Gorillanaut <3s Films For Little Girls!

Gorillanaut is totally changing up their image…seriously. From now on we’ll only be reviewing films intended for tweens and/or prepubescent girls! HOORAY FOR GORILLANAUT!!

Now we’ll finally get all the internet action…especially on our chat boards (or wherever guys go to meet young girls so they can help them with their homework)!

I got all in touch with my inner nine year old girl and reviewed two totally awesome movies!



Of course our resident big girl started this whole new direction for G’naut by reviewing…


Oh, and if you’re not a little girl there is no reason to watch any of these films…not even to masturbate to…seriously.

They do this every year?

Ah, The Super Bowl…every year it happens…and every year I think the same thing, “Boy, I sure do hate sports.”

I also think this during The World Series and The Basketball Playoff thing-a-ma-jigger.

Sports just don’t interest me. I didn’t grow up in a house where sports were important….books, yes, sports, no. I’ve tried to watch sports, hell, I even watched the Super Bowl once…and only because it had a cool theme song that year:

Christ, those guys had talent!

Just because I don’t care for sports doesn’t mean I don’t have friends that do. The Wife and I were even invited to a Super Bowl party this year…what we would do there is beyond me, so we politely declined. Truthfully, we’ll be busy painting the walls of our deck today…you should see it, three equal horizontal chunks of clam chowder, warm muffin, and spice berry…these colors are going to offset the subtle natural cedar stain of the deck beautifully…trust me.

Anyway, back to The Super Bowl…The Wife and I have been known to tune in for the half time show. It’s usually some big train wreck of a production, but as purveyors of badness, it is our duty to witness the horror.

You know, not all half time shows have been bad:

“…gonna have you naked by the end of this song,” indeed.

In case anyone forgot, Prince is one hell of a guitar player.

But this year we get…..Tom Petty?!

Are we partying, or are we just hanging out?

What the fuck is Old Tom going to bring to the table? Boooooring! At least when Aerosmith was performing they had a little help so as not to embarrass themselves. (That’s sarcasm, just in case you didn’t know.)

Who knows, maybe the production dream team behind that mess will jazz up the train to Tom Petty-town. (Fun fact: A shirtless Matthew McConaughey at the ACL Fest asked The Wife if the golf cart she was driving was “the train to Tom Petty-town.”…what a douche.)

So, even though we won’t be watching the big game this year, or Tivoing the high-larious commercials, we will suffer through another half time fiasco and we promise to keep it real and root for America’s favorite team, The Dallas Cowboys!

Go Cowboys!