Fetish Fridays! NSFW Periodontics Edition

lh Hey boners! What’s shakin’?

Yeah, yeah, I hear that….”Another day another dollar…Time to make the donuts….Blah, blah, fucking blah…

Well hold on there pardnersit’s Friday…and aside from being alright for fighting…it means…oh wait, that’s Saturday…damn…

Uh, anyway…what I’m getting at is, it’s time to break you out of your humdrums and talk about some fetish of some sort! And if you couldn’t tell by the scrumptious picture of Lauren Hutton on the left side of your monitor, today’s topic is teeth!

But not just any type of teeth…oh no, my friends…only the ones with a gap right smack dab in the middle of those big ol’ central incisors is good enough for this Friday!

80616_Heather-Parisi-7-17_122_438loWe’re strictly talking lucky teeth, or as the French like to say, “dents du bonheur“!

I know the topic of diastema is a bit tame compared to some of my past FF entries…but it is one that puts a smile on my face (and by smile, I mean erection..and by face, I mean penis…so what I think I’m trying to say is, “The enlarged and firm state of my penis…is the result of a complex interaction of psychological, neural, vascular and endocrine factors, that is usually, though not exclusively, associated with gap toothed women.

Oh crap…now you’re picturing me and my amazing, incredible, expandable, blood filled erectile tissues….This is getting awkward…Uh…let’s move on…

So anyway, I was reading a review for ONCE BITTEN over at THE HOUSE OF SELF-INDULGENCE the other day (seriously, it’s the best review I’ve ever read for ONCE BITTEN…check it out) and even though Yum-Yum made no mention of it, all I kept thinking about was Ms. Hutton’s delectable diastema!

bella And it got me thinking about some other gap toothed ladies…Brigitte Bardot, Jorja Fox, Anna Paquin, Béatrice Dalle…man, there’s a whole bunch of ’em out there…

And get this…some of ’em even do the pornographies!

It’s true!

Which is kind of fitting…you know, because of the whole Canterbury Talesgap-toothed wife of Bath, middle-aged woman with insatiable lust” rumor that the “firste fyndere of our fair langage” and loveable scamp, Geoffrey Chaucer, started waaay back in the 14th century!

There’s Belladonna, Naudia Nyce, Pepper Foxx, Chase Taylor, and hundreds of other starlets in waiting flashing their gapes and their gaps all over the internets!

naudiaSo wouldn’t it be a great idea to have some sort of specialty fetish website for the appreciation of gap toothed women?

Of course it’s a great idea! So what the fuck, internets?! Where’s my diastema fetish site?!

No matter where I turn, I can find a fetish specific website for just about every sub-genre of porn…everything except this one.

You want clips and pictures of mature, BBW, amateur, hirsute honeys giving blowjobs to tattooed European gentlemen with big cocks that end in Roman Showers?

You got it! The internet provides!

But a guy wants some hot enamel action and he gets nothin’.

chase I guess there’s just not much of a demand for teeth porn….which is kind of sad really…I mean, look at this picture…

What kind of world do we live in that I can’t see this young thing try and fit those two big, bulbous heads on that soft, sensuous, smooth and sturdy 18 inch veined dildo between the contacts of her perfectly spaced maxillary central incisors?

A disappointing world…that’s what kind.

Seriously, internets, I’m gonna’ have to stop this whole Fetish Fridays dance if you can’t deliver the goods…I know we only do this FF thing (almost) once a week, but my feelings of dissatisfaction that follow your constant failures is really starting to take its toll.

So think about it…we’ll talk next Friday.

Canacorn, out!

Who You Gonna’ Call?

Ok, I’ve heard of demonic possession and I’ve heard of haunted homes, cars, trails, graveyards…Hell, I’m even familiar with haunted asses (NSFW)…but a haunted vagina?

You’ve got to be kidding me…

Nope.

No joke.

There’s totally a haunted vagina out there and I had no idea!

Jim was never breast fed as a baby

Jim was never breast fed as a baby

Well, until I read about it at The ISB yesterday. This haunted vagina is the brainchild of comic creator and (I can only assume) chronic masturbator, Jim Balent! Who is this Jim? What is he about? I must know more about the man who set the world on fire with his haunted vagina…

TO THE INTERNET!!

Balent usually draws women with extremely large breasts. Increasingly, he has drawn the majority of his women completely naked.” –Wikipedia

…I was really into Frank Miller’s run on Daredevil, and I just ate up all the ninja stories. I even did research. It even sort of threw me into the martial arts world where I became a 2nd degree brown belt in karate.” -Jim in a 2002 interview with The Trades

He had a “secret Wiccan Star Wars wedding” at the Hard Rock Hotel in Orlando. His wife wore a metal bikini and he dressed up as Darth Vader…check out the wedding photos!

Okay, I think I’ve heard enough.

Let’s see…

Loves to draw big tits.

Actually did “research” on Ninjas and made it all the way to a brown belt in karate.

Is into Wicca (just to get laid, I’m sure…only chicks dig Wicca).

Dressed up as Darth Vader on his wedding day.

Oh, he’s a 15 year old nerd trapped in a grown man’s body.

‘Cause only a 15 year old nerd could have come up with this:

Image courtesy of www.the-isb.com

Image courtesy of http://www.the-isb.com

A Very Penus Christmas

Who's the blockhead now, Lucy?

Who's the blockhead now, Lucy?

You know, I’ve never really been a big fan of Charles M. Schulz‘s so-called “psychologically complex” and “indelible” comic strip, Peanuts.

Actually, the comic strip that ran during the 50s does contain some beautiful art and decent writing (not as good as Andy Capp though…heh, Andy Capp…his name’s a pun on handicap…oh, man…)…it’s the Peanuts from the 70s and 80s that I really just didn’t get then and certainly don’t get now.

Oh settle down you fucking jackals!
Like that’s the worst thing you’ve ever heard? It’s not like I professed my love for murdering children and raping old ladies! I just never got into some stupid cartoon about some depressed bald kid who had shitty friends and boring adventures.

I mean, really? Why watch that when I could watch something like this?

Did you see that? Savagery, Super-Science, and Sorcery!

Fucking Thundarr rules!

But I digress…Back to that blockhead, Charlie Brown. Maybe I could give Charlie another chance..but only if it wasn’t animated, had porn star, Belladonna, as Lucy, was written and directed by James Gunn, contained some sex, and ended with Charlie Brown systematically slaughtering every last one of these incredibly boring Schulz characters.

Sound too good to be true?

Feast your eyes on this this:

Now that’s what I’m talking about! Thanks, Mr. Gunn, for making this a wonderful Christmas after all!