Fetish Fridays! NSFW Shoe Fucking!

Decisions, decisions...

I know you perverts have been lost without me these past few months…God only knows what kind of indignities your eyes and genitals have suffered without FF around!

I can only imagine what you poor degenerates have been masturbating to…and for some reason I imagine a German paysite featuring internal POV videos of Gräfenberg’s ring insertions…or whatever.

Well, your agony has ended starting today!

Welcome back FETISH FRIDAYS!!!!

I know I’m a bit rusty here since I’ve been away from the cesspool of cum and shit that is internet porn, but I’m gonna’ give it my best shot! Today we’re covering some familiar territory..but with a twist!

Sure, sure, everyone and their mother has a fucking shoe fetish…but how about a shoe fucking fetish?! (See what I did there? I said, “fucking shoe” and then I said, “shoe…” oh never mind…)

You were expecting something sexier...like an exotic stiletto maybe?

I have to admit I’ve never had sex with a shoe. Hell, I wouldn’t even know where to start….I know, I know, you’re disappointed

But seriously, do I fuck one of my own shoes? And if I do, is it like masturbating? Is it gay to fuck a dude’s shoe? Is it cheating on my wife if I fuck another woman’s shoe? Is it cheating on my wife if I fuck her shoe and not her? Do I fuck a shoe with or without someone’s foot still in the shoe?

A shoehorn is a tool that allows the user to put on a shoe more easily.

So many questions!!!! Calgon, take me away!

Okay, get it together, Canacorn….you’re here to provide a service.

I’ll probably never get the answers to all my questions, but let’s see what some “experts” are saying about shoe fucking.

With just a few keystrokes I stumbled upon a helpful site called, Hot Shoe Shots.

I decided to troll their forums to see just what these shoe fuckers were talking about…(I’ve included their avatars just so you guys know that we’re dealing with the real deal.)

On the topic of “New Ways Of Fucking Womens Shoes

HighHeelShoeJacker (I’m pretty sure that is not his real name) says, “I have been fucking shoes for a while now,besides using an open toe as an orafice,or sticking the heels up my ass i havent heard anything new,well except one guy i met on here that attaches his Borrowed open toe heels to an orbital power sander which is Very hot for hands free shoe fun!”

drex2 chimed in with,“try putting on a vibrating cock ring with the vibrator under your balls and lube up a shoe and go to town on it, its agreat feeling, you can get those cock rings also in a trojan condom pack….. “

Then things started getting all technical when The Original Peeptoe shared some serious techniques:

“Why not have the shoe fuck you? Especially good with long, thin metal heels, is getting urethrally fucked under the shoe. Clean the heel with alcohol first and grease it with a sterile water base lube. The heel, if it has a lift, should be free of burrs or flares. New heels that are all metal and kept for the purpose are best.

Slide it gently into your peehole and guide it slowly down, feeling it on the bottom side of your cock with one hand while controlling the shoe’s descent with the other. I routinely bury a six inch stilletto all the way down until the head of my cock is spreading to try to accomodate the flaring heel top. For a real thrill, get your ladyfriend to slip her foot into the shoe once it’s been installed. Just seeing her standing there impaling you as you lie under her ought to make you come.

A word about coming. With the heel in, it may hurt a little! “

Uh…wha? “Urethrally fucked“? “Peehole“? “Impaling“? Fuck a bunch of that, The Original Peeptoe (if that is your real name?)! Obviously, some people are a little more extreme in the shoe sex department.

Oh, another thing I learned about shoe fuckers: They kidnap shoes to take back to their lairs and fuck them.

You heard me.

They steal shoes…and then fuck them.

And they get REAL excited about Summertime…’cause that’s when people like you are kicking off your flip flops in public and leaving them unattended.

Peep this post by our pal, HighHeelShoeJacker, “Ok its almost warm enough for flip flop season,they are the most readily available footwear that girls seem to leave lying around unattended,anyone have any good technique for using them?”

You’ve been warned, so don’t come crying to me if one or both of your flip flops goes missing…but know some creep is raping the shit out of that shoe and it’s your fault.

Just sayin’.

Oh, in case you’re wondering….yes there are female shoe fuckers out there! But it seems to me that they usually make sweet sweet love to their own shoes…and only because creepy dudes like seeing chicks shove weird shit in their vagoos…

So there you go! Not too shabby of a return of FF this week if I do say so myself! Hope you boners enjoyed it….

Canacorn out!

Fetish Fridays! NSFW And It’s The Pits!

armvag You know what I was thinking about this morning?

Probably not…so I’ll tell ya’.

I was thinking about that armpit molester from Singapore and how he got 14 years in jail and caned 18 times for sniffing the pits of 23 different females!

To be honest, unsolicited sniffing was not his only crime…in addition to sniffing his victims’ armpits he also fondled a 13-year-old AND exposed himself to that 53 year old….but that’s not important right now!

What is important is today’s celebration of one of the most underrated erogenous zones of the body…no, no, not the rectouterine pouch, you kooky kids, THE ARMPITS!


It’s Summertime, and exposed pits are all the rage in my town! Unconcealed underarms are hotter than Zubaz pants and full print t-shirts these days!

asiaHairy, shaved, gay, straight, sweaty, smelly, male, female….Armpits and armpit exposing fashions are hot, hot, hot!

Everyone is rockin’ the tank, tube top, A-shirt, or some form of sleeveless T!

Shit, some people are even going topless for maximum erotic armpit exposure!

The young and the old are going apeshit for armpits!

Seriously, I can’t leave the house or turn on my computer without having my eyeballs assaulted by untamed, debauched, epicurean acts of axilla flashing, shaving, sniffing, licking, sucking and fucking….

That’s right, I said fucking!

People are actually fucking each others armpits.

Click to watch!

Click to watch!

And I think the world is a better place because of it…that and the Zubaz pants comeback…but that’s just me.

These pants are the same pants that were worn by pro athletes, rock stars, kings and queens, and anybody who Dared to be Different.

These pants are the same pants that were worn by pro athletes, rock stars, kings and queens, and anybody who Dared to be Different.

Canacorn out!

Fetish Fridays! NSFW Periodontics Edition

lh Hey boners! What’s shakin’?

Yeah, yeah, I hear that….”Another day another dollar…Time to make the donuts….Blah, blah, fucking blah…

Well hold on there pardnersit’s Friday…and aside from being alright for fighting…it means…oh wait, that’s Saturday…damn…

Uh, anyway…what I’m getting at is, it’s time to break you out of your humdrums and talk about some fetish of some sort! And if you couldn’t tell by the scrumptious picture of Lauren Hutton on the left side of your monitor, today’s topic is teeth!

But not just any type of teeth…oh no, my friends…only the ones with a gap right smack dab in the middle of those big ol’ central incisors is good enough for this Friday!

80616_Heather-Parisi-7-17_122_438loWe’re strictly talking lucky teeth, or as the French like to say, “dents du bonheur“!

I know the topic of diastema is a bit tame compared to some of my past FF entries…but it is one that puts a smile on my face (and by smile, I mean erection..and by face, I mean penis…so what I think I’m trying to say is, “The enlarged and firm state of my penis…is the result of a complex interaction of psychological, neural, vascular and endocrine factors, that is usually, though not exclusively, associated with gap toothed women.

Oh crap…now you’re picturing me and my amazing, incredible, expandable, blood filled erectile tissues….This is getting awkward…Uh…let’s move on…

So anyway, I was reading a review for ONCE BITTEN over at THE HOUSE OF SELF-INDULGENCE the other day (seriously, it’s the best review I’ve ever read for ONCE BITTEN…check it out) and even though Yum-Yum made no mention of it, all I kept thinking about was Ms. Hutton’s delectable diastema!

bella And it got me thinking about some other gap toothed ladies…Brigitte Bardot, Jorja Fox, Anna Paquin, Béatrice Dalle…man, there’s a whole bunch of ’em out there…

And get this…some of ’em even do the pornographies!

It’s true!

Which is kind of fitting…you know, because of the whole Canterbury Talesgap-toothed wife of Bath, middle-aged woman with insatiable lust” rumor that the “firste fyndere of our fair langage” and loveable scamp, Geoffrey Chaucer, started waaay back in the 14th century!

There’s Belladonna, Naudia Nyce, Pepper Foxx, Chase Taylor, and hundreds of other starlets in waiting flashing their gapes and their gaps all over the internets!

naudiaSo wouldn’t it be a great idea to have some sort of specialty fetish website for the appreciation of gap toothed women?

Of course it’s a great idea! So what the fuck, internets?! Where’s my diastema fetish site?!

No matter where I turn, I can find a fetish specific website for just about every sub-genre of porn…everything except this one.

You want clips and pictures of mature, BBW, amateur, hirsute honeys giving blowjobs to tattooed European gentlemen with big cocks that end in Roman Showers?

You got it! The internet provides!

But a guy wants some hot enamel action and he gets nothin’.

chase I guess there’s just not much of a demand for teeth porn….which is kind of sad really…I mean, look at this picture…

What kind of world do we live in that I can’t see this young thing try and fit those two big, bulbous heads on that soft, sensuous, smooth and sturdy 18 inch veined dildo between the contacts of her perfectly spaced maxillary central incisors?

A disappointing world…that’s what kind.

Seriously, internets, I’m gonna’ have to stop this whole Fetish Fridays dance if you can’t deliver the goods…I know we only do this FF thing (almost) once a week, but my feelings of dissatisfaction that follow your constant failures is really starting to take its toll.

So think about it…we’ll talk next Friday.

Canacorn, out!

Fetish Fridays…On A Sunday? Yep…And Still NSFW.

hookers for Jesus Oh man…I’ve been meaning to get around to this FF topic for a little over a month now. I know it’s not Friday, but I felt that Sunday was quite à propos for HOOKERS FOR JESUS.

That’s right…you heard me. Hookers. For. Jesus.

I first heard about HOOKERS FOR JESUS from a buddy at the record store….

He was all, “Remember Stryper?”

Me: “Yeah. I hated that band.”

Buddy: “Me too, but that’s not important right now. Did you know that their guitarist is getting married?”

Me: “So? Big whoop.”

Buddy: “He’s getting married in Las Vegas…to a prostitute…”

Me: “Say what?”

Buddy: “Yeah, she’s some sort of hookerfor Jesus!”

Me: “What the fuck’s a hooker for Jesus?! I mean, I could think of a worse pimp, but fuck man, walking the track for the fucking Son Of God…that’s some fucked up shit right there.”

I must know more! To the internet!

maryWell I don’t know about you guys, but when I think of what one of Christ’s call girls might look like, I kind of picture a sexy Mary Magdalene like this little lady on the right.

You know…part sinner, part saint, all whore!

But when I found the real hooker for Jesus on the internets…she was kind of a letdown.

First off, she looked like this:


Not a total bummer, but certainly not what I expected.

Second…she’s not even a hooker any more! WTF is up with that?!

Third, she’s all “…committed to reaching out to teens/women that need assistance/escape from the sex industry…” Again, WTF?

This whole hooking for Jesus is obviously not what I had in mind for today’s FF.

I started reading Annie Lobért’s testimony hoping for the best…it started off pretty good:

WARNING DISCLOSURE: This story contains explicit material not suitable for children/young adults. If you are under 18, please ask permission from your parents to read this story. I am going to be real honest and candid on this site, so if you are tired of lies and want the truth, BUCKLE your seatbelts and hang on! I believe in being REAL. Please read this story, and I will explain everything to you….”

Yes! Now we’re getting somewhere…I read on…

Annie talked about getting molested at age 8…how her heart was broken by the man that took her virginity…how she became a “rebel” “…by looking for love in all the WRONG places, in WRONG people–people with issues just like mine. You get the picture–PROMISCUITY, nightclubs, drinking/drug parties, hanging out in bad parts of town–listening to wrong (sexually perverted/degrading women/violent) types of music, MUSIC VIDEOS, TV, reading “fashion” magazines.”

See what happens if you read VOGUE, ladies?

See what happens if you read VOGUE, ladies?

Then she gets raped a whole bunch of times…

Believe it or not, this MEDIA–POP CULTURE and lifestyle I embraced had such a HUGE influence on me! I was the “PARTY GIRL!” This is when the first of many rapes happened…

Damn, this is becoming a real fucking boner killer…but it all sounds like the perfect recipe for the making of one delicious whore cocktail…and then she really kicks it into high gear:

hookerProstitution, (street & high class call girl) exotic strip dancing, nude modeling, drugs of every kind, sex addiction, cutting, abortions–yes and miscarriages, masturbation addiction, pornography, dominance mistressing addiction, bisexuality, men addiction, gambling, binge drinking, smoking, anorexia, bulimia, and JAIL TIME… just to name a few…

Whoa…masturbation addiction and smoking?! Sounds like a few Awesomeness readers I know…

But then she gets all Debbie Downer again and starts up with the whole, I was “raped by gunpoint, strangled, suffocated, guns put in my mouth, hair cut off, tied up, gagged, put in trunks of cars, bones broken, spit on, kicked, pushed, stalked by crazy men, tied up, kept hostage, and beaten into submission…

Oh my God, just stop already! Enough! Fuck, lady, you are totally ruining Fetish Fridays for everyone.

And that’s only the first half of her story…I couldn’t even keep reading to get to the part where she decides to become a Jesus Hooker…or whatever.

Okay, look, I feel bad for Annie’s terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, but I’m really starting to feel for that Stryper guitarist…could you imagine marrying this emotional train wreck? And to top it all off, now she’s all super preachy religious?! Not to sound too much like a callous dick, but fuck that noise…I wouldn’t even want to be in the same room for 10 minutes with this broad.

Fuck….I finally get around to a Fetish Fridays post and it gets annihilated in about 5 minutes…I knew I should have gone with that whole lesbian centaur fetish

Ruined potential...

Ruined potential...

Fetish Fridays! NSFW And Totally Refreshing!

I don’t know what the weather’s like in your neck of the woods, but here in the A,TX. it’s hot, hot, hot! And when it gets hot, there’s nothing I like better than a cool refreshing drink!

An ice cold beer, some unsweetened sun tea, a tall glass of ice water, or even a smoothie….but not just any smoothie…the only thing that can beat this Texas heat is an:

100% genuine ass smoothies!

100% genuine ass smoothies!

Wait, you guys don’t drink ASS SMOOTHIES in your hometown? Don’t tell me you’ve never even heard of them?

Just making another ass smoothie.

Just making another ass smoothie.

Check it…ASS SMOOTHIES started off as this crazy porn thing on the internets where some pervy dudes found some “pornstars and hot girls who enjoy ass to mouth felching.”

I’ll let these demented thirst experts explain the rest:

The porn babes make a smoothie which is then poured inside their rectum. We use a speculum to gape their asshole open wide so we can fill up their anal cavity with what then becomes known as the ass smoothie. As they wait in the piledriver position with their ass up in the air, we pour the entire anal smoothie inside their butt and let it sit there for a moment. When they are completely full, the girls get back on their feet and squirt the ass smoothie from their assholes into a glass below. Next they take the anal beverage to their lips and drink it all, thus completing the felching cycle of ass to mouth, by ingesting the ass smoothie which was sitting deep inside their own rectum.”

She poured juice, cola and whipped cream in a blender and presto she got her own flavor of ass smoothie!

She poured juice, cola and whipped cream in a blender and presto she got her own flavor of ass smoothie!

Man, doesn’t that sound delicious?! It became such a popular drink among professional women, college students and speculum salesmen here in Austin that ASS SMOOTHIE stands started popping up all over town!

The ASS SMOOTHIE was liberated from it’s existence as the second class citizen of “fruity, sweet, nutty flavored drinks with undertones of rich, dark rectum” to it’s rightful place as THE MOST REFRESHING DRINK IN THE WORLD!

Before you knew it, everyone and their mom were blending their own special brand of ASS SMOOTHIE…there were ASS SMOOTHIE parties where people would bring tricked out blenders and personalized, gold plated speculums…debates would rage over the proper temperature for the perfect ASS SMOOTHIE (98.6 degrees was usually beat out every time by cooler, more refreshing temps)….some people even got their pets in on the act with a very special Canis lupus familiaris ASS SMOOTHIE…but I won’t get into that.

Live music was out as the driver of Austin’s “creative economy” and everyone knew that Austin, TX. was now THE ASS SMOOTHIE CAPITOL OF THE WORLD! Even the old hippies were wearing tied-dyed shirts with the ASS SMOOTHIE slogan, “KEEP AUSTIN SMOOTH“.

SRV can S My D! Keep Austin Smooth!

SRV can S My D! Keep Austin Smooth!

So, don’t the let heat get the upper hand, get on the ASS SMOOTHIE train this Summer and keep it smooth in your city!

Fetish Fridays! I Got Nothin’…

So…uh…here’s a picture of a guitar that kind of looks like a cock and balls.


Worst FF ever.

Worst FF ever.

I know some of you guys are going to accuse me of being lazy but that’s just not the case…okay, okay, just posting a picture of a cock and balls guitar is kind of lazy, but it’s not my fault.

Blame the maker and owner of the Wangcaster! Where are the pics/videos of someone actually playing the Wangcaster?! Where are the pics/videos of someone actually getting fucked by the Wangcaster?

Nowhere. That’s where. Believe me, I looked.

I mean, if you make a guitar didlo shouldn’t it be used as either a guitar or a dildo…or even better, a guitar dildo?!

Throw it indoors; you can't damage lamps or break windows. You can't hurt babies or old people.

Throw it indoors; you can't damage lamps or break windows. You can't hurt babies or old people.

This isn’t rocket science…it’s 2009 dammit, I should be able to find some dude shredding his way through The Nuge‘s Wang Dang Sweet Poontang on his rock hard Wangcaster somewhere on the internets!

And speaking of the internets and what it has to offer….

You mean to tell me I can find women and men willing to shove everything from a Nerf football to a bowling pin into every hole imaginable, but no one has ever used an electric guitar (never mind one actually shaped like a cock and balls) in one of their wack-a-doodle insertion photo/video shoots?!

You’re slippin’, internets!

I really expected so much more from you this Friday.

Uncle Ted, please show these boners how a real man uses a guitar…God, if only it was a dildo too

Fetish Fridays! Wha…No Porn?

ARRR! This here grog is good in me gullet!

ARRR! This here grog is good in me gullet!

You heard me! It’s a pornless Fetish Fridays here at Awesomeness this week. (This is a lie…there will be one porn pic at the very end of this post.)

I know, I know, I’m totally killing my 400 plus views a day by leaving out the heaving hooters, the slippery snatches, and the cream filled cocks, but sometimes even I need a break.

But don’t worry too much…you know Canacorn always delivers…

…and today I bring you some Fist-Pumping Rawk-n-Roll For All Three Sexes!”!

Have you heard about a little band from Austin called…wait for it

Tranny plus Danzig, y'all!

Tranny plus Danzig, y'all!

I mean, how could I resist? As soon as a buddy pointed out their flyer to me, I just knew Tranzig deserved a mention on Awesomeness…and FF seemed like the perfect spot for a transgendered Danzig cover band.

Am I right or am I right?

Unfortunately, Tranzig (Jesus, I laugh every time I type it) doesn’t have any videos up…soooooo, I had to find another band somewhat similar to Tranzig that did…you know, just to round out this post.

I can’t just leave y’all with a FF that only has one pic of a flyer and a link to a tranny Danzig MySpace page.

I mean, I already cut out the porn (Once again, this is a lie. Just scroll down to the end of the post for your beloved porn), y’all deserve a little more.

Like…an all gay tribute to Black Flag! They’re called…wait for it

An absolutely FABULOUS tribute to Black Flag!

An absolutely FABULOUS tribute to Black Flag!

Oh man…these boys are too much! They’re even gayer than Black Flag was when Henry Rollins fronted the band!

I’ll let Liberace and Bugger explain:

Nice. Now how about a song?

Now that was awesome!

Okay, okay…I can tell you guys are getting restless…and you’re ready for your promised porn…

Careful what you wish for

Click the pic for a closer look...

Click the pic for a closer look...

See, it’s a panel from some comic where a shemale Elvira has been arrested by a shemale cop for practicing witchcraft. Seems like she cast a spell “morphing” her “beautiful nipples” into “giant cocks“…which is totally illegal under section 13.5 A of the County Witchcraft Provision! And her punishment is a severe “cock fucking” with an UltraQuip 24 in. rubber grip, side handle police batonall the way down to her balls“…wow…really? WTF?

Have a great weekend!

Fetish Fridays! NSFW Reader Mail And BeaverBongs!

Dear Mr. Canacorn...

Dear Mr. Canacorn...

Hey boners!

Sorry the FF posts have been so infrequent lately…you know how it goes, right? Sometimes life just gets in the way and all that.

But it’s back today, kids! So grab a bottle of your favorite personal warming lubricant and a box of tissues and come on!

Today we’re trying out something a little different…READER MAIL!

(You too can play along by sending me an email: mrcanacorn@gmail.com)

Don’t worry…I’ve only received one “letter” so far, so this will be quick…then we can get to today’s FF topic!

The dicks in question

The dicks in question

John Says:
March 27, 2009 at 8:14 pm

I liked your description of dickgirls/futanaria. We have a lot in common based on your profile including originating in the northeast and ending up in the southwest…and comics, and a fun “partner in crime”. Speaking of which…do you have any idea whatsoever how to find one of those fake cock setups that squirt etc…such as Maritza has? I would love to get one for my wife, who would absolutely go nuts with it…but I haven’t found anything at all. This is a last chance option…just wondering if you know something I don’t *smile* For that matter, I suppose I could make one if forced to…any thoughts on how they are attached? (are they attached??)

Okay…a little background…John is referring to this Fetish Fridays Post.

Well John, first things first….Thanks for reading FF (you might even try reading some of the other posts here at Awesomeness) and taking the time to write! And sorry it’s taken me so long to get back to you.

So, let’s get to the, a-hem, meat of your letter! (See what I did there? You asked about cocks and I sai…oh, forget it.) I’m sorry to say, I don’t know where to get one of those fake cock setups…I did some “research” on the internet and came up empty handed. I even tried typing “How to make a fake squirting cock” into Google and everything. Nothing. Zip. Zero. Zilch.

So then I decided to go to straight to the source! Maybe the creator of Futanaria would reveal his cock secrets?!

Well, turns out John isn’t the only one wondering how to get his hands on a giant, strap on, spurting fake cock…oh no, my friends! Quite a few people have been asking about these mysterious devices.

Giant spurting fake cock.

Giant spurting fake cock.

And Craddy (the man behind the Futanaria) is keeping everything about the ladies’ uh…pulsating penile protuberances totally top secret!

Sorry, John…can’t help ya’ buddy *frown*.

Okay…so much for that! Keep those letters (emails) coming, fetish fans!

Moving on!

A couple of weeks ago my blog buddy Myrtle left me this comment, “Have you seen that clip where the guy is taking a bong rip with a special bong that’s inserted into his girlfriends pussy? Try to find it – it’s barf central :-P”

To which I said, “No fucking way!?!? I’m on it! Pussy-bong here comes Canacorn!

And guess what I found. Not just a single clip…oh no…a whole damn website!

I got two words for you guys…well, two words that have been combined to make one word actually…


Hell ya bro!

Hell ya bro!

What’s it all about?


“BeaverBong.com knows how to party! If you love pussy, (who doesn’t) and love da bong (Dude, our girls ARE the bong!) YOU have got to party with us!”

Uh, so these dudes put bongs in girls vaginas…and smoke weed…out of their vagina bongs.

I believe that children are our future...

I believe that children are our future...

I don’t think I have anything else to say about that.

Here’s a song.

ftsh frdys! nsfw txt styl

Gdnght swt prnc

Gdnght swt prnc

Hey there kids! Welcome back to another Fetish Fridays here at Awesomeness!


And by ripped, I mean copied and pasted…and by headlines, I mean local morning news.

It seems that the teenagers are at it again!

These sex obsessed teeny boppers are no longer content with hot rods, burger joints, and rock and roll music!

Oh no, dear readers, these hopped up delinquents have discovered something more sinister than Elvis “The Pelvis” and jazz cigarettes!

It’s called SEXTING!

Yur tddy ber

Yur tddy ber

Now I know you’re wondering, “Just what is this Sexting anyway?”

Well, according to a KVUE news story I browsed on the internet,

Sexting is a new trend where teenagers send sexually explicit photographs through their cell phones.”

Wait a minute…cell phones take pictures? Like a camera?

Okay….if you say so.

So anyway, parents and teachers are getting all wack-a-doodle over this “social danger” and new form of “child pornography“!

Some parents are even thinking about homeschooling their kids because of the dangers of sexting! Really…check what Charles B. Lowers had to say:

Well, you thought that cell phone would keep your kid safe if there was another school shooting. Who knew the shots would actually be homemade porn made with that very same cell phone?!? File this under the complete pornification of our society. What’s an awkward teen boy do to get a date now? He sends a girl a picture of his junk. Parents, can I speak frankly here? If you are not considering homeschooling, you are completely nuts.

ZOUNDS! Child porn? The complete pornification of our society? Screw the adults, that’s some heavy shit for a teen to have to deal with.

And then there’s the thought of some jerk off using your explicit digital picture as a form of blackmail…or even worse…TEXTUAL HARASSMENT!

Old school!

Old school!

Now, I know I’m just some old fogey, but what happened to the good ol’ days when you just used your parent’s Polaroid to snap some naughty pictures of your wing-wang, hoo-ha, or even your wopbopaloobops?

Hardly anyone would see those incredibly hot (and maybe a tad bit embarrassing) sexual rights of passage back in my day!

Now, thanks to technology, those damn things are plastered all over 4 Chan and/or some creep’s blog, forever haunting you and possibly ruining your entire fucking life…forever.

You know what? I agree with Taylor High School junior, Nigel M., when he said, “I think it is a big deal. Maybe the parents need to be aware of what their kids are doing or whatever.

You tell ’em Nigel…’cause God knows I never want a child of mine ever sending or receiving a pic like this on their cell phone:

OMFG, sxting to teh xtrm!

OMFG, sxting to teh xtrm!


And that’s what NSFW is all about!

Later, boners…and thanks for waiting!


Fetish Fridays! DIY And NSFW

Let’s get organized!

Let’s get organized!

Are you tired of paying too much money for overly complicated adult toys?

Do you find yourself frustrated with all those tangled wires and dangerous outlets that come with electrically powered marital aids?

Are you confused by outdated and convoluted laws prohibiting or regulating obscene devices in your home town?

Worry no more!

HOMEMADE SEX TOYS has all the do it yourself instructions for the horny READYMADE man and woman who enjoy creating unique items to have at home…crafted from everyday materials, including household items!

Your fleshy warm vagina is almost ready!

Your fleshy warm vagina is almost ready!

I don’t know how many times I’ve wanted to buy a pocket pussy but just couldn’t muster up the courage to go into the local sex shop and plunk down my hard earned cash!

Well, thanks to HOMEMADE SEX TOYS, all I have to do is hit up the grocery store for some innocuous sundries, gather up a couple of things I have laying around Casa Canacorn and follow these simple instructions:

Step 1: Fill balloons with warm water
Get about four or five balloons. Fill them with warm, not hot, water. Tie the ends so water will not squeeze out. This also works with hot water bottles.

Step 2: Roll a pillow put a plastic bag inside
Take a pillow; roll it up like a tube and tie a string around it or even use your belt. Push the warm water balloons into the opening of the pillow tube. Your fleshy warm vagina is almost ready. Take a small plastic kitchen trash can bag. Push it in between the balloons in the pillow. Put some lubricant of your choice inside the plastic bag that is being tightly squeezed by the balloons.

Step 3: Warm, tight, and slippery fake pussy
Get your dick ready. Put the pillow on bed. Put your dick inside this plastic vagina. You will feel the warmth, slipperiness and tightness you only dreamed of.

Wow! Pretty neat, right?! They have a ton more how tos over at HOMEMADE SEX TOYS like fuckable bean bag chairs, totally awesome lightsaber didlos and wack-a-doodle giant foam finger vibrators for you sports nuts!

To properly brush your vagina, use short, gentle strokes, paying extra attention to the clitoris.

To properly brush your vagina, use short, gentle strokes, paying extra attention to the clitoris.

Now, I know some of you guys and gals are so busy you don’t even have time to read the TV Guide, never mind fussing about with X-acto knives, duct tape, and toilet paper rolls.

Never fear, HOMEMADE SEX TOYS has got your back! They’ll help you see with new eyes…

Just look around your house…there are a bunch of things you can stick your dick into, massage your clit with, or cram into your greedy asshole!

How about your TOOTHBRUSH?!

Hey now, why not use your CELL PHONE?!

Now why didn’t you think of that before? So simple and so genius….

I do believe we owe HOMEMADE SEX TOYS a big ol’, “Thank you,” don’t you?

Alright, I gotta’ get going, but one more picture and link before I beat feet.

This one is for all you Foodies that drop by Awesomeness every Friday…

AAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWW YEAH, fruit and veggie vibrators!

A dildo or masturbation toy may be as close as the refrigerator or fruit bowl.

A dildo or masturbation toy may be as close as the refrigerator or fruit bowl.

They’re Nutritiously Orgasmic!

Thank you, HOMEMADE SEX TOYS, you rule!
(And a thanks to Bwana for turning me on to HST, you rule too!)