Fetish Fridays! Wha…No Porn?

ARRR! This here grog is good in me gullet!

ARRR! This here grog is good in me gullet!

You heard me! It’s a pornless Fetish Fridays here at Awesomeness this week. (This is a lie…there will be one porn pic at the very end of this post.)

I know, I know, I’m totally killing my 400 plus views a day by leaving out the heaving hooters, the slippery snatches, and the cream filled cocks, but sometimes even I need a break.

But don’t worry too much…you know Canacorn always delivers…

…and today I bring you some Fist-Pumping Rawk-n-Roll For All Three Sexes!”!

Have you heard about a little band from Austin called…wait for it

Tranny plus Danzig, y'all!

Tranny plus Danzig, y'all!

I mean, how could I resist? As soon as a buddy pointed out their flyer to me, I just knew Tranzig deserved a mention on Awesomeness…and FF seemed like the perfect spot for a transgendered Danzig cover band.

Am I right or am I right?

Unfortunately, Tranzig (Jesus, I laugh every time I type it) doesn’t have any videos up…soooooo, I had to find another band somewhat similar to Tranzig that did…you know, just to round out this post.

I can’t just leave y’all with a FF that only has one pic of a flyer and a link to a tranny Danzig MySpace page.

I mean, I already cut out the porn (Once again, this is a lie. Just scroll down to the end of the post for your beloved porn), y’all deserve a little more.

Like…an all gay tribute to Black Flag! They’re called…wait for it

An absolutely FABULOUS tribute to Black Flag!

An absolutely FABULOUS tribute to Black Flag!

Oh man…these boys are too much! They’re even gayer than Black Flag was when Henry Rollins fronted the band!

I’ll let Liberace and Bugger explain:

Nice. Now how about a song?

Now that was awesome!

Okay, okay…I can tell you guys are getting restless…and you’re ready for your promised porn…

Careful what you wish for

Click the pic for a closer look...

Click the pic for a closer look...

See, it’s a panel from some comic where a shemale Elvira has been arrested by a shemale cop for practicing witchcraft. Seems like she cast a spell “morphing” her “beautiful nipples” into “giant cocks“…which is totally illegal under section 13.5 A of the County Witchcraft Provision! And her punishment is a severe “cock fucking” with an UltraQuip 24 in. rubber grip, side handle police batonall the way down to her balls“…wow…really? WTF?

Have a great weekend!

Rocktober! Day31

Pumpkininny!

Pumpkininny!

Here it is! The final day of Rocktober! Boy, what a long strange month this turned out to be!

You know, Rocktober wasn’t a total failure…I realize that now. I’ve been particularly hard on myself the past 31 days…worrying that no one was enjoying all the (mostly) hard work I was putting into my month long horror/metal celebration.

But that wasn’t the case at all.

My good friend Bwana, was always a strong supporter of Rocktober and he totally brought us Donny Most‘s most horrific character since Ralph Malph…the totally awesome, MOLOCH on Day 3..

The lovely and talented, Becca, over at No Smoking In The Skull Cave gave Rocktober, not one, but two separate shout-outs this month! If you haven’t checked out her awesome blog, do yourself a favor and peep it post haste! Just click the banner!

My favorite Auntie and Unkle even threw a parade in honor of Rocktober over at Kindertrauma…(well, that’s not totally true…there is a parade, but it’s the 1st Annual Kindertrauma Halloween Parade and has nothing to do with Rocktober…heh.) Thanks, boys! You’re the bestest!

Oh, I can’t forget The Wife! She stood by her man during the soaring highs and soul crushing lows of Rocktober…and even though I couldn’t find a way to work in Mike Schank for her, she definitely helped my Rocktober dreams come true with her suggestions, comments, and understanding.

I also gotta’ give a special thanks to my good buddy and inspirational coach, Steve. (Steve has no links…he is a private man…and a genius…seriously…he’s super smart.) Thanks, Steve, you’re always good for a swift kick in the pants area to get me back on track! You’re wicked awesome. Say hello to your family for me.

Alright! Let’s do this! It’s Halloween and that means it’s the 31st day of Rocktober!!!!

Today….One Man…Three bands…all metal…all horror…

Glenn Anzalone!

Huh?

That’s DANZIG, you chuckleheads!

First there was the horror punk of The Misfits!

Then there was the death rock of Samhain!

And finally, the dark metal-blues hybrid of Danzig!

Happy Halloween, fellow fiends! Thanks for sticking out Rocktober with me….now go eat some candy and watch a scary movie or two.

Metallica’s Back, Headbanger Happy

I can’t deny it…I’m stoked for this one kids. Sure, the title’s kind of corny (but it’s growing on me)…and after the dream shattering/groan inducing Some Kind Of Monster/St. Anger craptacular, you’d think I’d have totally given up on my musical heroes from the 80s.

Not quite. I wrote them off for the first time around 1994, but every time they release a new record I get a little twinge of excitement. Sure, it’s usually followed by an amazing let down of epic proportions…but the 14 year old headbanger inside of me refuses to give up the ghost.

When it was announced that Rick Rubin was going to produce the new Metallica record, I finally had a legitimate reason to have high hopes in the return of my favorite band. Well, they weren’t that high…I’ve been spanked more than once…but Rick was the man behind this:

…and this:

Granted, not everything Rick has had his hands on have been favorites of mine…but when he works with artists I like, let’s just say, I get all nerdy and excited about music again.

I’ve heard most of the record already and I have to say, I think it’s great. It’s not perfect, but it has enough of the old (guitar solos are back!) mixed with some decent new ideas…I even got chills at a couple of points. This old head banger is happy.

Here’s a taste…

Today’s the official release date for DEATH MAGNETIC and I will be coming home from work with a new Metallica LP to add to my collection…the first one in seven years…what took you guys so long?

Room for one more...

Room for one more...

Donna Martin May Be A Virgin…

…But Sometimes She Dresses Like A Whore.

Okay 90210 Fashionista Fans, we’re back with some more Donna Martin Season 5 fashion!

If you happened to miss the first installment you can go HERE and Get Your Donna On!

Things are still moving a bit slowly on the second disc…The horrible influence of one Kelly Taylor is seriously fucking with my girl’s psyche in a major way!

I can’ tell you guys how much those goddamn baby doll dresses bother the shit out me…Right off the bat we’re subjected to this:

Donna, why are you still rocking this tired “fashion statement”? Maybe if you were more Kinderwhore…or even better, more Carroll Baker, I’d be into this look for you…but you’re just trying too hard to be like your (lame) best friend, Kelly.

Ugh! Not even the Doc Martin knockoffs are helping! Kelly, just leave Donna alone for 10 fucking minutes so she can dress herself for God’s sake!

Okaaaaaaaaay, maybe that was a bad idea. Here are those damn asymmetrical (not to mention ill-fitting) cut offs again. At least she got the top right this time. You’ll start to notice a whole lot more belly shirts in Donna’s evolving wardrobe. I know I promised some great looks for Donna….and there will be…remember, I told you it would be a gradual transformation not an overnight makeover. Rome wasn’t built in a day, you know.

This one’s pretty good. Now that Donna is palling around with “regular Joe”, (and soon to be “abusive Joe”) Ray Pruit (with one T…’cause that’s all his mom could afford…har har), she’s allowing herself a little white trash inspiration. It’s hard to tell from the picture, but Donna is wearing a white mesh shirt over her belly tank like some little angel that could appear on Danzig‘s shoulder when he feels tempted to have yet another piece of red velvet cake.

Now this outfit isn’t so great, but it’s important for two reasons. One, is that it’s not a baby doll dress…and two, the hair helmet is back but now it’s been adorned with children’s barrettes! Donna is really starting to find her groove…sure, she’s hasn’t figured out how to put all the pieces together yet…but she’s close. Oh, the shirt doesn’t say BARBIE, it says BABIE in the Barbie font…clever.

Like most (creepy) guys I really like this look for our virtuous little virgin. It’s young…it’s innocent…and she finally has some damn cut offs that fit!

I wish I could tell you that it’s not Halloween in the above picture and that she’s not wearing a costume…’cause then I could tell you that this is MY ALL TIME FAVORITE OUTFIT Donna Martin has ever worn…EVER! But it is Halloween and it is a costume.

And so is this one:

Sure, you can’t really see the whole “Sexy Cat” outfit from this picture, but you can see that Donna just bitchslapped the shit out of über-douche-kind-of-boyfriend, Griffin Stone (why yes, that is Casper Van Dien)! And she did it right outside of the KEG House after Griffin insulted Ray and pretty much called Donna a cock tease…So, cracking Griff across the jaw seemed like a good idea at the time especially since Ray hasn’t thrown Donna down the fucking stairs…yet.

So that was disc 2…I hope I’m not alienating too many of my faithful readers with my Donna Martin obsession. I guess if I am, you’re not all that faithful of a reader in the first place and you’re just checking out Awesomeness for that promised extreme old man homo fisting post.

Jeez, keep your pants on…it’s coming…patience is a virtue.

Stay classy!