Good Time Gone Bad

star Wai, Grashoppers!

When I heard that Master David was found dead in a hotel in Bangkok, I resisted the urge to post a quickie memorial here at Awesomeness.

The details were just coming out and the early reports suggested suicide…the Thai police hadn’t released the info about the whole rope tied around his neck and genitals yet, but I had a sneaking suspicion that Master David was a victim of a good time gone bad right from the jump.

As more info comes out of Bangkok it seems like I’m probably right….but hey, who knows, maybe it was murder? Foul play is still a bitter pill to swallow when it comes to losing a family member or a friend, but it sure is a whole lot less awkward and embarrassing than some private sex act gone wrong.

Because once you’re the “died jerking off guy“, that’s pretty much all everybody remembers about you and your name ends up tacked onto a Wikipedia page under “Erotic asphyxiation: Accidental death, famous cases“. And who the fuck wants that?

The Wife was totally bummed Master David (maybe) died in an auto-erotic asphyxiation accident…she really felt that he should have “gone out in a blaze of glory“…like in a knife fight with a couple of Thai ladyboys or something just as awesome…

Well, I’ve been keeping my eye on a reputable news source, and they’ve been saying Master David was murdered…by a couple of Thai ladyboys! WTF!?!!

Check it:

GL25Carradine June 9, 2009 David Carradine Killing

“KUNG FU legend David Carradine was murdered! That’s the shocking conclusion of experts who believe evidence found in the actor’s Thailand hotel room – and autopsy secrets – point to the cover-up of a chilling crime. This week GLOBE unravels the mystery the entire world is talking about.”

GL26carradine June 17, 2009 Revealed! Who Killed Carradine

“DAVID Carradine was strangled in his Bangkok hotel room by TWO drag queens! That’s the chilling conclusion of the Kung Fu star’s movie producer, who is ripping the lid off a bizarre murder cover-up plot. It’s all in our blockbuster Special Report about the tragedy that’s shocked the world.”

Damn, Master David, way to keep real! I can only hope to get myself into such awesome shenanigans when I’m in my 70s….seriously, fighting a couple of transsexual kung fu assassins to the death in a fancy hotel in Bangkok is a damn fine way to go!

Having those tranny bitches make it look like an autoerotic fatality is fucking cold blooded…but I’d expect nothing less from a secret sect of Shaolin shemales from the martial-arts underworld!

Bitches, man…bitches!

You can bet I’ll be following this story until the FBI catch those deadly kathoey-saloeys and clear Master David’s name! So, as they say in Thailand, sawatdee! Which pretty much means, Canacorn out! (Why the fuck doesn’t Ryan say that anymore…it has such a douchey charm to it…)

Fetish Fridays! Let’s Get Small Edition (NSFW)

When you're crotch-height, it's hard to make a good impression. -Anthony Daniels

When you're crotch-height, it's hard to make a good impression. -Anthony Daniels

I remember a time before The Roloffs were on the tee-vee when little people were called midgets or dwarfs and instead of doing boring everyday type stuff like shopping or playing soccer they did cool midget stuff like wrestling and being Jawas and Ewoks.

But that’s neither here nor there…’cause it’s Friday and we all know what you expect from Awesomeness on Fridays…An educated and unbiased exploration into the powerful and persistent sexual interest other than in copulatory or precopulatory behavior with phenotypically normal, consenting adult human partners.

Heh, who the fuck am I kidding? I know you came for one thing and one thing only…PORN!

And if you were picking up what I was dropping down, then you’ve already figured out that we’re talking midget porn today!

Now, now, don’t be scared…they’re just like you and me, you know…just little-er. Hell, even Sarah Silverman got in on this whole midget fucking thing when she split with Jimmy Kimmel and then ended up banging Vern Troyer on video last year. So relax…if it’s good enough for Sarah to make a sex tape with Mini-Me, it’s gotta be good enough for you.

Alrighty then, let’s get this party started! First up, how about the not so subtlety named site, Midget Porn! Have I ever told you guys how much I appreciate the simple and sincere naming of these porn sites? Anyway, here’s what they promise:

“Welcome to the Midget Porn, the biggest sex place where the shortest peoples are expressing their sexual appetence. This site is dedicated to people who like to watch little man and woman pleasuring them self’s in big hardcore and softcore explicit action. Those people know only for the best satisfaction because of the fact that their thirst is much stronger then in the ordinary man….Hear their loudly screaming’s while midget asses and pussies are being raw fucked and watch male midget moaning when it’s dick start penetrating some slutty shaved pink pussy lips!”

Goddamn, I really want to meet the people that write this stuff!

Little man, big hardcore

Little man, big hardcore

Wow…but do they deliver?

Sure they do….by delivering a bunch of links to Midget Cum (It’s the site Where Girls Swallow Midget Cum apparently)…and Bang A Midget (Where Horny midget babes love to suck big cock obviously)…

Which is cool I guess…but something is missing. I just can’t put my normal sized finger on it…

I mean, there’s Bridget The Midget clips and then there’s this chick with “I HEART MIDGETS” written on her forehead eating jizz with a spoon…

Dear God, did I just type that and put a link in there for a video? What’s wrong with me?

Don’t you judge me! You clicked on it too! I didn’t force you into that…damn…go easy on Mr. Canacorn, kids. I’m just here to help.

Where was I? Oh, something was missing…but what was it? There were regular sized women having sex with little dudes and there were tiny ladies having sex with normal sized guys…shit, there was even that racist midget getting fucked by that black dude!

What more do I expect from a midget porn site?

Oh, I don’t know….

How about……

The world’s smallest and wildest T-Girl!

I love you, internet.

I love you, internet.

Is that too much to ask? I think not. God bless you, Ruby Rod.

My work is done for today…see you next week.

Fetish Fridays! Always NSFW

Hey there! Miss me last Friday? I bet it wasn’t me that you were missing…it was the dirty pictures and naughty links, wasn’t it? It’s cool, you can be honest…It doesn’t hurt my feelings that some of you porndogs only drop by Awesomeness once a week just to get your fetish on.

So, what should we discuss today?

gia-002 Oh! I think I promised you guys and gals something to do with Shemales for this week!

As you can see by my autographed picture of Gia Darling, we are transgendered friendly at Casa Canacorn….but I think I want to cover something just a little bit different today.

Ever hear of Futanari? I bet some of you have, but you’re more familiar with the Americanized name of “Dickgirls“.

I know, real creative, right?

Okay, for those of y’all who don’t know what in the heck I’m talking about, here’s some descriptions from good ol’ Wiki:

The term futanari is usually reserved for characters drawn in an anime art style.

The traditional form of futanari in which the female character is depicted as having both male and female sexual organs (the penis sprouting out above the clitoris and vagina).

A variation on this form in which the penis takes the place of the clitoris.

A variation on the two above forms in which the testicles are omitted (i.e. the character will have a penis but no testicles).

It is interesting to note that, in some cases, the futanari character is depicted as having a penis and/or testicles that have grown to a size which is physically impossible.

Hmmmmmmmmmm, this all sounds a bit curious and kind of bizarre…which is just what we like here at Awesomeness, but futanari is usually animated…and we did animation last time. I’d hate to repeat myself…I wonder if there’s some real live futanari out there on the internet?

Of course there is!

masthead01

WTF? Seriously.

WTF? Seriously.

The pic is kind of small, but I think you get the gist of it.

Not convinced this is your thing?

Well, peep some teaser videos HERE…or take some time to meet the girls by reading their bios and checking out their cum cannons HERE!

I think my favorite gal just might be Martiza Meatsaber….or maybe it’s Stephani Spurtswad

Well, maybe you can decide which sexy teen chicks with a huge fuck stick you like best at Futanaria.com….but God knows I just can’t decide.

Wow, I can feel your resistance to this one from here…what’s wrong? It’s the whole giant cock and balls on a chick thing isn’t it? Would it make you feel better if I told you that the penis isn’t real? It’s fake…it’s okay…really.

Alright, I’ll stop.

You know, maybe Bakunyū is more your thing! How does this grab ya’?

Holy Mary, mother of God!

Holy Mary, mother of God!

That’s better isn’t it? Gigantic tits on a chick is so much easier to wrap your brain around than a gigantic dick on a chick, right? Well, you should hop on over to Mastasia.com and see what they have to offer you….you won’t be disappointed.