Sooooo, you mean to tell me nobody noticed this for a whole week?
See the problem? I’m betting you saw it from day one but were just too polite to say anything. That’s cool…I fixed it.
Find the meanest bitch there…
And proceed to beat the shit out of her…
With a ferocious bitch slap bombardment…
Doled out in front of all her friends and colleagues…
And to add insult to injury…
She’ll finish the fight with a old timey cream pie to the face…
And make an Batman inspired exit…
In a dress…and heels.
And that’s why Pam Grier is tougher than you.
‘Cause Sheba Shayne will repeatedly shove your face in granulated chlorine, making you “the whitest nigga that ever left Louisville!”
Product Name: SENTRY GRANULATED CHLORINE FOR SWIMMING POOLS
Risk Phrases: Contact with combustible material may cause fire. Harmful if swallowed. Contact with acids liberates toxic gas. Causes burns. Risk of serious damage to eyes. Very toxic to aquatic organisms.
Safety Phrases: Avoid contact with skin and eyes. In case of contact with eyes, rinse immediately with plenty of water and seek medical advice. Wear suitable protective clothing, gloves and eye/face protection. In case of accident or if you feel unwell, seek medical advice immediately (show the label whenever possible).
Inhalation: Remove victim from area of exposure – avoid becoming a casualty. Remove contaminated clothing and loosen remaining clothing. Allow patient to assume most comfortable position and keep warm. Keep at rest until fully recovered. If patient finds breathing difficult and develops a bluish discoloration of the skin (which suggests a lack of oxygen in the blood – cyanosis), ensure airways are clear of any obstruction and have a qualified person give oxygen through a face mask. Apply artificial respiration if patient is not breathing. Seek immediate medical advice.
Skin Contact: If skin or hair contact occurs, immediately remove any contaminated clothing and wash skin and hair thoroughly with running water. If swelling, redness, blistering or irritation occurs seek medical assistance.
Eye Contact: Immediately wash in and around the eye area with large amounts of water for at least 15 minutes. Eyelids to be held apart. Remove clothing if contaminated and wash skin. Urgently seek medical assistance. Transport to hospital or medical center.
Ingestion: Immediately rinse mouth with water. If swallowed, do NOT induce vomiting. Give a glass of water. Seek immediate medical assistance.
Medical attention and special treatment: Treat symptomatically. Can cause corneal burns. Delayed effects from exposure to chlorine (decomposition product) can include shortness of breath, severe headache, pulmonary edema and pneumonia.
Long Term Effects: No information available for the product.
…Vinyl and soundtracks! So in celebrating all things Pam this week, I figured we’d talk about the Jackie Brown OST today!
We’ve all been told what a genius Quentin Tarantino is when it comes to picking music for his films…and I really have to agree wholeheartedly.
Sure, sure, I’d love for him to finally hook up with a composer that could whip up an amazing score, but just like Martin Scorsese before him, QT knows how to pick existing songs that can capture the viewers attention and really solidify a scene.
What really impressed me about the Jackie Brown soundtrack was QT’s ballsy choice to use such recognizable songs and still be able to give them a whole new life within the JB universe.
Let’s take a look and a listen to some choice cuts, shall we? Just click on the pic and be transported to wonderful world of YouTube!
…and even though it’s not a music video, but because I’m thinking about Jackie Brown, I just have to throw this video in here:
Poetry? On Awesomeness?
Sure…I mean, why not? Just because it’s Pam Grier Week, doesn’t mean it’s all movie reviews all the time. So pay attention, boners, today I’m bringing you some culture!
Sometimes an empowering poem about a tough, Black woman written by a gay, White man is just what we all need on a Monday morning.
Why I Want To Be Pam Grier
by Collin Kelley
I want to pull a gun out of my hair
and blow your head off.
I want to wear black leather knee high boots
and plant my ten inch heel up your sorry ass.
I want to flim you and flam you and just say
while I slit your throat with my knife.
I want to be exploited, overworked
and underpaid, but look damn good doing it,
cause I’m always getting laid.
I want to be an idol, a nobody,
a whatever happened to her,
then put on my Kangol hat, my tight black suit,
look better than I did twenty years ago,
and smoke you one more time good and proper.
I want to cross 110th Street with a bag full of cash,
and one last sweet kiss from the man
who actually gave a damn.
I want to drive away into the morning light,
headed for Spain, hurting like hell,
but with my head up
and the taste of him on my lips.
Okay, okay…go HERE to see Pam’s tits and ass already…sheesh…try to give the kids a little sophistication…
Hey there fellow Pam Grier lovers! Today is day one in our week long Pam Grier extravaganza here at Awesomeness!
But I’m not the only blogger in these series of tubes we call The Internet celebrating all things Pam this week!
Oh no, my friends, check out what Darius Whiteplume over at DIRTY & NERDY is doing and see who else is playing along.
And guess what? Even YOU can get in on the action! Just click HERE and follow the super simple instructions set up by Darius himself! And don’t worry, you don’t have to post Pam Grier goodness all week long…just post something this week! Easy, breezy, beautiful…just like Pam herself!
Alright, let’s get to today’s review of 1997s STRIP SEARCH!
Okay, I know you’re thinking, “Now wait just a gosh darn minute, Canacorn! Pam Grier is barely even in this movie!”
What’s wrong with a kiss, I ask you?
And today’s kiss is brought to you by the writer and director team that gave the world….uh…um…well, not much really other than STRIP SEARCH. Never heard of it? Check out the trailer HERE and then we’ll get to my thoughts on this mess.
Wow. Great trailer, huh? They just gave away every major plot point except for one…luckily, I didn’t watch the trailer before immersing myself into the neo-noir world of STRIP SEARCH so nothing was ruined for me.
I kind of had high hopes for this little film based solely on the no budget, seedy looking opening credits…but those hopes were quickly smashed against the rocks of disappointment about 30 minutes into the actual movie. Which is strange, because we totally got a gun in the mouth execution in the first 10:
Okay, a quick set up: Vice detective Robby Durrell (Michael Paré) is a man of rules. They may be rules that he makes up as he goes along, but they’re his rules nonetheless….and that’s what makes him the best cop on the beat. Along with his lesbian partner, Janette (Pam Grier), he has the thankless job of policing the sleazy underworld of strip joints, sex clubs, and secret sex parties of the wealthy and powerful. Between the pimps, whores, johns and drug dealers you wouldn’t think Robby would have the time to constantly clean up his brother’s messes, but somehow he does…until he meets the icy and manipulative Sela (Caroline Neron).
Sela’s step daughter (or was it her sister?) has run away and more than likely been drawn into the sordid world of drugs and prostitution. Obviously, Sela knows that only Robby has the guts and the contacts to find her missing kin so she hires him to do some off the clock detective work. Why has the 17 year old girl run away? Who or what is she running from? Can Sela be keeping some dangerous secret from Robby behind her sexy heterochromic eyes?
SS hasn’t aged well, what with its late nineties mish mash of John Woo shoot outs, wannabe Lynchian supporting characters, and the not so graceful dialog of Thomas Parkinson. Seriously, the constant mouth diarrhea of platitudes spewed out by our lead characters was a nonstop craptathlon of feculent banality….which really ended up growing on me.
I know I said the movie was a “mess” and a “disappointment” not 5 minutes ago (or longer if you’re one of them slooooow readers), but dammit, this odd ball, late 90s, film noir just sort of wormed its way into my brain and started eating away at it…not unlike the deadly Naegleria fowleri…which causes Primary Amoebic Meningoencephalitis …that’s right, PAM….see how I did that? It’s Pam Grier week and the brain-eating amoeba causes a syndrome that can be abbreviated to spell out….oh, never mind.
Anyway….I’m pretty sure 1 out of 5 of you guys might actually enjoy SS…and it’s on Netflix where viewers are raving that, “It is among the worst that I have rented,” and, “…just plain stupid don’t waste your time on it…“…so don’t just take my word for it!
See you tomorrow, Canacorn………out!
Starts on Sunday the 15th, you jive turkeys! So be sure to join me and a handful of other bloggers (maybe even you!?) in celebrating all things PAM GRIER!
Let’s get in the mood…
I’ll give you a few hints:
“She’s brown sugar and spice but if you don’t treat her nice she’ll put you on ice!”
“A chick with drive who don’t take no jive!”
“The Baddest One-Chick Hit-Squad that ever hit town!”
That’s right, Turkeys, we’re talkin’ Pam Grier!
Click the link to learn more…or if you’re too lazy to actually right click this morning, just read on to get the skinny from me:
When: March 15-21
Where: Your Blog
How To Play Along:
1. Contact me (Darius) by email (email@example.com) or Tweet me @d_whiteplume.
2. Put the tag Pam Grier Week in your posts. That way when I list participating blogs I can send directly to the Pam material.
3. You can pre-publish your posts using the “Post Options” on you create a post page. If you need to know how to do that, contact me.
Now, there aren’t any rules…so feel free to play along and help fill the internet with one of the baddest, blackest, bodacious, buxom beauties to ever grace the screen!