Two For Tuesdays

Hey lookee here, I actually made it two Tuesdays in a row!

Who’d a thunk it?

Not you, I’m sure…well, let me disappoint you even more with today’s two-fer!

How about some Missing Persons?

Sure, sure, you think you never need to hear “Words” again (you’re wrong) and you think “Walking In LA” is lame (strike two, boner, that song also rules…anyone remember when Traci Lords covered it), so I’ll spare you the hits and serve up a couple of other tracks this Tuesday…

“WINDOWS” from Spring Session M

And since EMI has a no embedding policy for their videos just click on the pic of Dale to see today’s second video!

“GIVE” of off Rhyme & Reason

Man, I really had the hots for ol’ Dale Bozzio when I was a kid…imagine if I could have gotten my hands on that issue of Hustler (NSFW) she was in…I’d probably be blind.

Fetish Fridays! NSFW Periodontics Edition

Hey boners! What’s shakin’?

Yeah, yeah, I hear that….”Another day another dollar…Time to make the donuts….Blah, blah, fucking blah…”

Well hold on there pardners…it’s Friday…and aside from being alright for fighting…it means…oh wait, that’s Saturday…damn…

Uh, anyway…what I’m getting at is, it’s time to break you out of your humdrums and talk about some fetish of some sort! And if you couldn’t tell by the scrumptious picture of Lauren Hutton on the left side of your monitor, today’s topic is teeth!

But not just any type of teeth…oh no, my friends…only the ones with a gap right smack dab in the middle of those big ol’ central incisors is good enough for this Friday!

We’re strictly talking lucky teeth, or as the French like to say, “dents du bonheur“!

I know the topic of diastema is a bit tame compared to some of my past FF entries…but it is one that puts a smile on my face (and by smile, I mean erection..and by face, I mean penis…so what I think I’m trying to say is, “The enlarged and firm state of my penis…is the result of a complex interaction of psychological, neural, vascular and endocrine factors, that is usually, though not exclusively, associated with gap toothed women.”

Oh crap…now you’re picturing me and my amazing, incredible, expandable, blood filled erectile tissues….This is getting awkward…Uh…let’s move on…

So anyway, I was reading a review for ONCE BITTEN over at THE HOUSE OF SELF-INDULGENCE the other day (seriously, it’s the best review I’ve ever read for ONCE BITTEN…check it out) and even though Yum-Yum made no mention of it, all I kept thinking about was Ms. Hutton’s delectable diastema!

And it got me thinking about some other gap toothed ladies…Brigitte Bardot, Jorja Fox, Anna Paquin, Béatrice Dalle…man, there’s a whole bunch of ’em out there…

And get this…some of ’em even do the pornographies!

It’s true!

Which is kind of fitting…you know, because of the whole Canterbury Tales “gap-toothed wife of Bath, middle-aged woman with insatiable lust” rumor that the “firste fyndere of our fair langage” and loveable scamp, Geoffrey Chaucer, started waaay back in the 14th century!

There’s Belladonna, Naudia Nyce, Pepper Foxx, Chase Taylor, and hundreds of other starlets in waiting flashing their gapes and their gaps all over the internets!

So wouldn’t it be a great idea to have some sort of specialty fetish website for the appreciation of gap toothed women?

Of course it’s a great idea! So what the fuck, internets?! Where’s my diastema fetish site?!

No matter where I turn, I can find a fetish specific website for just about every sub-genre of porn…everything except this one.

You want clips and pictures of mature, BBW, amateur, hirsute honeys giving blowjobs to tattooed European gentlemen with big cocks that end in Roman Showers?

You got it! The internet provides!

But a guy wants some hot enamel action and he gets nothin’.

I guess there’s just not much of a demand for teeth porn….which is kind of sad really…I mean, look at this picture…

What kind of world do we live in that I can’t see this young thing try and fit those two big, bulbous heads on that soft, sensuous, smooth and sturdy 18 inch veined dildo between the contacts of her perfectly spaced maxillary central incisors?

A disappointing world…that’s what kind.

Seriously, internets, I’m gonna’ have to stop this whole Fetish Fridays dance if you can’t deliver the goods…I know we only do this FF thing (almost) once a week, but my feelings of dissatisfaction that follow your constant failures is really starting to take its toll.

So think about it…we’ll talk next Friday.

Canacorn, out!

What Cha’ Watchin’?

NIGHT OF THE COMET

Do The Hammerlock, You Turkeynecks!

The Wrestler Who Made Milwaukee Famous, Reggie “The Crusher” Lisowski

And 60s garage rockers, The Novas, classic tribute:

You know, there really needs to be more wrestlers like The Crusher and more songs about wrestling…

Bev Hills Season 7

Awwww yeah! Season 7, boners!

That’s right, The Wife and I just cracked the seal on our season 7 box set of 90210!

And you just know it’s gonna’ be a great season of the classic 90210 when you get …

A bra less Donna in the first episode:

My eyes are up here.

Val‘s gradual transformation into her “hot mom look” by the second:

My eyes are up here.

And this bit of awesomeness:

Baphomet and his Solid Gold dancers!

Cooley Jackson!

Tony Fields!

Darcel Wynne!

Choreography by Kevin Carlisle!

Tony and Darcel bring the heat to 90210!

God, I love this fucking show!

Two For Tuesdays…Sort Of

Every Monday I head on over to The House Of Self-Indulgence to see what music videos Yum-Yum has hand picked to tickle my visual, vestibular, auditory and proprioceptive inputs.

And yesterday there were two songs by two ladies that tickled my pinks and blacks!

First, my pinks:

Listen to a couple more of Renee’s sweet and quirky songs on her MySpace page.

Now, my blacks:

Hey, waddayaknow, Geneva’s got her dark and slutty songs up on her MySpace thingy too!

Wouldn’t it be cool if these two stone foxes were sisters and you were best friends with their brother? I mean, imagine all the boners you would get just being in the same room with one of them, and then imagine all the boners your boners would get if they were in the same room at the same time?!

Christ, I gotta’ take a cold shower…

You Know Why Pam Grier Is Tougher Than You?

‘Cause she’ll go to your fancy boat party…

Find the meanest bitch there…

And proceed to beat the shit out of her…

With a ferocious bitch slap bombardment…

Doled out in front of all her friends and colleagues…

And to add insult to injury…

She’ll finish the fight with a old timey cream pie to the face…

And make an Batman inspired exit…

In a dress…and heels.

And that’s why Pam Grier is tougher than you.

Don’t Give Sheba No Shit

‘Cause Sheba Shayne will repeatedly shove your face in granulated chlorine, making you “the whitest nigga that ever left Louisville!”

Product Name: SENTRY GRANULATED CHLORINE FOR SWIMMING POOLS

Risk Phrases: Contact with combustible material may cause fire. Harmful if swallowed. Contact with acids liberates toxic gas. Causes burns. Risk of serious damage to eyes. Very toxic to aquatic organisms.

Safety Phrases: Avoid contact with skin and eyes. In case of contact with eyes, rinse immediately with plenty of water and seek medical advice. Wear suitable protective clothing, gloves and eye/face protection. In case of accident or if you feel unwell, seek medical advice immediately (show the label whenever possible).

Inhalation: Remove victim from area of exposure – avoid becoming a casualty. Remove contaminated clothing and loosen remaining clothing. Allow patient to assume most comfortable position and keep warm. Keep at rest until fully recovered. If patient finds breathing difficult and develops a bluish discoloration of the skin (which suggests a lack of oxygen in the blood – cyanosis), ensure airways are clear of any obstruction and have a qualified person give oxygen through a face mask. Apply artificial respiration if patient is not breathing. Seek immediate medical advice.

Skin Contact: If skin or hair contact occurs, immediately remove any contaminated clothing and wash skin and hair thoroughly with running water. If swelling, redness, blistering or irritation occurs seek medical assistance.

Eye Contact: Immediately wash in and around the eye area with large amounts of water for at least 15 minutes. Eyelids to be held apart. Remove clothing if contaminated and wash skin. Urgently seek medical assistance. Transport to hospital or medical center.

Ingestion: Immediately rinse mouth with water. If swallowed, do NOT induce vomiting. Give a glass of water. Seek immediate medical assistance.

Medical attention and special treatment: Treat symptomatically. Can cause corneal burns. Delayed effects from exposure to chlorine (decomposition product) can include shortness of breath, severe headache, pulmonary edema and pneumonia.

Long Term Effects: No information available for the product.

Pam Grier is Jackie Brown

It’s no secret that one Mr. Canacorn has a couple of loves in his life (other than The Wife and baby Chuy)…

…Vinyl and soundtracks! So in celebrating all things Pam this week, I figured we’d talk about the Jackie Brown OST today!

We’ve all been told what a genius Quentin Tarantino is when it comes to picking music for his films…and I really have to agree wholeheartedly.

Sure, sure, I’d love for him to finally hook up with a composer that could whip up an amazing score, but just like Martin Scorsese before him, QT knows how to pick existing songs that can capture the viewers attention and really solidify a scene.

What really impressed me about the Jackie Brown soundtrack was QT’s ballsy choice to use such recognizable songs and still be able to give them a whole new life within the JB universe.

Let’s take a look and a listen to some choice cuts, shall we? Just click on the pic and be transported to wonderful world of YouTube!

Across 110th Street – Bobby Womack

Strawberry Letter 23 – The Brothers Johnson

Who Is He (And What Is He to You?) – Bill Withers

Tennessee Stud – Johnny Cash

Natural High – Bloodstone

Long Time Woman – Pam Grier

Street Life – Randy Crawford

Didn’t I Blow Your Mind This Time – The Delfonics

Midnight Confessions – The Grass Roots

Inside My Love – Minnie Riperton

The Lions and the Cucumber – The Vampire Sound Incorporation

Monte Carlo Nights – Elliot Easton’s Tiki Gods

…and even though it’s not a music video, but because I’m thinking about Jackie Brown, I just have to throw this video in here:

There’s A Poem About Pam Grier?

Poetry? On Awesomeness?

Sure…I mean, why not? Just because it’s Pam Grier Week, doesn’t mean it’s all movie reviews all the time. So pay attention, boners, today I’m bringing you some culture!

Sometimes an empowering poem about a tough, Black woman written by a gay, White man is just what we all need on a Monday morning.

Why I Want To Be Pam Grier
by Collin Kelley

I want to pull a gun out of my hair
and blow your head off.
I want to wear black leather knee high boots
and plant my ten inch heel up your sorry ass.
I want to flim you and flam you and just say
goddamn you,
while I slit your throat with my knife.
I want to be exploited, overworked
and underpaid, but look damn good doing it,
cause I’m always getting laid.
I want to be an idol, a nobody,
a whatever happened to her,
then put on my Kangol hat, my tight black suit,
look better than I did twenty years ago,
and smoke you one more time good and proper.
I want to cross 110th Street with a bag full of cash,
and one last sweet kiss from the man
who actually gave a damn.
I want to drive away into the morning light,
headed for Spain, hurting like hell,
but with my head up
and the taste of him on my lips.

Okay, okay…go HERE to see Pam’s tits and ass already…sheesh…try to give the kids a little sophistication…