Bev Hills Season 7

Awwww yeah! Season 7, boners!

Awwww yeah! Season 7, boners!

That’s right, The Wife and I just cracked the seal on our season 7 box set of 90210!

And you just know it’s gonna’ be a great season of the classic 90210 when you get …

A bra less Donna in the first episode:

My eyes are up here.

My eyes are up here.

Val‘s gradual transformation into her “hot mom look” by the second:

My eyes are up here.

My eyes are up here.

And this bit of awesomeness:

Baphomet and his Solid Gold dancers!

Baphomet and his Solid Gold dancers!

Cooley Jackson!

Cooley Jackson!

Tony Fields!

Tony Fields!

Darcel Wynne!

Darcel Wynne!

Choreography by Kevin Carlisle!

Choreography by Kevin Carlisle!

Tony and Darcel bring the heat to 90210!

Tony and Darcel bring the heat to 90210!

God, I love this fucking show!

Blue Drank

So, yesterday I was working on an upcoming post for THE ROOM Week (I know, I know, it’s not until May and you’re already sick of me talking about it) and I was getting all crazy Virgo about some minor details that I couldn’t figure out…so I turned to Bwana for some help.

I shot him a quick email since I was sure he must be some sort of expert on the details in question…I eventually figured it out on my own (with some help from The Wife) and emailed Bwana again to share the good news.

When he emailed me back he expressed his approval and admiration of my findings and then he hit me up with a (non THE ROOM) question of his own for me!

Yum, it's produced by a female bantha’s mammary glands!

Yum, it's produced by a female bantha’s mammary glands!

Hey, what do you think that blue stuff that Aunt Beru gave to Luke to drink when he was whining about going to get the power converters was?

Hmmmmm…an interesting question…I was pretty sure Bwana was in no way making fun of me or “busting my balls” as the (Italian) kids say…so I hit the internets to find out just what in the Hell was in that future flask!

A few key strokes later and I ended up on Wookieepedia! And sure as shit there was an entry for Blue Milk!

It says: “Blue milk, sometimes known as Bantha milk[1] was a blue-colored liquid produced by a female bantha’s mammary glands. It could be found on most planets across the galaxy. The milk was well known for being very rich and refreshing, its opaque coloring suggesting that it was also sweet. The milk was also used to make a variety of yogurt, ice cream, and cheese.

There’s even a commercial for it:

So, there you go, Bwana! If you (or any of you other Awesomeness readers) think of any other burning questions I can answer for ya’ just let me know at mrcanacorn@gmail.com or hit me up in the comments section!

80s Prom Awesomeness

Please press play…

Who's Bad?

Who's Bad?


Well guess which bodacious couple crashed the 80s prom at the Austin Country Club?

If you’re like, “The Canacorns, duh.”

Then I’d be all like, “No shit, Sherlock!”

Of course it was us!

I was a worried that my suit was a little too much early 90s Robert Van Winkle and not enough late 80s Corey Feldman…but no one seemed to notice…so whatevs

The Wife was looking like a stone cold fox…what with the tan lines, crunchy bangs and the 7 month baby belly:

Goin' on a Manhunt!

Goin' on a Manhunt!

And like Mr. and Mrs. H, we looked gorgeous!

Bring On The Dancing Horses

Bring On The Dancing Horses

But we didn’t go alone…oh no…we brought friends! Say hello to Kyle and Ashley Carrington! (See more of these kooks HERE!)

The Way It Is

The Way It Is

We posed for a few pics outside before heading inside Casa Canacorn for a few drinks…

Is it Raining Men?

Is it Raining Men?

Meeting In The Ladie's Room

Meeting In The Ladie's Room

Girls Just Want To Have Fun

Girls Just Want To Have Fun

These boys Like To Party All The Time

These boys Like To Party All The Time

Alright, enough loosening up for the drive…let’s cross the tracks and get our Prom on! And what a fancy prom it was! There was all sorts of booze and snacks…they even had sliders!

Hurts So Good

Hurts So Good

Get Out Of My Dreams And Into My Belly?

Get Out Of My Dreams And Into My Belly?

After chowing down it was time for some authentic 80s dancing to our totally radical 80s cover band, The Neomaxizoomdweebies (Uh, truth be told, I don’t remember what they were called)!

These guys had The Eye Of The Tiger

These guys had The Eye Of The Tiger

Getting Physical!

Getting Physical!

Lets Dance!

Lets Dance!

Maneaters

Maneaters

Even though none of us were crowned King and Queen, we still had a great time…you know, just like the Brat Packers used to have back in the good old 1980s!

Oh, we even got a prom picture!

Just The Two Of Us

Just The Two Of Us

How About A Third Fucking Blog, Mr. C?

I told y'all I'm happy to be having a boy, right?

I told y'all I'm happy to be having a boy, right?

Seems like a good idea right?

Well, in a way it kind of is…FOR YOU!

How so,” you ask?

I’ll tell ya’.

The Wife and I are going to be blogging together…all about our journey into parenthood.

See? I can hear you groaning and complaining already…

Well, that’s why we’ve started a whole new blog…the pornography and other not safe for work goodies you’ve come to love and expect from Awesomeness won’t, I repeat, WON’T be sullied by my rambling posts about “how scary it is being a father to be“…or the ridiculously nauseating posts of “look what we’ve done in the baby’s room,” and “we’re so excited to meet our son we can hardly wait!”

It’s called What Have We Done? and you can go visit if you really want to see what’s doing with our pregnancy and our lives. It’s safe for work and safe enough even for our very own parents. Except for some coarse language I can’t think of anything that could be considered objectionable…But you know me, I’m wildly inappropriate, so what the fuck do I know?

So, a recap: Awesomeness and The Bride will stay their usual filth filled selves and What Have We Done? will be boring stuff about our baby and baby related topics written by me and The Wife.

Okay? Sound good? Wanna’ see another pic of a couple of girls that make their daddies proud? You got it!

Look daddy, I made the cover!

Look daddy, I made the cover!

Submissions Wanted

max Check it…The Wife and I have found out we’re having a boy!

I know, I know, pretty cool…but get this: We have successfully agreed on a first name for our little monster and he obviously already has a last name, but we’re stumped on a middle name at the moment.

We are working on a short list though. So far we have a few:

Vincent
Porter
Taylor
Kirby

A decent showing…but I figured I’d turn to my internet friends and ask for some suggestions to help us out. Y’all are all so creative and awesome, I just bet at least one of you has a good one!

Okay, ready? Put on your thinking caps and fill in the blank:

Quinn ______ Canacorn

I’ll have you know, The Wife has shot down the following:

“Kurt Russell” (in quotes of course)
Snake
Plissken
MacReady
Carpenter
Kojak
Rockatansky
Eastwood
Bronson
Sly
Bruno
Brando

Christ, the list goes on for days, but you get the idea….The worst part about all this middle name rigmarole was when she came up with one that I liked even more than Plissken, and then took it back! She said she was only joking….wanna’ hear it?

Quinn Tuscadero Canacorn

Now how bad ass is that? Pretty bad ass…but what do I know?

“How sad it is! I shall grow old, and horrid, and dreadful. But this picture will remain always young.”

Momma's Boy

Momma's Boy

Well, who do we have here?

Why it’s, Mr. Ozzy Osbourne Canacorn! The number one cat of the house and The Wife‘s best friend ’till the end!

As y’all may or may not know, we actually have four cats that live with us…I know, crazy…but Ozzy (or Ozymandias, as I sometimes call him…which will become important to today’s post in a minute or two) is definitely the King of the house.

And every King deserves to be immortalized right? Well, I think so…and since I don’t know any sculptors that could whip up a mighty statue of our favorite feline, I decided to do the next best thing. Commission a portrait! But who could do justice to this proud and arrogant beast? What mere mortal hand could possibly capture the Greatness that Ozzy inspires?

As fate would have it, I found such an artist…on MySpace!? You see, I was on the page of one of comic book’s greatest artists and writers, Rick Veitch, when a young lady’s name in his top friends caught my eye.

Leah Moore. Her name may not mean much to you if you’re not familiar with comic books…but some nerds (myself included) would say that she hails from a Royal Bloodline. But more importantly, she does pet portraits! (Just a quick side note here: She’s also an accomplished writer as well.)

Through Leah’s MySpace page I found her Etsy store…success! Not only were there examples of her work…but they were quite good. None of the animals featured were as regal and stately as Ozzy, but I could tell that Leah was definitely the artist for this particular undertaking. I quickly contacted the lovely lady to see if she was up to the task of capturing the timeless beauty of The Oz-man.

After a few pleasant emails to hammer out the details, Leah was set to go! It wasn’t long when she informed me that she was done….and here is the final product:

Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!

My name is Ozymandias, king of kings: Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!

Needless to say, The Wife and I are more than pleased. I’d like to thank Leah a hundred times over and I can highly recommend her if you have a special pet you need immortalized…

Now hop on over to The Wife’s blog if you want to see some more pics of Leah working on the portrait!

“…pop culture awesomeness at it’s best”?

Would you look at that? Would you look at THAT? It's a major award.

Would you look at that? Would you look at THAT? It's a major award.

Oh my…well…uh…I really wasn’t expecting this.

I just have a few people I’d like to thank.

First off, I’d like to thank Dre and Cube. I really couldn’t be as awesome as everyone says I am if it wasn’t for everything y’all taught me over the years.

Um…The Wife of course…I know, I know…you’re my everything, honey. Thanks for putting up with all the porn, 80s metal, and whatever other weird ass shit I find on the internet. I love you, you’re the best.

Oh, okay, I’m getting the “wrap it up“…um, thanks Becca at No Smoking In The Skull Cave, for bestowing this upon me…uh, I’m not worthy, I’m not worthy…heh…Wayne’s World….um, it really is an honor. I wish I really deserved it as much as you think I do. I’ll try harder…I promise!

Oh…and…uh…I’m just so proud to be part of such an amazing group of bloggers. I wouldn’t even know where to start if I had to give out such an award, but…uh…my admiration and respect goes out to my fellow recipients of this fine blue ribbon…uh…The Undead Film Critic…you’re awesome, man…completely DEAD-icated to the craft…keep it up! Uh…oh…those wild motherfuckers over at Deadlicious..um…great site guys, I can see why you wear masks…I’ve seen better heads on boils…heh, um…no seriously…heh. The Scandy Factory…truly a man with great taste in film and all of the arts…and by arts, I mean boobs. Um…okay, okay, I gotta’ wrap it up…check out Adventures In Nerdliness…and my other blog…um…The Bride Of Awesomeness for some hot internet action…um, okay…Thanks again!

Rocktober! Day31

Pumpkininny!

Pumpkininny!

Here it is! The final day of Rocktober! Boy, what a long strange month this turned out to be!

You know, Rocktober wasn’t a total failure…I realize that now. I’ve been particularly hard on myself the past 31 days…worrying that no one was enjoying all the (mostly) hard work I was putting into my month long horror/metal celebration.

But that wasn’t the case at all.

My good friend Bwana, was always a strong supporter of Rocktober and he totally brought us Donny Most‘s most horrific character since Ralph Malph…the totally awesome, MOLOCH on Day 3..

The lovely and talented, Becca, over at No Smoking In The Skull Cave gave Rocktober, not one, but two separate shout-outs this month! If you haven’t checked out her awesome blog, do yourself a favor and peep it post haste! Just click the banner!

My favorite Auntie and Unkle even threw a parade in honor of Rocktober over at Kindertrauma…(well, that’s not totally true…there is a parade, but it’s the 1st Annual Kindertrauma Halloween Parade and has nothing to do with Rocktober…heh.) Thanks, boys! You’re the bestest!

Oh, I can’t forget The Wife! She stood by her man during the soaring highs and soul crushing lows of Rocktober…and even though I couldn’t find a way to work in Mike Schank for her, she definitely helped my Rocktober dreams come true with her suggestions, comments, and understanding.

I also gotta’ give a special thanks to my good buddy and inspirational coach, Steve. (Steve has no links…he is a private man…and a genius…seriously…he’s super smart.) Thanks, Steve, you’re always good for a swift kick in the pants area to get me back on track! You’re wicked awesome. Say hello to your family for me.

Alright! Let’s do this! It’s Halloween and that means it’s the 31st day of Rocktober!!!!

Today….One Man…Three bands…all metal…all horror…

Glenn Anzalone!

Huh?

That’s DANZIG, you chuckleheads!

First there was the horror punk of The Misfits!

Then there was the death rock of Samhain!

And finally, the dark metal-blues hybrid of Danzig!

Happy Halloween, fellow fiends! Thanks for sticking out Rocktober with me….now go eat some candy and watch a scary movie or two.

Hey Kenley, Get Over Yourself!

The following quote is from an interview with Kenley on Gothamist.

The question was,

What are some trends you particularly like and don’t like?

Her answer,

I don’t like when you see major trends on people over and over again to the point of just played out. For example, the thin head bands that cut across your forehead over your hair. At first, it was “a look” now its just a bad trend. I do like when someone has a look that is there own. No matter what it is.

Ugh. Like your 50s retro shtick? Talk about a played out bad trend…But more than Kenley’s wannabe Bettie Page meets June Cleaver personal style, it’s her shitty attitude that bugs me the most.

With my very limited experience with “reality teevee”, I’m aware that there is an approximation of reality being beamed into your home thanks to the magic of editing, but after Kenley’s performance last night, I’m fully convinced that she’s a delusional jerk.

For a more detailed review of Kenley and her craptacular personality click on over to The Wife’s blog and to the fabulously bitchy, Project Rungay…I’m sure they’ll be much more eloquent than I in this matter.

Two For Tuesdays

Last Tuesday was a bit vanilla…but today is all chocolate, baby.

Before we get to the music….
The Wife and I have been watching THE WIRE lately….yes, it’s as awesome as everyone says…and while all the characters are compelling, there is a Mr. Canacorn favorite. I know you’re pegging me as an Omar Little man, and you’d be right if it wasn’t for Stringer Bell.

Here is where I became a convert: (From Season 1…no spoilers)

The Wife calls String, The Wise Owl…but she has a thing for owls.

Does Stringer look like anyone to you? A musician, maybe? Well, he reminds me of one of my favorite MCs:

ANTONIO HARDY….but you may know him by another name….The King Asiatic Nobody’s Equal….BIG DADDY KANE!

It was hard to choose two videos this Tuesday, so I went with an early hit…

Aint No Half Steppin’

….and what some would call, a later misstep. For the record, I think the following song is fucking romantically genius!

All Of Me (featuring Barry White?!)

Wow..it’s kind of creepy the way Barry’s all hanging around peeping on Big Daddy and his lady friend…but hey, he is the Obi-Wan Kenobi of BLACK TAIL (Uh, that link is soooo NOT SAFE FOR WORK….or for the easily offended…seriously.)