What To Wear On Halloween?

Thanks to My most favoritest Auntie and Unkle over at KINDERTRAUMA, I have found the perfect costume for myself this year! That’s it, right there on your left! Isn’t it the most awesome thing you’ve ever seen?

I’ve expressed my love for William Friedkin‘s CRUISING for decades…and I never knew they actually made a Halloween costume for deep, deep, and I do mean deep, undercover officer, Steve Burns!

Oh, and get this, it has assless chaps! Super-sweet!

Since I don’t have a time machine to zap myself back to a Woolworth’s in 1980, I guess I’ll be trolling ebay for the best Halloween costume ever made! And to think I was going to be an Indian this year…

What are you guys going as this year? Need some ideas? Be sure to check out the rest of The 10 Worst Halloween Costumes only at Kindertrauma, of course!

Blue Jeans And Better Scenes

My wackadoodle Auntie and Unkle have done it again over at Kindertrauma. I know, I know, I’ve practically become a fucking commercial for their website, but it’s just that damn awesome!

I recently submitted a “NAME THAT TRAUMA” to the Kindertrauma Castle hoping to help out a coworker of mine….and uh, the sheer brilliance that came pouring out of my Auntie’s mind is nothing short of breathtaking. Seriously. Go and click the pretty pink words in this paragraph.


Okay…you see what I’m talking about? Never mind that one of the awesome Kindertrauma readers figured out what movie my coworker was looking for…the whole B.J. AND THE BEAR riffing made my weekend.

And it got me thinking about B.J. AND THE BEAR…remember the intro? man, the song is fucking killer!


I really thought the lyrics were “Blue jeans and better scenes“, but turns out they’re “New dreams and better scenes“…no offense to the super talented, Glen A. Larson, but don’t my lyrics sound way more awesome? The answer is yes. Anyway…

You can’t talk about B.J. (Billie Joe) McKay and his buddy, Bear, without mentioning Sheriff Lobo! Remember his show? Sure you do! It was called THE MISADVENTURES OF SHERIFF LOBO! Remember? No? Here’s the opening:


How ’bout that gratuitous ass shot in the opening?! TeeVee ruled when I was a kid!

Speaking of TeeVee shows I loved as a kid, but no one seems to remember…anyone else out there remember the DUKES OF HAZZARD spinoff, ENOS? You see, Enos (the bumbling Deputy Sheriff) joins a Special Branch of the Los Angeles Police and partners up with a cool Black cop named Turk (Samuel E. Wright, the voice of Sebastian in Disney’s The Little Mermaid). Every episode was book ended by Enos writing a letter to Daisy Duke (his one true love) back in Hazzard County, telling her about all his awesome adventures in wild and crazy LA!

I’ve been all over the damn internet trying to find the intro. I can’t remember how the theme went, but I do remember the end of the opening…Enos and Turk take down some bad guys and Turk puts out his hand for a “gimme five” and Enos, God bless him, slaps a “thumbs up” right in the palm of Turk’s hand!


Thanks to Sonny Shroyer’s official website, I have found the intro!

Peep that shit right HERE! Click that link and scroll down…you’ll see a link for the Enos series, click it and be amazed by the intro to Enos!

And I’ll do you one better! Click HERE to see the closing credits which run over the fabled White thumbs up in the Black gimme five salute…which is possibly the most inspiring image ever put on television!

Wow. Thanks internet for truly having everything I really need!

Man-Up Mondays!

Today’s man is certainly no hero…he might be more liked than last week’s Man-Up entry…and that’s saying a lot since he’s none other than killer cowboy pimp, Ramrod!

Ramrod…a multi-tasker.

Now, now, don’t go getting all upset…I’m not some sicko that enjoys the rampant violence against women in movies….uh…well, that’s not totally true, but I’m certainly not condoning real violence (read: not movie…which is fake) against women. But I’m not here to debate violent movies with you….I like ’em. If you don’t, so be it, but spare me your lectures.

Anyway, back to Ramrod! If you thought Joan Crawford had the market cornered on wire hangers and bitch slapping, you gotta’ see what Ramrod has up his sleeve…his pimp hand is strong, to say the least.

This is going to hurt me…oh, who am I kidding?

You might remember a little movie from 1982 called, VICE SQUAD! No? Seriously, go back and click the link to watch the trailer…I’ll wait…………………………..huh? What did I tell ya’? This movie rules for 101 reasons, but the numero uno reason is Wings Hauser’s chilling performance.

Best of Ramrod part 1! Here we get a small taste of Ramrod’s way with the ladies.

Best of Ramrod part 2! Now Ramrod shows the coppers what’s what!

Holee crap! Did he really headbutt that dude with that chick’s head? How many cops did it take to get one man down? Did you see how he got out of that car? Fuck, Ramrod is like The Terminator (the one from the first movie…you know, the cool one?) and indestructible psycho, John Kirby all rolled into one…but with cooler threads.

Ramrod, you rule, you sick son of a bitch!

To get some more info on VICE SQUAD and other 80s action masterpieces check out Uncle Lancifer’s kind of recent post over at one of my most favoritest blogs, KINDERTRAUMA!

*Thanks to VLogger, Janus131 for the great clips!

Man Eaters

Yesterday, my favorite Uncle over at Kindertrauma actually called Roz “Pinky Tuscadero” Kelly scary….now this is out of context, but come on! Sure, she’s got Man Eater written all over that 70s body…but that’s nothing to be afraid of, right? I know my 5 year old mind was blown when I saw her strutting around in those white shorty-shorts and competing in a (men only) demolition derby without a fucking helmet!

What’s the matter little boy, scared of a full grown woman?

Thinking of Pinky brought back all sorts of Happy Days memories…The Malachi Brothers‘ devastating move: The Malachi Crunch, the day Richie almost died, and of course…

Leather Tuscadero!!

Rocker chick, Suzi Quatro

You know, Leather was only in 7 episodes of Happy Days, but that was enough to firmly plant a solid crush in my young melon (and I totally was crushing on her sister as well…see above).

Enough with the Happy Dayslet’s rock!

Daytona Demon

And thanks to Suzi, the world was given the boner inducing band…THE RUNAWAYS! There’s so much to say about this killer band, but some of us have day jobs to get to…so here’s a video…I think it says it all.

Cherry Bomb

Man, I love me some rocker chicks!

Why Am I So Fucked Up?

Well, according to most doctor and science types, it has something to do with my childhood. All of my problems, fears, and hang-ups are thanks to the endless hours of tee-vee watching I did as a little guy…filling my head with all sorts of horrors…slowly molding me into the maladjusted some-bitch that I am today.

But wait! I’m not alone….it seems like we all received unhealthy doses of mind warping trauma…and some evil geniuses have decided to blog about it…


“KINDERTRAUMA is about the movies, books, and toys that scared you when you were a kid. It’s also about kids in scary movies, both as heroes and villains. And everything else that’s traumatic to a tyke!

Through reviews, stories, artwork, and testimonials, we mean to remind you of all the things you once tried so hard to forget…”

Which reminds me of 1983..I was eleven and didn’t scare easily, but this freaked my shit: