Premio Dardo…Major Award Or Cyber Herpes?

majorprizetelegram

Would you look at that? Looks like me, Mr. Canacorn, is the proud recipient of a Premio Dardo Award! That’s right, my favorite Unkle and Auntie over at Kindertrauma were kind enough to bestow the prestigious P to the D to me (and 4 other awesome bloggers) a few days ago.

Wow…that’s just great…I’m flattered…now…um…what the fuck is it?

dardo-1 Basically, it’s a form of cyber herpe (not to be confused with a space herpe) that us promiscuous bloggers seem to catch by romping all over the damn internet rubbing our cyber junk on every Tom, Dick, and Harry with a blog of their own.

Actually, there’s a better description of The Dart Award over at K-Squared Ramblings if you prefer a little more research and less sarcasm with your explanations….but I’m fond of the whole herpes thing.

Honestly, I am really flattered that the Kindertrauma boys picked me…I mean, if I’m going to catch some sort of cyber herpes from the internet, I can’t think of a nicer couple of guys to get it from.

So, I guess I should make with some viral shedding and recognize 5 other “unique voices and visions on the Web” and “promote fraternization amongst bloggers of all sorts” already.

A-hemAs Mayor of the Altered State of Druggachusetts, I declare these blogs to be…AWESOME!

NUMBER 1: THE NAKED JUNGLE

Make your house a home with the Paul Snider Sex Bench!

Make your house a home with the Paul Snider Sex Bench!


It’s the “Official blog” of Gorillanaut.com, so not only do you get links to movie reviews, but you also get posts about invisible raping gorillas, monsters, and Zebedy Colt!

…um, full disclosure here…I’m friends with Bwana and occasionally write a review or two for G’Naut, but that doesn’t mean I love his blog any more than the next four on this here list…

NUMBER 2: CHRIS’S INVINCIBLE SUPER-BLOG

This really captures the whole spirit of this award, don't cha' think?

This really captures the whole spirit of this award, don't cha' think?


Oh, The ISB…I can’t say enough good things about Chris’s blog…he’s been accused of hilarity, sarcasm, and straight up mockery of comic books and the comic industry, but it’s his unflinching and undying love of the medium that keeps me coming back on a daily basis. Listen up nerds, if you want more Silver Age references than you can shake a Super-Science Stick at, The ISB is the blog for you! Curious about what to buy at ye olde comic shoppe? The ISB has got you covered with The Week In Ink…you get the best reviews of the latest releases and it always comes with a guaranteed kick in the face!

NUMBER 3: LOVE TRAIN FOR THE TENEBROUS EMPIRE

You'll find a god in every golden cloister And if you're lucky then the god's a she

You'll find a god in every golden cloister And if you're lucky then the god's a she

A gay friend once told me that White guys that are only into Asian chicks are at the last stop on the train to Gay Town…and I couldn’t agree more. But what does that have to do with the Tenebrous One’s blog? Um…uh…they both involve trains? Okay, nothing, but I’ve always wanted to get that out on my blog…anyway…back to The Love Train

Just who runs this creepy little corner of the internet? Why it’s your tenebrous hostess, Tenebrous Kate! She’s a Libra that’s into Eurotrash movies, long walks through creepy castles, and she’s got a thing for nuns….She’s a member of The League of Tana Tea Drinkers
and she met a real live Krampus this year! Wow.

Number 4: HOUSE OF SELF-INDULGENCE

Likes taupe

Likes taupe

Okay, okay, I know I’ve been sucking the teet of this blog for weeks now, but I just love it so damn much! Yum-Yum‘s taste in everything from movies to music just warms my cold little heart…and thanks to this site I’ve been turned on to Dallas firecracker and Casa Canacorn official Goddess, Mary Cherry! For that alone, I am eternally at Yum-Yum‘s service.

SSSSHHH…Don’t tell The Wife (or Auntie John), but I think I’m totally cyber crushing on Yum-Yum.

Number 5: ZOMBIE VS SHARK

You know, sometimes with my busy schedule, I don’t have time to read the T.V. Guide…never mind some blog that’s all, “Blah, blah, blah, fucking blah,” all the live long day. Well that’s why someone with a bigger brain than mine made Tumblr.

Blogs on Tumblr are fun and easy, breezy, beautiful, like some sort of cover girl or whatever. And the Christie Brinkley of Tumblr blogs that I visit just happens to belong to Justin.

This young man has a taste for the finer things in life, like, “photography, zombies, Star Wars, rock n’ roll, cupcakes, Godzilla, ninjas, boobs, and explosions.” I can totally get on board with all of the above. Well done, sir…well done.

Whew…and that’s probably the most link heavy post I ever done did. If you have some free time this week, check out these five awesome bloggers for a walk on the wild side…’cause all the colored girls go, “Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo,
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
.”

Fetish Fridays! NSFW As Usual

Dr. ASFRian hard at work.

Dr. ASFRian hard at work.

OMFG, look who decided to come on back this Friday!

I thought after last week I’d never see your shining face again. Well, I’m glad you’re here…and today, I’m gonna’ go easy on you.

There will NOT be any overly-engorged genitalia on Awesomeness this Friday…I promise.

Nope, today is all about ASFR, or Technosexuality if your all nerdly, or we can just call it Robot Fetishism, if that makes you feel less intimidated.

Now, I know you’re all, “Wha’? Look Canacorn, I’m not down with that freak-a-deak Fucking Machines website, so don’t even start with videos of the Vulvulator, Autozipper, or the dreaded Fucksall this morning!

Alright, alright, Gawd!

That’s not what this fetish is about anyway! What we have here is “…a fetishistic attraction to humanoid or non-humanoid robots; also to people acting like robots or people dressed in robot costumes. A less common fantasy involves transformation into a robot.

This robot prefers a chair over Paul's Bench.

This robot prefers a chair over Paul's Bench.

You see, some people like to get all Shields and Yarnell when they do the nasty!

These technosexuals get all hot under the pocket protector when thinking about having sex with a robot…and just like us regular folks, none of them want to fuck a Penny, they want a Hope or a Heather…or in their case, a Pris or a Number Six.

Sorry, Aqua Com 89045….get lost, Vera Webster, most ASFRians would rather set their phasers to erect and plug into a Borg than play with your mechanical manholes.

Like all other fetishes, this dorky fetish has some common themes to help set the mood for hot robo-sex-play! Here’s some examples from WinterRose:

START-UP & SHUT-DOWN: In this regard, the Technosexual will percieve the imagined person to be activated or deactivated in all sorts of ways.

MENTAL STATE: There’s an inherent submissive or dominant quality to the robotic.

MOTION AND IMMOBILITY: In some fantasy, robots are not as mobile or as articulate as we human beings are. They move like… Well, like a bunch of clunky robots! Movements can seem stilted. Measured. They can happen with great precision and machine-like grace… or clumsiness.

MALFUNCTION: Let’s face it folks. Robots can seem perfect. But when they go wrong, it becomes VERY obvious what they really are. A twitching, half melted, stuttering, limb-detached, smoking, or erratically behaving robot calls attention to the fact that they ARE a robot.

APPEARANCE: The old saying goes, if it walks like a duck, squawks like a duck, and looks like a duck, it’s likely a duck. The same goes with robots for Technosexuals. The overt appearance of being robotic can take many forms, but will never fail to get some positive reaction out of your circuit-imprinted (As opposed to dyed-in-the-wool) Techno.

Hurm, that’s cool I guess. So, when the Technos aren’t busy jerking it to old robot pin-ups or making believe they’re robots, what else do they do with their spare time? Why, they write erotic robot fiction, duh! Like this excerpt from The Robo-Lover by Nova:

Do I mak3 y0u h-h-h-h0rneeee?

Do I mak3 y0u h-h-h-h0rneeee?

The two moved to his bedroom where they finished undressing each other. He sat on the bed while she stood next to it. Jason caressed her silky skin and rubbed her breasts as he licked her belly. He raised an eyebrow in surprise when he noticed she had absolutely no navel. He smiled, it was yet another reminder that she was indeed not a human. Nova reached down and caressed his head and kissed him. He reached down and ran his fingers along her sex. It was warm, wet and inviting. He reached out for her and turned her around and layed her on the bed on her back. He began to rub and touch her while she caressed his member. He licked and nuzzled at her hairless sex, and was ecstatic when he discovered that it too had a nice cherry flavor and scent to it. Occasionaly he would glance at her exposed mechanics and be spurred to greater ecstasy as he was fulfilling a deep seated fetish in himself.

Oh man, I don’t know about you, but my circuitry is about to overheat! I think I’ll leave you with one last image and a link to a cool NSFW video about ASFR.

Number 5 is alive...and all up in your vagina!

Number 5 is alive...and all up in your vagina!

Now go watch THIS!

Says It All!

I now present to you some links (and a totally insensitive and tasteless inside joke between myself and Bwana):

Make your mark!

Let’s make a movie!

Be safe!

Okay, last one…