What the fuck is that smell? Where is it coming from? Is it me? No it can’t be..wanna know why? Here’s a real quick Canacorn fun fact: I don’t stink. Seriously, I have no body odor. Just ask The Wife. It’s true….I don’t even have to wear deodorant. Weird, huh?
Anyway, back to that fucking smell….oh look, it’s the refrigerator at work. Now that The Wife doesn’t work at the record store anymore, who’s gonna’ clean it out? There’s about 90 of us here, why won’t anyone man-up and clean this OPERATION WHITECOAT inspired diarrhea factory?
Alright, that’s it! I’ll do it.
So, the first rule for cleaning out the Waterloo fridge is: ALWAYS LEAVE A NOTE WARNING THE EMPLOYEES THAT THEIR ROTTING LEFTOVERS WILL BE UNCEREMONIOUSLY THROWN IN THE GARBAGE.
The best part about my note…as I was writing it, a fellow employee said, “Oh great. I was wondering when someone was going to do this.”
Don’t worry kids, you still have a Canacorn to lean on to do your dirty work!
So, what’s inside the Waterloo fridge? Let’s take a looksee.
What’s the worse thing that could happen?
Well, it’s been worse. Let’s get a little closer.
Seriously? You guys super suck. But what is that smell?!
Gah! That stinks…but it’s not quite right.
Bleh! That’s the one!
Hey, boners , next time somebody else is going to have to do this! Oh, who am I kidding? I’m the only employee around here that doesn’t enjoy wallowing in their own shit.
This is the “food” that some of my illustrious employees will complain about being thrown away….obviously, they are junior Mycologists and I’m some sort of senior asshole.
And now the note to let my little piggies know what has happened.
What’s a Performance Bonus, you ask. Well, it’s some sort of elusive monetary reward promised to Waterloovians for going above and beyond their normal duties at work….and it’s something I still have yet to receive. No surprises there. You’re welcome.