Buy Yourself Something Pretty

Oh man, I know I haven’t been talking about my all time most favoritest show ever in the whole wide world in like, forever, but I just couldn’t let the episode we watched last night go by without comment.

I’ll give you a quick update just so you know where we’re at!

Sixth Season…Dylan is out after the assassination of his wife (I know, crazy, right?!). Donna‘s finally rid of ol’ love ’em and push ’em down the stairs, Ray Pruit, and has hooked up with Joe, the virgin football star that has that heart problem. Brandon is dating the Andrea-ish feminazi, Susan (gag). David is dating the most awesome, Valerie Malone (seriously, she’s become one of the best reasons to watch “The After High School Years” seasons). Steve is dating Creepy Crossed-eyed Clare (who’s face is seriously starting to piss me off this season)…

No really, Clare’s face has become a bigger distraction than Donna’s cleavage for me…Do you even remember what she looks like? No? Here, I’ll jog your memory:

Creepy Cross-eyed Clare Arnold

Creepy Cross-eyed Clare Arnold

Blagh! What the fuck is up with her eyes?!

Anyway…where was I? Oh, the best part! Kelly is dating the coke head artist, Colin. You know how Kelly’s all judgmental and bitchy and so not okay with cocaine because her mom was a total druggie fuck-up, right? Well, this is the season when little miss goody-goody gets all depressed over her shitty parents and goes balls to the wall…snorting up all the snow in Beverly Hills she can cram up her weird tiny nose!

But before the coke bender we have The Wife‘s most favorite scene evah! Kelly’s dad promised to move back to 90210, but he’s a flake (just like her mom) and decides to not move back because of some textiles deal or whatever. He has a flower arrangement and a card sent to Kelly as an apology for letting her down…again. Inside the card is a half ass “I’m So Sorry Note” and one check for three thousand dollars…you know, so Kelly can buy herself something pretty. Well, that totally pushes our gal over the edge…and this happens!

Buy yourself something pretty...

Buy yourself something pretty...

Like a scarf...

Like a scarf...

Or a pashmina...

Or a pashmina...

Or a Marc Jacobs bag...

Or a Marc Jacobs bag...

How 'bout some sexy lingerie...

How 'bout some sexy lingerie...

Or a pair of Jimmy Choos...

Or a pair of Jimmy Choos...

Or a shit-ton of more coke?  Thanks, dad.

Or a shit-ton of more coke? Thanks, dad.

Fuck yes! You know what this deserves?

The full on 5 Spaghetti Cat Rating of THE AWESOMEST!

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…and George Burns as Mr. Kite

If you’re familiar with the above credit, then you are no stranger to the film, SGT. PEPPER’S LONELY HEARTS CLUB BAND and it’s soundtrack. If not, click here and then come back to this post.

Pretty cool, huh? Now some would say that this film is some sort of travesty or sin against mankind…I am not one of those people. I even own 2 copies of the soundtrack…

Why 2 copies? Well, the second one I found came with these:


Is that not the coolest fucking poster ever? Some day it will be framed and hung over my stereo with pride.

Anyway, I’ve had friends over to watch Sgt. Pepper’s and it usually doesn’t go over well. In all truthfulness, they hardly make it to this part:

Take that Strawberry Fields! Aerosmith just killed you dead…and messed up the Bee Gees hair! But, I digress. If there ever was a a beautiful disaster set to Beatles’ music, this is it kids…forget that ACROSS THE UNIVERSE crap! It certainly didn’t have Steve Martin or Donald Pleasence or singing robots in it! That’s right, singing robots! Do yourself a favor and put this sucker in your Netflix…you won’t be sorry*.

* Or maybe you will….I once suggested I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE as a good movie to have on during a party…that didn’t go over so well.