Ebert: Zero stars and no thumbs up
Not much new here…oh, wait…I did just watch this movie called CHAOS.
I liked it enough…well, more than Roger Ebert did, that’s for sure!
Ever hear of it?
No?
No worries….hop on over to Gorillanaut and read my review!
Anyway, what I really wanted to talk about was one of the special features on the CHAOS DVD! It’s called INSIDE THE CORONER’S OFFICE (A TOUR OF THE L.A. CORONER’S CRYPT)!
It has to be seen to be believed.
Don’t feel like renting it?
Okay fine, I’ll give you a quick rundown! God, I have to do everything for you guys!
Welcome to sunny California!
So uh, we can really film in here?
Let’s go in!
No shirt, no shoes, no dice...awww, fuck it.
So now we get about 17 minutes of a greased up, shirtless Dave “The Demon” DeFalco (the writer/director of CHAOS) flexing and ranting (wrestler style) about how brutal the world (and his movie) is and how much Roger Ebert sucks…in front of real dead bodies (wrapped in plastic)!
Homicides, suicides...and uh, all the other ides!
Dude, I get it…you’re a wrestler…but isn’t there some kind of law or health code thing that says shirts are required in the fucking county coroner’s office?
TOTAL BRUTAL!
Even better than Dave’s awesome display of power is the awkward and creepy tour of the coroner’s office by forensic technician Michael A. Cormier.
NOT an actor.
This dude is even weirder than DeFalco…he’s kind of a mix between Dr. Lawrence Jacoby and Dr. Matthew “Frankenstein” Logan. He walks us through the various crypts pointing out all sorts of stuff, like dead babies (wrapped in plastic) and dead fat people (wrapped in plastic)!
That's six hundred pounds of autopsy, baby!
He even shows off his “tools of the trade”…including a long handle, curved head branch trimmer and a dry erase marker!
And this gets rid of the ribcage!
Scalpel, check! Marker, check!
The best part is when DeFalco and Cormier meet up at the end and discuss their next project! A film more brutal than CHAOS…
Let's call it a theory for now...
It’s called THE DEVIL’S DOORWAY and it’s all about their “theory” of how true evil manifests in human beings…through methamphetamines! You see, the meth opens up a doorway to another dimension allowing demons to possess these meth-heads and then these possessed speed freaks commit brutal crimes!
I am not making this up….and I seriously want to see that film…it sound more awesome than awesome!
You are looking at the future of horror, or whatever.
So that’s about it….oh, and I totally lost count of how many times DeFalco said the word brutal.
Awesomeness For Awesome's Sake. 
April 16, 2009 at 9:21 pm
Why am I craving ham all of the sudden?
Seriously, from the point of view of a REAL Angeleno, as well as someone who works for the Gubment, he shouldn’t be in there for HIPPA reasons, let alone for not wearing a shirt. I mean, shit – can’t the dead rest without having to put up with a douche with a baby ponytail?
April 17, 2009 at 5:36 am
HA HA HA…good point, Myrt!
Did you notice his cute little wrestling tan in the “No shirt, no shoes, no dice…” pic?
Sexy, no?
April 30, 2012 at 9:28 pm
LOL! what a funny guy DeFalco is. And that Cormier guy is a riot. I hope all you fuck tards in Los Angeles do not have to go in to the Coroners office one day.
September 30, 2021 at 4:00 pm
[…] the site Awesome for Awesome’s Sake, the video is said to be “17 minutes of a greased up, shirtless Dave “The Demon” DeFalco […]