Serious Lack Of Awesomeness For You

Hey boners,

I hate to tell y’all this, but there’s gonna’ be a whole lot less Awesomeness around here for a while.

I know, I know, you’re crushed.

I understand your pain, but this Canacorn has got to get his act together and earn himself one of them there oral hygiene degrees sos I can be a highfalutin dental hygienist when I grow up!

Feel free to drop by any time, but don’t expect to see too many new posts.

You might want to hop on over to the newly stripped down version of The Bride Of Awesomeness for some NSFW pictures and the occasional video (all without the hassle of havin’ to be readin’ a bunch of stupid words) to get a glimpse of what’s runnin’ through my mind.

Sooooo, in closing, don’t forget to floss and only brush the ones you want to keep!

Two For Tuesdays

Hey boners, it’s Toni Basil!

I know the picture makes you think you’re getting “Mickey” as one of your songs today…

But you’re not.

It’s not like you haven’t heard it a million times anyway…

The closest you’ll get from me today is “Kitty“ by Racey, and you’ll fucking like it.

So, uh, here’s Toni with a cover of DEVO’s “Space Girl Blues“

Space Girls

Now let’s check out “You Got A Problem“…which is a cover of DEVO’s “Pity You“:

What are the chances that today’s two-fer fails just as miserably as last Tuesday’s?

Knowing my audience, pretty damn good.

C U Next Tuesday!

Snapshot Of Awesomeness

Via KINDERTRAUMA!

Two For Tuesdays

Today’s band is ADULT.

I like these kooks…

And I especially like the super sexy and dangerously hot photography of band member, NICOLA KUPERUS.

I hear they made some sort of “experimental horror film” called DECAMPMENT that could only be “experienced in person with ADULT. performing the soundtrack live to the film“…which sounds pretty cool if you’re into that kind of stuff. Watch the trailer HERE.

There’s also a 7″ vinyl only release called, THE DECAMPMENT TRILOGY, which is all super limited and shit…curious if there are any left? Then click HERE.

Okay, enough talk…let’s listen to some music…

Inside

I Feel Worse When I’m with You

That’s it for today, boners, C U Next Tuesday!

A Horrifying Sensation…

Must watch….must own….

Thanks to Radioactive Lingerie for the heads up!

NSFW Snapshot Of Awesomeness

Sooooo, I found this picture on the internets this morning…

You thinkin’ what I’m thinkin’?

What the fuck, right?!

I mean, seriously…

Can you believe that shit?!

It’s driving me crazy over here…

I’ve been looking at it for hours and I still can’t figure it out…

What the fuck is up with that dude’s tattoo?!

Fetish Fridays! NSFW And It’s The Pits!

You know what I was thinking about this morning?

Probably not…so I’ll tell ya’.

I was thinking about that armpit molester from Singapore and how he got 14 years in jail and caned 18 times for sniffing the pits of 23 different females!

To be honest, unsolicited sniffing was not his only crime…in addition to sniffing his victims’ armpits he also fondled a 13-year-old AND exposed himself to that 53 year old….but that’s not important right now!

What is important is today’s celebration of one of the most underrated erogenous zones of the body…no, no, not the rectouterine pouch, you kooky kids, THE ARMPITS!

It’s Summertime, and exposed pits are all the rage in my town! Unconcealed underarms are hotter than Zubaz pants and full print t-shirts these days!

Hairy, shaved, gay, straight, sweaty, smelly, male, female….Armpits and armpit exposing fashions are hot, hot, hot!

Everyone is rockin’ the tank, tube top, A-shirt, or some form of sleeveless T!

Shit, some people are even going topless for maximum erotic armpit exposure!

The young and the old are going apeshit for armpits!

Seriously, I can’t leave the house or turn on my computer without having my eyeballs assaulted by untamed, debauched, epicurean acts of axilla flashing, shaving, sniffing, licking, sucking and fucking….

That’s right, I said fucking!

People are actually fucking each others armpits.

Click to watch!

And I think the world is a better place because of it…that and the Zubaz pants comeback…but that’s just me.

These pants are the same pants that were worn by pro athletes, rock stars, kings and queens, and anybody who Dared to be Different.

Canacorn out!

This Just In!

We have it on good authority that an animated “Kat” is going to replace Paula Abdul on American Idol’s 9th season! The “story” broke on Twitter (a free social networking and micro-blogging service for 12 year old girls and lonely middle age men) Tuesday night!

Paula “tweeted” some incoherent nonsense filled with numbers and symbols that we couldn’t make heads or tails of….luckily, 7th grader and regular Fetish Fridays reader, Cynthia Wheeler (age 12), was able to decipher the drunken text-based post by the former Mrs. Estevez.

“It says she’s sad and stuff about leaving the show or whatever and, uh, that some really old cartoon cat from the 80s is gonna’ be the new judge,” explained Cynthia via her cellular telephone early this morning.

We here at Awesomeness couldn’t be more thrilled about the exciting new opportunities that could be opening up for both Paula and American Idol!

I don’t know about y’all but, we’ve got our fingers crossed for a “almost 50 and still sexy” Paula Playboy pictorial and a celebrity sex tape scandal involving MC Skat Kat and Kara DioGuardi…

But until then, let’s watch this “awesome” video from American Idol’s new judge:

Two For Tuesdays

Hey lookee here, I actually made it two Tuesdays in a row!

Who’d a thunk it?

Not you, I’m sure…well, let me disappoint you even more with today’s two-fer!

How about some Missing Persons?

Sure, sure, you think you never need to hear “Words” again (you’re wrong) and you think “Walking In LA” is lame (strike two, boner, that song also rules…anyone remember when Traci Lords covered it), so I’ll spare you the hits and serve up a couple of other tracks this Tuesday…

“WINDOWS” from Spring Session M

And since EMI has a no embedding policy for their videos just click on the pic of Dale to see today’s second video!

“GIVE” of off Rhyme & Reason

Man, I really had the hots for ol’ Dale Bozzio when I was a kid…imagine if I could have gotten my hands on that issue of Hustler (NSFW) she was in…I’d probably be blind.

Fetish Fridays! NSFW Periodontics Edition

Hey boners! What’s shakin’?

Yeah, yeah, I hear that….”Another day another dollar…Time to make the donuts….Blah, blah, fucking blah…“

Well hold on there pardners…it’s Friday…and aside from being alright for fighting…it means…oh wait, that’s Saturday…damn…

Uh, anyway…what I’m getting at is, it’s time to break you out of your humdrums and talk about some fetish of some sort! And if you couldn’t tell by the scrumptious picture of Lauren Hutton on the left side of your monitor, today’s topic is teeth!

But not just any type of teeth…oh no, my friends…only the ones with a gap right smack dab in the middle of those big ol’ central incisors is good enough for this Friday!

We’re strictly talking lucky teeth, or as the French like to say, “dents du bonheur“!

I know the topic of diastema is a bit tame compared to some of my past FF entries…but it is one that puts a smile on my face (and by smile, I mean erection..and by face, I mean penis…so what I think I’m trying to say is, “The enlarged and firm state of my penis…is the result of a complex interaction of psychological, neural, vascular and endocrine factors, that is usually, though not exclusively, associated with gap toothed women.“

Oh crap…now you’re picturing me and my amazing, incredible, expandable, blood filled erectile tissues….This is getting awkward…Uh…let’s move on…

So anyway, I was reading a review for ONCE BITTEN over at THE HOUSE OF SELF-INDULGENCE the other day (seriously, it’s the best review I’ve ever read for ONCE BITTEN…check it out) and even though Yum-Yum made no mention of it, all I kept thinking about was Ms. Hutton’s delectable diastema!

And it got me thinking about some other gap toothed ladies…Brigitte Bardot, Jorja Fox, Anna Paquin, Béatrice Dalle…man, there’s a whole bunch of ‘em out there…

And get this…some of ‘em even do the pornographies!

It’s true!

Which is kind of fitting…you know, because of the whole Canterbury Tales “gap-toothed wife of Bath, middle-aged woman with insatiable lust” rumor that the “firste fyndere of our fair langage” and loveable scamp, Geoffrey Chaucer, started waaay back in the 14th century!

There’s Belladonna, Naudia Nyce, Pepper Foxx, Chase Taylor, and hundreds of other starlets in waiting flashing their gapes and their gaps all over the internets!

So wouldn’t it be a great idea to have some sort of specialty fetish website for the appreciation of gap toothed women?

Of course it’s a great idea! So what the fuck, internets?! Where’s my diastema fetish site?!

No matter where I turn, I can find a fetish specific website for just about every sub-genre of porn…everything except this one.

You want clips and pictures of mature, BBW, amateur, hirsute honeys giving blowjobs to tattooed European gentlemen with big cocks that end in Roman Showers?

You got it! The internet provides!

But a guy wants some hot enamel action and he gets nothin’.

I guess there’s just not much of a demand for teeth porn….which is kind of sad really…I mean, look at this picture…

What kind of world do we live in that I can’t see this young thing try and fit those two big, bulbous heads on that soft, sensuous, smooth and sturdy 18 inch veined dildo between the contacts of her perfectly spaced maxillary central incisors?

A disappointing world…that’s what kind.

Seriously, internets, I’m gonna’ have to stop this whole Fetish Fridays dance if you can’t deliver the goods…I know we only do this FF thing (almost) once a week, but my feelings of dissatisfaction that follow your constant failures is really starting to take its toll.

So think about it…we’ll talk next Friday.

Canacorn, out!