Back From The Dead!

Well hello there, boners!

It’s me, your old pal Mr. Canacorn….ummm, hello?

Is anyone out there?

Christ, I know it’s been like 4 fucking months, but where did everybody go?

Now looking at my blog stats, I see the good ol’ porn dogs of the internets have been sniffing around Awesomeness looking for their beloved Fetish Fridays…but it looks like all my blog buddies have moved along.

This is exactly what DH school is like....seriously.

Hell, I can’t blame you kids…I’ve been a horrible blogger and blog reader/commenter recently.

I just haven’t had the time what with Dental Hygiene School.

That’s right, Mr. C is one semester closer to realizing his dream of becoming a dental hygienist!

Can you even imagine the beautifully manicured hands of one Mr. Canacorn rooting around in your buccal cavity?!

Well, you’ll have to wait a few more semesters for that wet dream to come to true!

But get this…I’ve got 5 whole weeks off and it’s high time to start serving up some marvelous shit to get your pants areas all wet! That’s right…AWESOMENESS FOR AWESOME’S SAKE is back!

So let’s celebrate with a video…oh, and it’s a small hint of what tomorrow’s FF will be about…

Okay then…welcome back, methe internets are a little bit brighter again!

Canacorn out!

Serious Lack Of Awesomeness For You

back_to_school Hey boners,

I hate to tell y’all this, but there’s gonna’ be a whole lot less Awesomeness around here for a while.

I know, I know, you’re crushed.

I understand your pain, but this Canacorn has got to get his act together and earn himself one of them there oral hygiene degrees sos I can be a highfalutin dental hygienist when I grow up!

Feel free to drop by any time, but don’t expect to see too many new posts.

You might want to hop on over to the newly stripped down version of The Bride Of Awesomeness for some NSFW pictures and the occasional video (all without the hassle of havin’ to be readin’ a bunch of stupid words) to get a glimpse of what’s runnin’ through my mind.

Sooooo, in closing, don’t forget to floss and only brush the ones you want to keep!


“The Central Science”

Well kids, I hate to say it, but things will be slowing down here at Awesomeness for a while. School starts next week, so it’s time for this Canacorn to hit the books and finally get that A in Chemistry!

I know some of you out there thought I blogged a bit too much for my own good anyway…so you’re finally getting your wish! I’m not really sure if I’ll be keeping up with the regular features you’ve all come to love and/or hate, like MAN-UP MONDAYS, TWO FOR TUESDAYS, FETISH FRIDAYS, and DONNA MARTIN SEASON 5 FASHIONS….you’re just gonna’ have to go somewhere else to get your fix.

Don’t fret! I’m sure I’ll be able to find the time to post something over the next 4 months, so don’t abandon me altogether! I know your days will be a bit darker and your nights a bit lonelier without me, but I promise to hit you guys up with a little bit of Awesomeness every once in a while!

Oh, and just because I won’t be posting as much doesn’t mean that I won’t still be lurking around on your blogs!

So stay classy and sassy, everyone!

And remember, even though we may be silently judging you over our plates of pasta, Spaghetti Cat and I still love you!

Oh, okay, one more video:



Okay, kids, I’m starting a new regular feature here at AWESOMENESS FOR AWESOME’S SAKE…all about men. It’s not going to be about health issues, sports stats, or how to pick up chicks, or whatever else men are supposed to be into…but about the men who make Mr. Canacorn’s world a better place to live in.

They aren’t all going to be heroes…Hell, most of them won’t be…they aren’t always going to be real…but they all will have one thing in common…


So, let’s get to the first masculine specimen in MAN-UP MONDAYS!

SHEMP HOWARD (March 17, 1895-November 23, 1955)

In Jewish culture, a boy becomes a man when he turns thirteen. In Stooge culture, it happens when he learns to love Shemp.

The Stooges played a significant role in the development of my sense of humor, much to the dismay of my mother. For some reason, mom thought The Stooges were “too violent” or some such nonsense. You know, I’ve rarely met a woman that could truly appreciate the physical slaphappy stylings of these comedy masters…needless to say, The Wife is certainly not a fan…and most certainly won’t be reading today’s post…oh well, her loss.

Moe, Larry, and Curly were a fine trio, but Shemp is by far my favorite Stooge…and don’t get me started on that whiny sissy, Joe Besser…man, I hate Besser…anyway, back to Shemp. His sense of physical timing is close to perfection, his facial expressions are often imitated but never duplicated, and his hair is the greasiest prop ever used to elicit laughter in comedy history.

To really be sold on Shemp, you just have to see him in action…

Here’s Shemp in the Stooge short, “FRIGHT NIGHT

Oh man, he slays me! There’s been a shit ton written about the man by far better writers than me…To learn more about The Man, The Myth, The Third Stooge head on over to WALL OF SHEMP!

Stay tuned for more manliness to come, every Monday, only at Awesomeness For Awesome’s Sake!

A Big Ass Turd In My Hand.

A few weeks ago I offered to write a movie review for a friend’s website. No big deal, right? I have all this free time and I love talking about movies, so writing a review should be a piece of cake! I emailed my buddy:

ME: If you ever need a Richard Dreyfuss to your Robert Shaw, I’d be
willing to help out doing a guest review or something. I’m out of school
for a while, so whatever.

BUDDY: What do you wanna review? anything in mind?

ME: Creatures From The Abyss (aka Plankton) would be a cool one to
review….I don’t know, you could give me an assignment, just like J. Jonah

BUDDY: Yeah, go ahead. I actually have seen that recently. It came in a 3 pack
with The Dark, and The Being.

That last email was on Feb. 4th. I never started the review. I kept telling myself, I just didn’t have the time right now and I’d get to it….then I get this email on the 7th.

BUDDY: how’s the review going?

OH FUCK! He was serious….and I need to get working on this damn review…so I shot him back a little white lie.

ME: Started working on my review…I hope to have it to you by next weekend if that’s okay. Don’t feel obligated to use it if you feel it doesn’t fit in…

BUDDY: Hope to have it by next weekend? Jesus, who are you Frank Fuckin’ Herbert? Crank that motherfucker out and we’ll get along fine. Do you have a way to grab screengrabs from it? I have the disc if you don’t. Feel free to come up with funny captions if you want. Rib will change em if they really suck. That’s the hardest part to write I think, but no joke is really too stupid.

Screengrabs? Oh, man, the panic was really building…..calm the fuck down and just go watch the movie…first, email your buddy back…play it cool…use a little humor…

ME: It’s up to 15 pages, typed, double spaced at this point…actually, I just started re-watching it yesterday. I don’t have a way to do screengrabs…so that will have to be up to you guys.

BUDDY: Don’t worry about the review being perfect, I don’t. I’ve read your blogs, which are good, so think of it like that. If you wanna contribute reviews semi-regularly afterward, that’s fine. Obviously, you’re free to be obscene, which is fun.

His last email calmed my nerves some. I have found my voice in AWESOMENESS… and really do enjoy writing my little blog. I guess the thing is, the blog is for me. Sure, I obviously write to be read by others, but ultimately, I just post stuff for my own selfish enjoyment. By offering my writing to someone else I was really putting myself out there. This isn’t some paper for school (which I agonize over…just ask The Wife), this was for someone else’s website.

Let me stop here and stress one thing: I AM A VIRGO.

“Astrologers broadly agree that the following are the characteristics of Virgo:
The Virgo is prone to being overly proud, fussy, nervous, pedantic, petty, self-conscious, harsh, paranoid, scared of being sick, aloof, calculating, hard-edged, overly critical, judgmental, pretentious, snobby, nervous, timid, compulsive, folds under pressure, a perfectionist, stubborn, and conservative.”

…and that’s the absolute fucking truth. I am my own worse critic…as I assume most people are, but I’m really, really hard on myself. Well, it was time to get to work! I watched CREATURES FROM THE ABYSS armed only with a pad of paper, a pen, and my pretentious (yet self-conscious) wit.

After the film I was left with these:

Two pages filled with cryptic references to Clint Howard, Alec Holland, Joey Silvera, PRIVATE MEDIA GROUP and other not so obscure people and places….and then there’s 100s of word combinations like: swank bar glass chrome sectional, slapping method, Dadaist manifesto, Julie looks dead but still hot, extreme caviar birthing, and my favorite: “Not a fish pedophile.”

What in the hell am I supposed to do with that?! Get to writing, that’s what, Canacorn!

So I sat my ass at the computer and wrote…and wrote…and wrote…and 1,350 words later I was left with this:


Or so I thought.

I emailed my buddy the review on Feb. 16th and waited for his critique. Man, was I nervous…I mean, I’m about to be judged on my opinions of a shitty horror movie and how I decided to express my feelings about said shitty horror movie by a guy who has lived and breathed shitty horror movies a good decade longer than I have. All I could picture was J. Jonah Jameson ripping me and my review to shreds.

Well…I did hear back from my buddy…and he liked it…he said it was great. Uh, wow…So not too shabby for my first go…and I got lucky by having an easy editor.

Here’s the trailer:

So, enough is enough…here’s the link to my 1st online review: