LOST 90210

Okay, here’s the thing…The Wife and I have NOT been watching this season of LOST. Well, we started watching it then there was this whole writer’s strike thing…we got into THE WIRE, BSG, and then Season 4 of BEVERLY HILLS 90210 came out on dvd…

Hold it right there! That’s right, you heard me! We are not watching LOST because we are too busy watching 90210. Don’t act all shocked and judgmental.

First, we are letting the final LOST episodes stack up in our dvr so we can watch them in a big chunk after the season ends…and second, 90210 is one of the greatest shows that has ever been on tee-vee! Yes, I said it..and I fucking mean it, so back off.

Besides, I’ve been kind of cheating with LOST thanks to THE NAKED JUNGLE’S weekly LOST blogs…check ’em out.

Anyway, with all the grief The Wife and I have been getting about 90210 vs. LOST it got us thinking….

Aren’t LOST and 90210 basically the same shows? Seriously…let’s take a look at our cast of characters, shall we?

First up, locations….
THE ISLAND….this is easy….BEVERLY HILLS.
THE HATCH…..THE PEACH PIT
THE BEACH CAMP….WEST BEVERLY HIGH
THE OTHER’S CAMP….THE BEACH HOUSE

Now on to the casts….
(The list is far from complete and maybe even flawed…if you have a better pairing of LOST and 90210 characters, please let me know.)

JACK….BRANDON (smug, self righteous, star)
SAWYER….DYLAN (bad boy to the extreme)
KATE….KELLY (annoying, flawed, love interest)
SAYID….JESSE (torture…pure torture)
CHARLIE….DAVID (punk ass kid)
CLAIRE….DONNA (not the sharpest knife in the drawer)
JULIET….BRENDA (pain in the ass bitch)
LOCKE….STEVE (always up to trouble…and a Mr. Canacorn favorite on both shows)
ANNA LUCIA….VALERIE (just dropping in to cause some trouble)
MICHAEL….MRS. TEASLEY (uh, you know…concerned about kids)
WALT….DESHAUN (okay, it’s hard to find black people on 90210)
SUN….CINDY WALSH (kind of there…no one really cares about your storyline)
JIN….JIM WALSH (see above)
HURLEY….ANDREA (fatty, fatty, 2×4, can’t fit through the kitchen door)
VINCENT….ROCKY II (dogs)
SMOKE MONSTER….EMILY VALENTINE (scary and mysterious)
BEN….NAT (THE MAN, THE MYTH…JOE E. TATA!) (the real stars of the shows)

So, we were stumped on a few characters…give us a break, it’s early and the pot of coffee is only half empty…but you can help! Just comment below and let’s get this list revised and completed!

LOST 90210

What, No Frakkin’ Daggit?!

Forty years ago, some human-types made some robots to do all their shitty work around the Twelve Colonies…the robots, you may know them as Cylons, got all pissy and didn’t feel like doing windows or whatever and rebelled. A big ol’ fight broke out between the humans and the Cylons and a young boy’s daggit (that’s space talk for dog) totally got crushed by some rocks. The kid got all bent out of shape over his dead lil’ buddy so some space scientist made him a robot daggit…

I know, you’d think they would have learned after the other robots they made rebelled, but I guess humans just aren’t so smart…anyway, this kid and his daggit got into all sorts of cool adventures all over the universe in a little late 70s show called, BATTLESTAR GALACTICA!

Got all that? Good. Now on to today’s post!

The Wife and I have been watching the newly re-imagined BSG for the past week….Wha? The Wife is watching a space show about a boy and his robot dog?! Sadly, no. The Wife (and I) are watching a space show NOT about a boy and his robotic dog. It seems the creators of BSG decided to drop the whole Muffit II storyline and focus on sex, political intrigue, Mormonism, sex, terrorism, and some more sex. What the frak?

I tried explaining Muffit II to The Wife, but she seemed more interested in the Sexy Cylon’s evil plans than some missing robo-dog. I even pulled out my DVD of the original 1978 TV movie…”Look, there he is on the box…down in the right hand corner!”

The Wife looks at the box and deadpans, “Hmmm, ALF was on the show?”

ALF? ALF? ALF was a damnable hand puppet and a pair of furry gloves for Christ’s sake! Sure, sure, we all know Michu Meszaros had to occasionally hump it in that stupid ALF suit every once in a blue moon but do you know how BSG brought Muffit II to life?

THEY STUFFED A FUCKING CHIMPANZEE INSIDE OF THAT FUCKING SUIT, THAT’S HOW!



Holee-shit! Now that’s what I call a commitment to excellence! Frak you, Paul Fusco!

Anyway, the new BSG is pretty cool…I just wish it had some frakkin’ daggits is all.