The Demon And The Dr.

Ebert: Zero stars and no thumbs up

Ebert: Zero stars and no thumbs up

Hey kids! What’s shakin’?

Not much new here…oh, wait…I did just watch this movie called CHAOS.

I liked it enough…well, more than Roger Ebert did, that’s for sure!

Ever hear of it?

No?

No worries….hop on over to Gorillanaut and read my review!

Anyway, what I really wanted to talk about was one of the special features on the CHAOS DVD! It’s called INSIDE THE CORONER’S OFFICE (A TOUR OF THE L.A. CORONER’S CRYPT)!

It has to be seen to be believed.

Don’t feel like renting it?

Okay fine, I’ll give you a quick rundown! God, I have to do everything for you guys!

Welcome to sunny California!

So uh, we can really film in here?

So uh, we can really film in here?

Let’s go in!

No shirt, no shoes, no dice...awww, fuck it.

No shirt, no shoes, no dice...awww, fuck it.

So now we get about 17 minutes of a greased up, shirtless Dave “The Demon” DeFalco (the writer/director of CHAOS) flexing and ranting (wrestler style) about how brutal the world (and his movie) is and how much Roger Ebert sucks…in front of real dead bodies (wrapped in plastic)!

Homicides, suicides...and uh, all the other ides!

Homicides, suicides...and uh, all the other ides!

Dude, I get it…you’re a wrestler…but isn’t there some kind of law or health code thing that says shirts are required in the fucking county coroner’s office?

TOTAL BRUTAL!

TOTAL BRUTAL!

Even better than Dave’s awesome display of power is the awkward and creepy tour of the coroner’s office by forensic technician Michael A. Cormier.

NOT an actor.

NOT an actor.

This dude is even weirder than DeFalco…he’s kind of a mix between Dr. Lawrence Jacoby and Dr. Matthew “Frankenstein” Logan. He walks us through the various crypts pointing out all sorts of stuff, like dead babies (wrapped in plastic) and dead fat people (wrapped in plastic)!

That's six hundred pounds of autopsy, baby!

That's six hundred pounds of autopsy, baby!

He even shows off his “tools of the trade”…including a long handle, curved head branch trimmer and a dry erase marker!

And this gets rid of the ribcage!

And this gets rid of the ribcage!

Scalpel, check! Marker, check!

Scalpel, check! Marker, check!

The best part is when DeFalco and Cormier meet up at the end and discuss their next project! A film more brutal than CHAOS…

Let's call it a theory for now...

Let's call it a theory for now...

It’s called THE DEVIL’S DOORWAY and it’s all about their “theory” of how true evil manifests in human beings…through methamphetamines! You see, the meth opens up a doorway to another dimension allowing demons to possess these meth-heads and then these possessed speed freaks commit brutal crimes!

I am not making this up….and I seriously want to see that film…it sound more awesome than awesome!

You are looking at the future of horror, or whatever.

You are looking at the future of horror, or whatever.

So that’s about it….oh, and I totally lost count of how many times DeFalco said the word brutal.

Total Brutal

I’ve been hearing about this little metalcore nerdfest for a while now but I’ve held off on listening to it for some reason. Well, I finally got my hands on a cd yesterday.

Obviously Ed Repka‘s cover art is fucking killer. The band name and album title is simple yet genius. There are “guitar solos on every song by world class shredders.” Oh, and it has a theme…you see, all songs are based on Arnold Schwarzenegger one liners from the 80s.

Heh. My musical tastes have mellowed a bit in my old age, but this is just too fucking ridiculous not to love.

I wish the official video for GET TO THE CHOPPA was online already, but it’s not…so this will have to do for now: