Fetish Fridays! NSFW Funnies
February 27, 2009 — mrcanacorn
You know, I’m not sure why I call this occasional dip into the waters of perversity Fetish Fridays anymore…
It’s rare that I actually discuss a specific paraphilia these days. It’s a lot harder than you think, you know. Picking the right fetish…finding the right pictures and/or videos…avoiding all the fetishes that are boring, stupid or too fucked up even for Awesomeness.
I mean, I guess I could whip up a post about Somnophilia complete with a link to SleepCreep.com, but why?
I’d rather talk about Tijuana Bibles instead of some totally fake Snow White-whore-sleep-rape website…sorry…maybe next time, kids.
I really don’t remember exactly when I figured out what a Tijuana Bible was…it may have been sometime in 1986…and it just might have been because of Alan Moore’s WATCHMEN. Remember when Sally Jupiter got all excited when she found out she was featured in one? No? Well Zack Snyder did…check out the pic at the top of this post!
Pretty cool, huh? It’s the little details like that one that have me pretty damn excited about the upcoming film.
Anyway, even though there isn’t a real Tijuana Bible featuring the Silk Spectre there are plenty featuring some of your favorite characters from the funny papers! These little “fuck books” were what people used to look at waaaaaay back before there was The Internet, you know. But rest assured, they are filled with just as much porn, racism, and toilet humor that today’s internet connoisseurs expect!
Now, some of you youngsters might not remember Bringing Up Father, but if you’re anything like me, then you’re just dying to see anything involving sex and farts…
So click on the picture and get transported to the wonderful world of tijuanabibles.org!
Oh, Jiggs, you slay me!
They even have a Dagwood one…and even though they didn’t work in a gag involving giant sandwich insertion, it’s still pretty good.
Oh, and there’s Barney Google and J. Wellington Wimpy…and even Moon Mullins gets some action!
Okay, okay, I can tell all this old timey shit is boring the Hell out of you kooky kids…so we’ll cut this short. But as usual, I have to hit you up with one more picture then you can go look at all your shiny, futuristic, new fangled pr0n….sheesh…kids today!
I'll say! 23 skidoo!
Y’all ain’t got no appreciation for real entertainment!
Premio Dardo…Major Award Or Cyber Herpes?
February 11, 2009 — mrcanacorn
Would you look at that? Looks like me, Mr. Canacorn, is the proud recipient of a Premio Dardo Award! That’s right, my favorite Unkle and Auntie over at Kindertrauma were kind enough to bestow the prestigious P to the D to me (and 4 other awesome bloggers) a few days ago.
Wow…that’s just great…I’m flattered…now…um…what the fuck is it?
Basically, it’s a form of cyber herpe (not to be confused with a space herpe) that us promiscuous bloggers seem to catch by romping all over the damn internet rubbing our cyber junk on every Tom, Dick, and Harry with a blog of their own.
Actually, there’s a better description of The Dart Award over at K-Squared Ramblings if you prefer a little more research and less sarcasm with your explanations….but I’m fond of the whole herpes thing.
Honestly, I am really flattered that the Kindertrauma boys picked me…I mean, if I’m going to catch some sort of cyber herpes from the internet, I can’t think of a nicer couple of guys to get it from.
So, I guess I should make with some viral shedding and recognize 5 other “unique voices and visions on the Web” and “promote fraternization amongst bloggers of all sorts” already.
A-hem…As Mayor of the Altered State of Druggachusetts, I declare these blogs to be…AWESOME!
NUMBER 1: THE NAKED JUNGLE
Make your house a home with the Paul Snider Sex Bench!
It’s the “Official blog” of Gorillanaut.com, so not only do you get links to movie reviews, but you also get posts about invisible raping gorillas, monsters, and Zebedy Colt!
…um, full disclosure here…I’m friends with Bwana and occasionally write a review or two for G’Naut, but that doesn’t mean I love his blog any more than the next four on this here list…
NUMBER 2: CHRIS’S INVINCIBLE SUPER-BLOG
This really captures the whole spirit of this award, don't cha' think?
Oh, The ISB…I can’t say enough good things about Chris’s blog…he’s been accused of hilarity, sarcasm, and straight up mockery of comic books and the comic industry, but it’s his unflinching and undying love of the medium that keeps me coming back on a daily basis. Listen up nerds, if you want more Silver Age references than you can shake a Super-Science Stick at, The ISB is the blog for you! Curious about what to buy at ye olde comic shoppe? The ISB has got you covered with The Week In Ink…you get the best reviews of the latest releases and it always comes with a guaranteed kick in the face!
NUMBER 3: LOVE TRAIN FOR THE TENEBROUS EMPIRE
You'll find a god in every golden cloister And if you're lucky then the god's a she
A gay friend once told me that White guys that are only into Asian chicks are at the last stop on the train to Gay Town…and I couldn’t agree more. But what does that have to do with the Tenebrous One’s blog? Um…uh…they both involve trains? Okay, nothing, but I’ve always wanted to get that out on my blog…anyway…back to The Love Train…
Just who runs this creepy little corner of the internet? Why it’s your tenebrous hostess, Tenebrous Kate! She’s a Libra that’s into Eurotrash movies, long walks through creepy castles, and she’s got a thing for nuns….She’s a member of The League of Tana Tea Drinkers…
and she met a real live Krampus this year! Wow.
Number 4: HOUSE OF SELF-INDULGENCE
Likes taupe
Okay, okay, I know I’ve been sucking the teet of this blog for weeks now, but I just love it so damn much! Yum-Yum‘s taste in everything from movies to music just warms my cold little heart…and thanks to this site I’ve been turned on to Dallas firecracker and Casa Canacorn official Goddess, Mary Cherry! For that alone, I am eternally at Yum-Yum‘s service.
SSSSHHH…Don’t tell The Wife (or Auntie John), but I think I’m totally cyber crushing on Yum-Yum.
Number 5: ZOMBIE VS SHARK
Get yours at http://www.fright-rags.com
You know, sometimes with my busy schedule, I don’t have time to read the T.V. Guide…never mind some blog that’s all, “Blah, blah, blah, fucking blah,” all the live long day. Well that’s why someone with a bigger brain than mine made Tumblr.
Blogs on Tumblr are fun and easy, breezy, beautiful, like some sort of cover girl or whatever. And the Christie Brinkley of Tumblr blogs that I visit just happens to belong to Justin.
This young man has a taste for the finer things in life, like, “photography, zombies, Star Wars, rock n’ roll, cupcakes, Godzilla, ninjas, boobs, and explosions.” I can totally get on board with all of the above. Well done, sir…well done.
Whew…and that’s probably the most link heavy post I ever done did. If you have some free time this week, check out these five awesome bloggers for a walk on the wild side…’cause all the colored girls go, “Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo,
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.”
Who You Gonna’ Call?
January 13, 2009 — mrcanacorn
Image from http://www.drunkenstepfather.com
You’ve got to be kidding me…
Nope.
No joke.
There’s totally a haunted vagina out there and I had no idea!
Jim was never breast fed as a baby
TO THE INTERNET!!
“Balent usually draws women with extremely large breasts. Increasingly, he has drawn the majority of his women completely naked.” –Wikipedia
“…I was really into Frank Miller’s run on Daredevil, and I just ate up all the ninja stories. I even did research. It even sort of threw me into the martial arts world where I became a 2nd degree brown belt in karate.” -Jim in a 2002 interview with The Trades
He had a “secret Wiccan Star Wars wedding” at the Hard Rock Hotel in Orlando. His wife wore a metal bikini and he dressed up as Darth Vader…check out the wedding photos!
Okay, I think I’ve heard enough.
Let’s see…
Loves to draw big tits.
Actually did “research” on Ninjas and made it all the way to a brown belt in karate.
Is into Wicca (just to get laid, I’m sure…only chicks dig Wicca).
Dressed up as Darth Vader on his wedding day.
Oh, he’s a 15 year old nerd trapped in a grown man’s body.
‘Cause only a 15 year old nerd could have come up with this:
Image courtesy of http://www.the-isb.com
“Truly, a forgotten treasure.” -Mr. Sims
January 8, 2009 — mrcanacornThere are many reasons why I visit Chris’s Invincible Super-Blog every afternoon while eating my lunch….my interest in all things Mind Force, for one…and it’s the only decent site out there where I can get my “ROM ON” on a regular basis.
But most importanyly, like myself, Mr. Sims is a man obsessed with ALL THINGS AWESOME….like this:
MONKEY VERSUS NAZIS--OMAC STYLE!
Pretty fucking rad, huh? Peep the post about a gorilla using a machine gun…on a tank…until he runs out of ammo…then takes on a batch of Nazis…with his fists…HERE.
But we’re not here to talk Nazis or gorillas today, kids….Well, I mean, we could…ever see a gorilla wrassel a gladiator?
(Clip courtesy of Gorillanaut…of course!)
Nice…anyway…um, where was I? Oh, The ISB!
So, Mr. Sims was doing his yearly recap the other day and he mentioned his discovery of DC’s all-but-forgotten kids’ comic, Li’l Bruce Wayne!
What the?!
I know what you’re thinking…and it’s along the lines of, “Comics are for babies, Canacorn…make with the pornography…”
I mean, “No way! A Richie Rich style comic about Bruce Wayne’s childhood? Awesome!” ‘Cause that’s what I thought too! Peep the Wiki entry:
“Often disregarded as part of any continuity, Li’l Bruce Wayne was a long-running series of light-hearted comic books aimed at children, detailing the life of a young, fantastically wealthy Bruce Wayne (known in the series as “The Happiest Kid On Earth”) in the years before the deaths of Thomas and Martha Wayne and his subsequent transformation into Batman.
The series was originally created by Bill Finger and Jerry Robinson to fill a gap in DC’s publishing schedule after the cancellation of More Fun Comics in 1946, and ran through the majority of the Silver Age despite being regarded by editors and fans alike as being “extremely depressing” [citation needed] and is usually left out of any discussion of the character. It is notable, however, as being the first published comic book work of writer/artist Frank Miller.”
Oh man, I won’t spoil his entire post (which you should read by clicking HERE), but I just have to share this one last cover…(this one’s for the nerds)
So Long, Mom and Dad. LBW Final Issue Special
Whatevs 08
December 31, 2008 — mrcanacorn
Picture Unrelated
So now that we know what made Momma happy this past year, what about Daddy?
Here’s a quick list of some of my favorite things:
– Seeing my son wave “hello” to me and The Wife during his ultrasound
– Finally getting my goddamned A in Chemistry
– Reading the best Superman comic ever written: All Star Superman
– Joining Netflix
– Watching this:
– Finally owning one of these:
En garde, I'll let you try my Wu-Tang style
Also loves:
– Visiting all the crazy awesome blogs out there on the internet (I’m looking especially at you Kindertrauma)
– Bringing you Fetish Fridays on a semi-regular basis
– Pubic hair’s gradual comeback
– Oh, and porn…and records, vinyl records
It’s a short list, but I think you get a feel for what I was about in 2008…I hope everyone had a great 08 and here’s to a super fine 09!
Fetish Fridays! In Memoriam
December 12, 2008 — mrcanacorn
If you’re a fan of anything fetish related then you probably have already heard that Bettie Page has passed away.
Like most men and women my age, I first discovered Bettie thanks to the awesome art of Dave Stevens (who also died this year).
Instead of posting Bettie photos on Awesomeness today, I thought I’d just share some of Dave’s beautiful Bettie artwork…
“How sad it is! I shall grow old, and horrid, and dreadful. But this picture will remain always young.”
November 29, 2008 — mrcanacorn
Momma's Boy
Why it’s, Mr. Ozzy Osbourne Canacorn! The number one cat of the house and The Wife‘s best friend ’till the end!
As y’all may or may not know, we actually have four cats that live with us…I know, crazy…but Ozzy (or Ozymandias, as I sometimes call him…which will become important to today’s post in a minute or two) is definitely the King of the house.
And every King deserves to be immortalized right? Well, I think so…and since I don’t know any sculptors that could whip up a mighty statue of our favorite feline, I decided to do the next best thing. Commission a portrait! But who could do justice to this proud and arrogant beast? What mere mortal hand could possibly capture the Greatness that Ozzy inspires?
As fate would have it, I found such an artist…on MySpace!? You see, I was on the page of one of comic book’s greatest artists and writers, Rick Veitch, when a young lady’s name in his top friends caught my eye.
Leah Moore. Her name may not mean much to you if you’re not familiar with comic books…but some nerds (myself included) would say that she hails from a Royal Bloodline. But more importantly, she does pet portraits! (Just a quick side note here: She’s also an accomplished writer as well.)
Through Leah’s MySpace page I found her Etsy store…success! Not only were there examples of her work…but they were quite good. None of the animals featured were as regal and stately as Ozzy, but I could tell that Leah was definitely the artist for this particular undertaking. I quickly contacted the lovely lady to see if she was up to the task of capturing the timeless beauty of The Oz-man.
After a few pleasant emails to hammer out the details, Leah was set to go! It wasn’t long when she informed me that she was done….and here is the final product:
My name is Ozymandias, king of kings: Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!
Needless to say, The Wife and I are more than pleased. I’d like to thank Leah a hundred times over and I can highly recommend her if you have a special pet you need immortalized…
Now hop on over to The Wife’s blog if you want to see some more pics of Leah working on the portrait!
Get Well Soon
November 27, 2008 — mrcanacorn
Oh man, I was just over on Roarin’ Rick‘s page and saw that comix legend, S. Clay Wilson, was involved in some sort of dust up that has left him hospitalized and in serious condition.
I’ve loved his depraved drawings since I was in my late teens. Sure, Crumb gets most of the accolades for the underground comix scene, but S. Clay Wilson really captured my imagination and influenced my drawing style with his crazy bikers, pirates, degenerates, and dope fiends.
There’s a pretty cool interview at The Comics Journal with the man behind The Checkered Demon and Captain Pissgums if you want to learn a little bit about what makes a feller draw so many blow jobs and beheadings.
Get well soon, Mr. Wilson! I’m pulling for ya’!
Goin’ Back To Slumburg 09
October 8, 2008 — mrcanacornFUCK YEAH! Canacorn says, “Bring it!”
“When the fifth printing of my BRAT PACK tpb sold out a few months back, I promised I’d have big news about the next edition and here it is! King Hell Press will release INDUSTRIAL STRENGTH BRAT PACK, a 300+ page limited hardcover collection of all things Slumbergian, in Spring of 2009. The book will include the completely remastered original graphic novel (I’ve been able to rescan all the original art thanks to good guy art dealer Albert Moy), all the various color covers, over fifty pages of sketches, unused pages and promotional art along with the never before seen original proposal that I presented DC Comics with back in 1998. On top of that I’ll be writing a behind the scenes history of Tundra, King Hell and the whole furshlugginer comics scene circa 1991 when BRAT PACK became the #1 best selling independent comic and was nominated for an Eisner Award as best new series. And as icing on the cake, Steve Bissette has written an enlightening historical and cultural appreciation of the sidekick phenomena in comics and film titled TEEN ANGELS.
So if your old trade paperback of BRAT PACK is worn out, pass it on to a worthy friend who enjoys current series like THE BOYS, KICK ASS and THE AUTHORITY. And make space on your bookshelf for the ultimate omnibus edition of the great grandaddy of all twisted superheroes. INDUSTRIAL STRENGTH BRAT PACK will be solicited in FEBRUARY 2009 PREVIEWS for April shipping.”
