Fetish Fridays! NSFW As Usual

Dr. ASFRian hard at work.

Dr. ASFRian hard at work.

OMFG, look who decided to come on back this Friday!

I thought after last week I’d never see your shining face again. Well, I’m glad you’re here…and today, I’m gonna’ go easy on you.

There will NOT be any overly-engorged genitalia on Awesomeness this Friday…I promise.

Nope, today is all about ASFR, or Technosexuality if your all nerdly, or we can just call it Robot Fetishism, if that makes you feel less intimidated.

Now, I know you’re all, “Wha’? Look Canacorn, I’m not down with that freak-a-deak Fucking Machines website, so don’t even start with videos of the Vulvulator, Autozipper, or the dreaded Fucksall this morning!

Alright, alright, Gawd!

That’s not what this fetish is about anyway! What we have here is “…a fetishistic attraction to humanoid or non-humanoid robots; also to people acting like robots or people dressed in robot costumes. A less common fantasy involves transformation into a robot.

This robot prefers a chair over Paul's Bench.

This robot prefers a chair over Paul's Bench.

You see, some people like to get all Shields and Yarnell when they do the nasty!

These technosexuals get all hot under the pocket protector when thinking about having sex with a robot…and just like us regular folks, none of them want to fuck a Penny, they want a Hope or a Heather…or in their case, a Pris or a Number Six.

Sorry, Aqua Com 89045….get lost, Vera Webster, most ASFRians would rather set their phasers to erect and plug into a Borg than play with your mechanical manholes.

Like all other fetishes, this dorky fetish has some common themes to help set the mood for hot robo-sex-play! Here’s some examples from WinterRose:

START-UP & SHUT-DOWN: In this regard, the Technosexual will percieve the imagined person to be activated or deactivated in all sorts of ways.

MENTAL STATE: There’s an inherent submissive or dominant quality to the robotic.

MOTION AND IMMOBILITY: In some fantasy, robots are not as mobile or as articulate as we human beings are. They move like… Well, like a bunch of clunky robots! Movements can seem stilted. Measured. They can happen with great precision and machine-like grace… or clumsiness.

MALFUNCTION: Let’s face it folks. Robots can seem perfect. But when they go wrong, it becomes VERY obvious what they really are. A twitching, half melted, stuttering, limb-detached, smoking, or erratically behaving robot calls attention to the fact that they ARE a robot.

APPEARANCE: The old saying goes, if it walks like a duck, squawks like a duck, and looks like a duck, it’s likely a duck. The same goes with robots for Technosexuals. The overt appearance of being robotic can take many forms, but will never fail to get some positive reaction out of your circuit-imprinted (As opposed to dyed-in-the-wool) Techno.

Hurm, that’s cool I guess. So, when the Technos aren’t busy jerking it to old robot pin-ups or making believe they’re robots, what else do they do with their spare time? Why, they write erotic robot fiction, duh! Like this excerpt from The Robo-Lover by Nova:

Do I mak3 y0u h-h-h-h0rneeee?

Do I mak3 y0u h-h-h-h0rneeee?

The two moved to his bedroom where they finished undressing each other. He sat on the bed while she stood next to it. Jason caressed her silky skin and rubbed her breasts as he licked her belly. He raised an eyebrow in surprise when he noticed she had absolutely no navel. He smiled, it was yet another reminder that she was indeed not a human. Nova reached down and caressed his head and kissed him. He reached down and ran his fingers along her sex. It was warm, wet and inviting. He reached out for her and turned her around and layed her on the bed on her back. He began to rub and touch her while she caressed his member. He licked and nuzzled at her hairless sex, and was ecstatic when he discovered that it too had a nice cherry flavor and scent to it. Occasionaly he would glance at her exposed mechanics and be spurred to greater ecstasy as he was fulfilling a deep seated fetish in himself.

Oh man, I don’t know about you, but my circuitry is about to overheat! I think I’ll leave you with one last image and a link to a cool NSFW video about ASFR.

Number 5 is alive...and all up in your vagina!

Number 5 is alive...and all up in your vagina!

Now go watch THIS!

I Am The Dreamer…

Holy Cats! I had completely forgotten about COMMUNION until the lovely and talented Unkle Lancifer over at Kindertrauma (which is one of the best blogs on the internet, if you didn’t already know) coaxed it from the Black Lodge of my mind with this post.

I think this quote by Windom Earle sums up the following clip from one of the most bizarre films made in 1989.

A place of almost unimaginable power, chock full of dark forces and vicious secrets. No prayers dare enter this frightful maw. The spirits there care not for good deeds or priestly invocations, they’re as like to rip the flesh from your bone as greet you with a happy “good day.” And if harnessed, these spirits in this hidden land of unmuffled screams and broken hearts would offer up a power so vast that its bearer might reorder the Earth itself to his liking.

….You are the dream, indeed.

No Fucking Way…

Do you guys have that friend that has seen just about every awesome movie ever made? I actually have a couple…sometimes they say things that sound like fantastical, made-up, beautiful, nonsense…like this:

FRIEND: “I saw a great Caesar Romero flick called LATITUDE ZERO recently. Pretty bizarre Japanese thing with man-bats, flying lions, submarines. Definitely recommended.

What?! No way this is real…it just sounds too damn awesome…oh wait…

Fuck…..

Strong As I Am!

This morning I was doing some research on a possible MAN-UP MONDAYS candidate and I came across some sci-fi film I’ve never heard of…Abraxas, Guardian of the Universe!

“What’s it about?” I wondered the same thing and found a plot synopsis at the good ‘ol Wiki!

“The film revolves around the conflict of Abraxas (Jesse Ventura) and Secundus (Sven-Ole Thorsen), two intergalactic police officers, so-called Finders, of an alien race from a planet called Sargacia. Their race is physically similar to humans but with an incredible lifespan; Abraxas himself has been a Finder for at least nine thousand years. Each Finder is equipped with an Answer Box (a device similar to a Mother Box), which serves as a long-distance communicator and scanner, and can detect any object from a distance based on the object’s vibration. Furthermore, when running the test for the Anti-Life Equation, the subject of the scanning will discorporate if he/she does not contain the equation.”

Say what? Answer box? Anti-Life Equation? It leaves me wondering how many more people can rip off Jack Kirby? It also leaves me wondering if there are any scenes of this possibly “so good it’s bad” movie on YouTube?

The answer is, Yes.

So here’s a fan made trailer:

Oh, and this movie also used “Strong As I Am” by THE PRIME MOVERS…which you totally remember from Michael Mann’s MANHUNTER!

Well…that looks…uh…interesting? I wonder what happens next? Maybe some gratuitous slow motion face punching?

Yep….face punching.

Well…back to reality…gotta’ find that special man for tomorrow’s post.

The Most Significant Televisual Event Since “Quantum Leap”…

What could it be,” you ask?

Just a little show from the 80s called Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace! Never heard of it? I’m surprised…I mean, you must have read one or two of Garth’s novels…look over on the bookshelf…nestled between James Joyce and Stephen King…surely THE TITAN OF TERROR resides between these other literary giants!

Do you see a copy of SLICER or AFTERBIRTH or THE OOZE?

NO? What the fuck, man?! Oh, not “a reader”…That’s cool. Well, lucky for you The One Man Fear Factory made a television show and Channel 4 has finally decided to release DARKPLACE…the show that was considered “too subversive, too dangerous, too damn scary” to be aired! Not only do you get the first 6 episodes but also present day interviews with Garth and the rest of the cast!

Here’s a very brief description of DARKPLACE from the wiki:

“The series’…premise is that…in the 1980s, best-selling horror author Garth Marenghi and his publisher/publicist, Dean Learner, made their own…television series with a single intent: “to change the evolutionary course of Man over a series of half-hour episodes.” Set in Darkplace Hospital, “over the very gates of Hell,” in Romford, East London, Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace shows the adventures of Dr. Rick Dagless, M.D., as he fights the forces of darkness while simultaneously coping with the pressures of working in a modern hospital.”

If you’re a fan of KOLCHAK: THE NIGHT STALKER, WEREWOLF, and SWAMP THING then you owe it to yourself to at least check out the first episode…I’ve made it easy for you:

ONCE UPON A BEGINNING (PART 1)

PART 2

PART 3

Go here to learn more about The Dream Weaver, Garth Marenghi!

What, No Frakkin’ Daggit?!

Forty years ago, some human-types made some robots to do all their shitty work around the Twelve Colonies…the robots, you may know them as Cylons, got all pissy and didn’t feel like doing windows or whatever and rebelled. A big ol’ fight broke out between the humans and the Cylons and a young boy’s daggit (that’s space talk for dog) totally got crushed by some rocks. The kid got all bent out of shape over his dead lil’ buddy so some space scientist made him a robot daggit…

I know, you’d think they would have learned after the other robots they made rebelled, but I guess humans just aren’t so smart…anyway, this kid and his daggit got into all sorts of cool adventures all over the universe in a little late 70s show called, BATTLESTAR GALACTICA!

Got all that? Good. Now on to today’s post!

The Wife and I have been watching the newly re-imagined BSG for the past week….Wha? The Wife is watching a space show about a boy and his robot dog?! Sadly, no. The Wife (and I) are watching a space show NOT about a boy and his robotic dog. It seems the creators of BSG decided to drop the whole Muffit II storyline and focus on sex, political intrigue, Mormonism, sex, terrorism, and some more sex. What the frak?

I tried explaining Muffit II to The Wife, but she seemed more interested in the Sexy Cylon’s evil plans than some missing robo-dog. I even pulled out my DVD of the original 1978 TV movie…”Look, there he is on the box…down in the right hand corner!”

The Wife looks at the box and deadpans, “Hmmm, ALF was on the show?”

ALF? ALF? ALF was a damnable hand puppet and a pair of furry gloves for Christ’s sake! Sure, sure, we all know Michu Meszaros had to occasionally hump it in that stupid ALF suit every once in a blue moon but do you know how BSG brought Muffit II to life?

THEY STUFFED A FUCKING CHIMPANZEE INSIDE OF THAT FUCKING SUIT, THAT’S HOW!



Holee-shit! Now that’s what I call a commitment to excellence! Frak you, Paul Fusco!

Anyway, the new BSG is pretty cool…I just wish it had some frakkin’ daggits is all.