LA!

I’ve been all over the damn internet trying to find the intro. I can’t remember how the theme went, but I do remember the end of the opening…Enos and Turk take down some bad guys and Turk puts out his hand for a “gimme five” and Enos, God bless him, slaps a “thumbs up” right in the palm of Turk’s hand!

STOP THE PRESSES!!!!!

Thanks to Sonny Shroyer’s official website, I have found the intro!

Peep that shit right HERE! Click that link and scroll down…you’ll see a link for the Enos series, click it and be amazed by the intro to Enos!

And I’ll do you one better! Click HERE to see the closing credits which run over the fabled White thumbs up in the Black gimme five salute…which is possibly the most inspiring image ever put on television!

Wow. Thanks internet for truly having everything I really need!

Why Am I So Fucked Up?

Well, according to most doctor and science types, it has something to do with my childhood. All of my problems, fears, and hang-ups are thanks to the endless hours of tee-vee watching I did as a little guy…filling my head with all sorts of horrors…slowly molding me into the maladjusted some-bitch that I am today.

But wait! I’m not alone….it seems like we all received unhealthy doses of mind warping trauma…and some evil geniuses have decided to blog about it…


KINDERTRAUMA

“KINDERTRAUMA is about the movies, books, and toys that scared you when you were a kid. It’s also about kids in scary movies, both as heroes and villains. And everything else that’s traumatic to a tyke!

Through reviews, stories, artwork, and testimonials, we mean to remind you of all the things you once tried so hard to forget…”

Which reminds me of 1983..I was eleven and didn’t scare easily, but this freaked my shit: