You Can’t Feed A Baby LPs Part 2

Okay, boners, I don’t have much time so I’m gonna’ make this quick…

Here’s a batch of soundtracks I’ve picked up over the past month:

recordsjuly 002

I know, I know, you’re pretty sure I have absolutely no filter when it comes to my record purchases…and I have to admit, that might be true…especially when it comes to soundtracks…


I’m not going to put up a video for each of them , but I will say the BRIGHT LIGHTS BIG CITY soundtrack has some killer 80s jams on it…like this one:

What? You thought I was give a fuck about my cred and play Love Attack by Konk?

You Can’t Feed A Baby LPs Part 1

Quinn 071409 024 Yeah, yeah, yeah…just because I got me one of them there baby Canacorns doesn’t mean I’m gonna’ stop buying records.

Cut a dad some slack…besides, most of ’em were used AND I hear that, “all babies have an instinctive sense of rhythm and a love of music,” so I’m actually doing the kid a favor…or whatever.

That okay with you, Judgy McJudgerton?


Now that that’s out of the way…let’s see some of the LPs I’ve picked up this month…it’s been a while since we’ve taken a look at my record purchases, so instead of jamming up this post with a shit-ton of pics and videos I’ve decided to spread them out over a few posts….

recordsjuly 003 Let’s see…where to start?

I guess we’ll go with the ladies…starting left to right on the top row and then left to right on the bottom row…

Well, hello there, Irene Cara!

Sure, we all loved her as Coco Hernandez in Fame and everyone’s favorite karaoke song to sing is the Moroder/Cara classic, “Flashdance…What A Feeling“…but the secret hit off of this record is the awesome “Breakdance“!

Don’t believe me about the awesomeness that is “Breakdance“?

Peep this shit:

Next up are twin knockouts, Cherie and Marie Currie! These two foxes (see what I did there? Cherie was in the Adrian Lyne film…oh, forget it…) only did this one record together…and despite lukewarm (at best) reviews, I still dig it.

Especially the cover of Russ Ballard‘s “Since You’ve Been Gone“:

Moving on…to the beautiful (and busty) Lynda Carter*! Here she is singing “Toto” on Wonder Woman from her 1978 album, Portrait:

*This link is for the Awesomeness reader whose idea of a “Rock N Roll Fantasy” involve an elaborately costumed Ms. Carter doing a medley of Tina Turner, KISS, and Bette Midler songs accompanied by the Ikettes, fruity KISS impersonators and dancing gorillas…which should be all of you.

So this next one is a little misleading…yes there are some super sultry 80s babes in buckskin/mesh Indian inspired dancewear on the cover…but this is all Bohannon all the time.

I’ve talked about the ass shaking power that is Bohannon before…and the BOHANNON FEVER LP is more of the same…so let’s get on this “Party Trainmothersuckers and get funky in our pants areas:

And the last record for today is STARGARD‘s What You Waitin’ For! Look at that cover…the sheer audaciousness of their Danilo Donatiesque FLASH GORDON inspired outfits was worth the 99 cents I paid for this sucker alone.


It doesn’t hurt that their funky brand of R&B is pretty fucking awesome as well…but you’re just going to have to take my word for it since YouTube let me down in the video department.

So, that’s the tip of the LP iceberg today, kids. Tune in next time for a whole bunch of soundtracks…

Playmate* And A Playa

Barbi Benton

Barbi Benton

Sometimes you’re just minding your own business, walking past the used vinyl section of your workplace, and not one, but two LPs jump out at you and shout, “BUY US….BUY USSSSSSSSSSSSS!

And…as always…I obey.

The first record to catch my eye featured a very beautiful 1970s lady striking a classic Gilley’s pose…but faster than you could say, “34B-23-34,” I realized that was no ordinary country gal….that was Barbi Benton!

Holy crap!

PB 406 1975

PB 406 1975

I honestly had no idea she recorded an album….but wait, turns out she’s recorded a handful of records throughout the 70s and 80s. How I didn’t know this is extremely embarrassing, let me tell you.

Anyway, this self titled LP features the hit, “Brass Buckles” plus a bunch of other 70s country crossover gems. There’s even a song written by Chuck Woolery on here….I’m guessing it’s that Chuck Woolery since he was in a band back in the 60s and they even had a semi hit with their groovy track, Naturally Stoned.


Dance Your Ass Off

Dance Your Ass Off

The second LP that I just had to have was Dance Your Ass Off by Hamilton Bohannon.


Who cares.

You put a half naked woman (the bottom half no less) in high heels with a non ironic command to “PLAY THIS RECORD LOUD!” on the cover of your album, I’ll be sure to buy it and guaranteed to love the shit out of it while playing it loud, godammit!

Another way to keep me interested in your record is to have song titles like, Zulu, Bohannon’s Theme, and Trying To Be Slick…oh yeah, and write this on the back cover:

Special thanks to God, my master, savior and Jesus Christ for giving me strength and inspiration to write, arrange, direct, produce and record this album.”

Hamilton Frederick Bohannon

Hamilton Frederick Bohannon

Which is a pretty humble way of saying, “Here’s all the shit that I did thanks to God and Jesus Christ,” if you ask me.

Seriously though, once again I’m kind of embarrassed of having no knowledge of Bohannon.

This record is chock a block full of driving bass lines, funky drumming, disco strings and more foot stompin’ grooves than I thought humanly possible.

I too have to thank The Notorious G-O-D and JC Da Numba One Son for giving Mr. Bohannon the skills to make this record.

Don’t believe me?

Peep this:


*”While being one of the best known women whose fame derives from appearing in Playboy magazine, contrary to popular belief, Barbi Benton has never been featured as a Playmate of the Month centerfold in the magazine. She also never worked as a Playboy Bunny.” –Wiki

One Witch And A Zombi

Chaos 1978-86

Wicked Witch: Chaos 1978-86

Okay Boners, let’s take a break from all the pornography for a few posts and talk about one of my other loves…VINYL.

As some of y’all know, Mr. Canacorn is a bona fide LP junkie..and I’ve been on a record buying tear the past couple of weeks. So, for the next couple of days I’d though I’d share my most recent purchases with the faithful readers of Awesomeness.

First up is Wicked Witch: Chaos 1978-86. I bought this one for the cover alone…I mean, how could this not be awesome, right? We’ve got a brother decked out in his best “Saturday Night Out” black leather and spikes ensemble complete with a fucking hunting knife strapped to his boot! Dear Black people, why don’t y’all dress like this anymore? The leather, fox tails, cowboy hats, space suits, body paint….Christ, what the fuck happened to you, man? Shit, your ass used to be beautiful!

Anyway, you can read a review of Chaos at Dusted Magazine right HERE or just read my take on it:

The music on this record could very well be the soundtrack to that night where I was chloroformed at a urinal in an after hours gay club while partying with John Larroquette and Jeffrey Jones way back in 1982. I remember waking up in a seedy basement wearing nothing but a Marilyn Monroe wig, Minnetonka Moccasins, and a dirty French toile drop-cup nursing nightgown, covered in some sort of something I could only describe as an incompressible Newtonian fluid. What happened for the next 48 hours was similar to a ketamine inspired fever dream of ickyness. Sure, it was all kind of creepy, but possibly the best weekend I’ve ever had. Wicked Witch is dirty electro-funk for the adventurous at its best!” -Mr. C


Zombi: Cosmos

Next up is Cosmos by prog-rockers and the bastard children of Goblin and John Carpenter circa 1980, Zombi.

Joe (from the New Worlds Fair blog) and Finner (of the awesome Baron Grod) have been all over these dudes since this record came out in 2004.

I’ve heard them off and on for the past 5 years but never got around to picking up any of their stuff until now. Why? I have no idea. This duo is making music that is so far up my alley I can taste last night’s dinner…seriously, if you’ve been jonesing for a long lost soundtrack to some obscure 80s Italian thriller this is the band for you. They even have a new record coming out this year called Spirit Animal so you have no reason to not get your Zombi on!

Oh, and they’re from PITTSBURGH…not sure why that matters? Watch some more movies.

Whatevs 08

Picture Unrelated

Picture Unrelated

Over at Lucky Kitty, The Wife posted some of her favorite “whatevers” of 2008 yesterday.

So now that we know what made Momma happy this past year, what about Daddy?

Here’s a quick list of some of my favorite things:

– Seeing my son wave “hello” to me and The Wife during his ultrasound

– Finally getting my goddamned A in Chemistry

– Reading the best Superman comic ever written: All Star Superman

– Joining Netflix

– Watching this:

– Finally owning one of these:

En garde, I'll let you try my Wu-Tang style

En garde, I'll let you try my Wu-Tang style

Also loves:

– Visiting all the crazy awesome blogs out there on the internet (I’m looking especially at you Kindertrauma)

– Bringing you Fetish Fridays on a semi-regular basis

– Pubic hair’s gradual comeback

– Oh, and porn…and records, vinyl records

It’s a short list, but I think you get a feel for what I was about in 2008…I hope everyone had a great 08 and here’s to a super fine 09!

Blood Is Red

5 LP set of Argento soundtracks

5 LP set of Argento soundtracks

I haven’t been blogging about my record purchases lately since I haven’t really been buying any…

But look what rolled into the record store the other day! A 5 LP box set of Dario Argento soundtracks from DAGORED!

Here’s the description:

“Blood Is Red, Dario Argento Ltd Edition Vinyl Box Set

Have a blood red Christmas! the contents of this briefcase may be a nice alternative to the usual Christmas party songs…ring in the new year with Goblin & Morricone and leave Rudolph on the shelf! 5 of the creepiest Dario Argento movie soundtracks on vinyl LP in a limited edition – 250 units – white plastic briefcase with fold-in handle and a blood red serigraphy reproducing Argento fans’ favorite crime scene.

Il gatto a nove code (RED111) – gatefold 180 gram LP
Quattro mosche di velluto grigio (RED139) – 180 gram LP
Profondo rosso (RED137) – gatefold 180 gram LP
Suspiria (RED127) – gatefold 180 gram LP
Tenebre (RED131) – gatefold 180 gram LP”

Oh yes, my fiends...

Oh yes, my fiends...

Isn’t she lovely? DAGORED put all theses LPs out individually over the years (plus a bunch of others) but it’s nice to have them all together.

Out of the 5, Suspiria is the only soundtrack that I would be repurchasing, so I felt that the $90 and change price tag on this set was worth it…and I do get a discount where I work, so that didn’t hurt either.

5 Lps on brown carpet

5 Lps on brown carpet

When these records originally came out they all included mini-posters, but for some reason the ones in the box set do not…a small complaint, I know, but I do love the extra goodies that usually accompany “limited edition” pressings/packaging of things.

The other odd thing I noticed was the lack of numbering anywhere on the box…if these are indeed limited to only 250 units, where’s the nifty little 100/250 sticker?

Oh well, I’m still super stoked about my early Christmas gift to myself, despite my minor gripes. The 180 gram vinyl warms my nerd heart as well as the gatefold sleeves…and the recordings sound fantastic. Granted, I just have a basic stereo system, but I know what I like…and I like what I hear coming from my speakers today!

Okay, I know you want to hear some music, so click the titles below for some awesome tunes:

Il Gatto A Nove Code: Paranoia Prima

Quattro Mosche Di Velluto Grigio: Come Un Madrigale

Profondo Rosso: Death Dies

Suspiria: Sighs

Tenebre: Flashing

I can’t tell y’all how happy these records make me…jealous much?

Who Wants Treats?

I’m gonna’ hit you guys up with a Mr. and Mrs. Canacorn fun fact…we’re both nerds. Not like this couple (be nice, I think they’re adorable)…but we have our moments.

Today I bought my Jeremiah The Innocent vinyl statue…figurine…toy…whatever it is…I just had to have one.


Luckily The Wife deemed him “cute” enough to be allowed to reside in the living room…not stashed away in the office with King Kong, The Bride Of Frankenstein, Metaluna Mutant, Hellboy, Leatherface, Rat Fink….uh, I think you get the picture. But I really don’t have as many toys as you would think…seriously. Anyway, here he is out in public:

The Wife also has her weakness….for Jason Spaceman.

Just about every Spaceman related item in our house is signed…oh, when he played a Waterloo in-store she made him a birthday cake…seriously…and he ate it.

So, when the young lad decides to release a limited edition of his new record, guess who had to have one?

SONGS IN A&E double green vinyl

It is pretty. And speaking of pretty, we have a friend that designs records….check out his stuff at ruined potential…(I love the simplicity of his site.)

Here’s a gift I bought for The Wife:




The love and attention he puts into his releases makes me cry a little.

The last treat was for the both of us:

MISTER LONELY soundtrack

Music by J. Spaceman and Sun City Girls? Something for the whole family.

Jason Heller And I Just Don’t Agree…

Hey kids, what’s up with stuff? I know it’s been a while since I’ve talked about any of my recent record purchases…that’s because I haven’t picked up any new vinyls in a few weeks and I’m sitting on quite a hefty backlog that needs some blogging about.

Soooo, let’s talk The Sword…or as I like to call them, THE “S” WORD! No, not like “shit”…It’s a joke around the record store…one of our employees actually thought the band’s name was THE “S” WORD….groan…welcome to Waterloo, where some employees don’t know shit about shit…

This little guy was limited to 1,000 pieces and I picked one up.

Fire Lances of the Ancient Hyperzephyrians 10″ picture disc!

Wow, check the super sweet art of GEOFF KERN! Man, I need to buy a van and get Mr. Kern to customize the shit out of it toot sweet!

Then there’s the sophomore release by the Demigod’s of Metal: GODS OF THE EARTH

I loved this record as much as AGE OF WINTERS…but one guy totally disagrees with me. His name is Jason Heller…and he pulls no punches.

Here’s Jason Heller’s review of the new Sword LP:

For all intents and purposes, The Sword’s Gods Of The Earth is the exact same album as its predecessor, Age Of Winters. That isn’t a good thing. Like the group’s debut, Gods sounds like a botched retelling of a bad joke about heavy metal. Every moldy riff can be smelled from miles away, and each battleaxe-and-wizard-littered image is lifted wholesale from the side of a ’70s custom van. Of course, there’s a thin line between having fun and poking fun—but it’s never clear where The Sword is coming from. Sadly, it seems likely that these guys take what they do seriously. When did mythic quests and thunderous battles become so quotidian and inconsequential? How can cranking everything to 11 produce such a whimper? With metal-scavenging bands like Big Business and Saviours currently stalking the earth with far more brute force and riff-wielding instinct, The Sword feels dull. In spite of a few points for basic competency—the band deserves at least a little credit for figuring out how to hold their guitars with the strings facing the right way—Age Of Winters comes off as the soundtrack to a particularly lame tactical RPG. Final Fantasy? If only.

A.V. Club Rating: D+

OUCH! Well, I may not agree with Mr. Heller, but I have to admit, I did enjoy his review….and that’s because I haven’t lost my ironic appreciation of irony…or whatever.

“S” WORD….shit or gold?

New To Me Lps

Since my last blog about Nazis went over so well, I thought I’d share a less controversial fun fact:

I write erotic novels… for children.they’re wildly unpopular!*

Just kidding.

What we’re really here for is….another round of new LPs!


I’m a hair too young to have caught this show when it originally aired in the late 50s…which is a damn shame since The World’s Biggest Bad Ass, LEE MARVIN, was the star of the show. I’ll have to seek this out on dvd quick-like.

Even though I was unfamiliar with the show, the Count Basie theme seemed awfully familiar to me for some reason.

M SQUAD opening:

Now watch this:


Since we’re talking about cops, let’s jump to the 80s:

MIAMI VICE soundtracks.

I know you’re all familiar with the tracks featured on these two records, but do you remember Philip Michael Thomas‘ super sweaty, shirtless, sexed up single?


…and speaking of boners:
SEX FOR ADULTS (is fun – particularly when you’re in love)

This is a 70s sex-ed record by Stanley Z. Daniels, M.D. Hoo-boy, is it a humdinger! It features a husband and wife discussing their sexual problems at a doctor’s office. The first line spoken by the husband actually surprised me…it went a little something like this:

Doc: Jim, you made the appointment, tell me why you’re here.
Jim: Doc, she’s becoming a frigid bitch.

WHOA! Give it to her, Jimmy! Luckily, the couple works through all sorts of problems thanks to the hip Doctor. He uses all sorts of Del Close and John Brent “Where it’s at” and “Turn on” 60s hipster-type talk. This record is part of a trilogy: SEX EXPLAINED FOR CHILDREN and SEX FOR TEENS (WHERE IT’S AT)…the later was sampled by Beck….I’ll be on the look out for those, you can bet on it.

Now, from sex to sexy:


The amazing cover and inner sleeve art sold me on this one songs unheard. I couldn’t find any videos for this album, but I did find this:


FUCKING AWESOME! Another dvd to look for…damn.

So that’s this payday’s round of records…actually, I have a couple of others I snagged from the free bin at work…but that’s for another blog.

* This is the first and last joke I’ll ever steal from FRIENDS.