Premio Dardo…Major Award Or Cyber Herpes?

Would you look at that? Looks like me, Mr. Canacorn, is the proud recipient of a Premio Dardo Award! That’s right, my favorite Unkle and Auntie over at Kindertrauma were kind enough to bestow the prestigious P to the D to me (and 4 other awesome bloggers) a few days ago.

Wow…that’s just great…I’m flattered…now…um…what the fuck is it?

Basically, it’s a form of cyber herpe (not to be confused with a space herpe) that us promiscuous bloggers seem to catch by romping all over the damn internet rubbing our cyber junk on every Tom, Dick, and Harry with a blog of their own.

Actually, there’s a better description of The Dart Award over at K-Squared Ramblings if you prefer a little more research and less sarcasm with your explanations….but I’m fond of the whole herpes thing.

Honestly, I am really flattered that the Kindertrauma boys picked me…I mean, if I’m going to catch some sort of cyber herpes from the internet, I can’t think of a nicer couple of guys to get it from.

So, I guess I should make with some viral shedding and recognize 5 other “unique voices and visions on the Web” and “promote fraternization amongst bloggers of all sorts” already.

A-hem…As Mayor of the Altered State of Druggachusetts, I declare these blogs to be…AWESOME!

NUMBER 1: THE NAKED JUNGLE

Make your house a home with the Paul Snider Sex Bench!

It’s the “Official blog” of Gorillanaut.com, so not only do you get links to movie reviews, but you also get posts about invisible raping gorillas, monsters, and Zebedy Colt!

…um, full disclosure here…I’m friends with Bwana and occasionally write a review or two for G’Naut, but that doesn’t mean I love his blog any more than the next four on this here list…

NUMBER 2: CHRIS’S INVINCIBLE SUPER-BLOG

This really captures the whole spirit of this award, don't cha' think?

Oh, The ISB…I can’t say enough good things about Chris’s blog…he’s been accused of hilarity, sarcasm, and straight up mockery of comic books and the comic industry, but it’s his unflinching and undying love of the medium that keeps me coming back on a daily basis. Listen up nerds, if you want more Silver Age references than you can shake a Super-Science Stick at, The ISB is the blog for you! Curious about what to buy at ye olde comic shoppe? The ISB has got you covered with The Week In Ink…you get the best reviews of the latest releases and it always comes with a guaranteed kick in the face!

NUMBER 3: LOVE TRAIN FOR THE TENEBROUS EMPIRE

You'll find a god in every golden cloister And if you're lucky then the god's a she

A gay friend once told me that White guys that are only into Asian chicks are at the last stop on the train to Gay Town…and I couldn’t agree more. But what does that have to do with the Tenebrous One’s blog? Um…uh…they both involve trains? Okay, nothing, but I’ve always wanted to get that out on my blog…anyway…back to The Love Train…

Just who runs this creepy little corner of the internet? Why it’s your tenebrous hostess, Tenebrous Kate! She’s a Libra that’s into Eurotrash movies, long walks through creepy castles, and she’s got a thing for nuns….She’s a member of The League of Tana Tea Drinkers…
and she met a real live Krampus this year! Wow.

Number 4: HOUSE OF SELF-INDULGENCE

Likes taupe

Okay, okay, I know I’ve been sucking the teet of this blog for weeks now, but I just love it so damn much! Yum-Yum‘s taste in everything from movies to music just warms my cold little heart…and thanks to this site I’ve been turned on to Dallas firecracker and Casa Canacorn official Goddess, Mary Cherry! For that alone, I am eternally at Yum-Yum‘s service.

SSSSHHH…Don’t tell The Wife (or Auntie John), but I think I’m totally cyber crushing on Yum-Yum.

Number 5: ZOMBIE VS SHARK

Get yours at http://www.fright-rags.com

You know, sometimes with my busy schedule, I don’t have time to read the T.V. Guide…never mind some blog that’s all, “Blah, blah, blah, fucking blah,” all the live long day. Well that’s why someone with a bigger brain than mine made Tumblr.

Blogs on Tumblr are fun and easy, breezy, beautiful, like some sort of cover girl or whatever. And the Christie Brinkley of Tumblr blogs that I visit just happens to belong to Justin.

This young man has a taste for the finer things in life, like, “photography, zombies, Star Wars, rock n’ roll, cupcakes, Godzilla, ninjas, boobs, and explosions.” I can totally get on board with all of the above. Well done, sir…well done.

Whew…and that’s probably the most link heavy post I ever done did. If you have some free time this week, check out these five awesome bloggers for a walk on the wild side…’cause all the colored girls go, “Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo,
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.”

Who You Gonna’ Call?

Image from http://www.drunkenstepfather.com

Ok, I’ve heard of demonic possession and I’ve heard of haunted homes, cars, trails, graveyards…Hell, I’m even familiar with haunted asses (NSFW)…but a haunted vagina?

You’ve got to be kidding me…

Nope.

No joke.

There’s totally a haunted vagina out there and I had no idea!

Jim was never breast fed as a baby

Well, until I read about it at The ISB yesterday. This haunted vagina is the brainchild of comic creator and (I can only assume) chronic masturbator, Jim Balent! Who is this Jim? What is he about? I must know more about the man who set the world on fire with his haunted vagina…

TO THE INTERNET!!

“Balent usually draws women with extremely large breasts. Increasingly, he has drawn the majority of his women completely naked.” –Wikipedia

“…I was really into Frank Miller’s run on Daredevil, and I just ate up all the ninja stories. I even did research. It even sort of threw me into the martial arts world where I became a 2nd degree brown belt in karate.” -Jim in a 2002 interview with The Trades

He had a “secret Wiccan Star Wars wedding” at the Hard Rock Hotel in Orlando. His wife wore a metal bikini and he dressed up as Darth Vader…check out the wedding photos!

Okay, I think I’ve heard enough.

Let’s see…

Loves to draw big tits.

Actually did “research” on Ninjas and made it all the way to a brown belt in karate.

Is into Wicca (just to get laid, I’m sure…only chicks dig Wicca).

Dressed up as Darth Vader on his wedding day.

Oh, he’s a 15 year old nerd trapped in a grown man’s body.

‘Cause only a 15 year old nerd could have come up with this:

Image courtesy of http://www.the-isb.com

“Truly, a forgotten treasure.” -Mr. Sims

There are many reasons why I visit Chris’s Invincible Super-Blog every afternoon while eating my lunch….my interest in all things Mind Force, for one…and it’s the only decent site out there where I can get my “ROM ON” on a regular basis.

But most importanyly, like myself, Mr. Sims is a man obsessed with ALL THINGS AWESOME….like this:

MONKEY VERSUS NAZIS--OMAC STYLE!

Pretty fucking rad, huh? Peep the post about a gorilla using a machine gun…on a tank…until he runs out of ammo…then takes on a batch of Nazis…with his fists…HERE.

But we’re not here to talk Nazis or gorillas today, kids….Well, I mean, we could…ever see a gorilla wrassel a gladiator?

(Clip courtesy of Gorillanaut…of course!)

Nice…anyway…um, where was I? Oh, The ISB!

So, Mr. Sims was doing his yearly recap the other day and he mentioned his discovery of DC’s all-but-forgotten kids’ comic, Li’l Bruce Wayne!

What the?!

I know what you’re thinking…and it’s along the lines of, “Comics are for babies, Canacorn…make with the pornography…”

I mean, “No way! A Richie Rich style comic about Bruce Wayne’s childhood? Awesome!” ‘Cause that’s what I thought too! Peep the Wiki entry:

“Often disregarded as part of any continuity, Li’l Bruce Wayne was a long-running series of light-hearted comic books aimed at children, detailing the life of a young, fantastically wealthy Bruce Wayne (known in the series as “The Happiest Kid On Earth”) in the years before the deaths of Thomas and Martha Wayne and his subsequent transformation into Batman.

The series was originally created by Bill Finger and Jerry Robinson to fill a gap in DC’s publishing schedule after the cancellation of More Fun Comics in 1946, and ran through the majority of the Silver Age despite being regarded by editors and fans alike as being “extremely depressing” [citation needed] and is usually left out of any discussion of the character. It is notable, however, as being the first published comic book work of writer/artist Frank Miller.”

Oh man, I won’t spoil his entire post (which you should read by clicking HERE), but I just have to share this one last cover…(this one’s for the nerds)

So Long, Mom and Dad. LBW Final Issue Special

“I’m A Doctor. I Know Science.”

So says Dr. McNinja.

“Who is this mysterious Dr.” you ask?

I wasn’t sure who he was either. You know, it always seems like I’m one of the last people to find out about the latest internet craze, so you might not be asking, “Who is this mysterious Dr.?” but saying, “Oh cool Dr. McNinja, he’s really not that much of a mystery, Canacorn. The Adventures of Dr. McNinja is a webcomic written and drawn by Chris Hastings and inked by his former roommate Kent Archer. Published three times a week on its own website, it features the adventures of a thirty-five-year-old ninja who also happens to be a doctor. Strips are presented in a high contrast black-and-white, but for a period of time were shaded digitally. Dr. McNinja is highly story-driven, with twenty- to sixty-page issues. The first story was published in the summer of 2004 as a one-off, and the comic has been in regular publication since late 2005. The site also sells Dr. McNinja merchandise.”

Uh…okay.

Anyway, as I was saying…..I was unaware of Dr. McNinja until Chris Sims over at his awesome comic blog, the-isb.com, posted a gushing review for the second trade. Actually, Chris has been mentioning Dr. McNinja off and on for a while now, but I just now decided to pay attention and check out the comic for myself. After reading the first few high-larious issues online, I’ve decided to order the trades…reading a comic online is kinda’ weird for an analog guy like myself…I prefer to have a comic book in my hot little hands rather than on a monitor. Guess I’m old school like that. The series is one of the funniest I’ve read in years and chock full of action (we are talking about a ninja for Christ’s sake)! There’s gorillas, dinosaurs, Ben Franklin, mustaches, chainsaw nunchucks, and Batman jokes…all the things nerds require for a perfect comic.

Oh and while you’re there, check out the store section of the website…where else would you find a shirt with a gorilla high-fiving a shark?

NICE, INDEED!